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Open Poetry #30
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to change the SHAPE of RAIN
| Open Poetry #30 |
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to change the SHAPE of RAIN |
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Sadelite Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519 |
The most amazing thing is happening, Causing my ideas around to turn. Light has entered my paper dancing Through streams of windshield rain. The window crawling wetness reaches toward the ground. As skytears mount the paper reflected, they're ridden upside down, scrolling upward, sending rain away, As if through rein, tears had been unwound. Through the windshield lamplit, You can change rhythm of light and rain, Its shape and size of drips, how fast they upward drain. The raindrops, you can shorten, elongate, Determine how long they remain. Simply change the position of your pad, By the angle in which it lay. Best wishes in changing the rain, Sadelite [This message has been edited by Sadelite (01-05-2004 02:12 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2004 Sadelite - All Rights Reserved | |||
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
 OMG! I have been here! I have! I know what you mean! |
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iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
Very creative perspective -- I also liked your word inventions. ......lol..........jo |
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Sadelite Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519 |
passing shadows, I hope you found your rain study as interesting as I did mine! I'm glad you took the time to read this one. I finished it rather late, and I wondered if it made any sense! Happy writing to you Shadow. Sadie |
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Sadelite Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519 |
iliana, The perspective has always been there--I just never took time to look at the reflection of rain upon the paper! I'm glad you enjoyed. Sadie |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Sadie~ The depth and vision of this is compelling~ I thank you for the unique poetic perspective~ *Huglets*  ~*Marge*~ ~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost, |
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Sadelite Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519 |
Thank you, Marge, for your sweet and flattering comment. Sometimes I have a tendency to over analyze and over-write. (It seems like I've been trimming it down in size ever since I posted it!) Thank you for tuning in! ~Sadelite [This message has been edited by Sadelite (01-05-2004 02:31 PM).] |
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Professor Gloom Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082of Depression |
In all the years I’ve known you You’ve yet to run out of words, So I know how difficult it is to cut down the number (with a seemingly endless supply). Lets use the 2nd stanza The window crawling wetness reaches toward the ground. As skytears mount the paper reflected, they're ridden upside down, scrolling upward, sending rain away, As if through rein, tears had been unwound. Since you’ve already mentioned the windshield Lets remake the first line and work on Crawling wetness reaches toward the ground Sky tear paper rides reflected upside down Scrolls up sends the rain away The reigning tears being unwound. 31 to 24 words, and I hope with the same meaning you wished for, and I really do like the concept you’ve put here. Pairing down words in poetry is often allowing the concepts to come forward, Not having to restate them (not that repeating lines do not give power) In fact a repeating couplet or single line can tie a poem nicely together Traveling on, meeting the rain Natural visions don’t explain or something like that slapped between stanzas. But remember, the poem is yours and it’s that expression you wish to give. So use all the words you need. Gloom |
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Terrina Member
since 2003-12-31
Posts 166California |
Hello my friend. I am knowing you more and more each day...You are so talented! |
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Sadelite Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519 |
P.G., What a delightful surprise it was to hear from you. I'd love to replace this with your helpful edits, but I would du-et only. What do you think, Professor Gloom? I can probably change my title/author until tomorrow. Let me know and any other changes I ought to make and we're on. da, da! You've been most helpful and inspiring. Sadelite [This message has been edited by Sadelite (01-05-2004 07:51 PM).] |
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Sadelite Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519 |
Terrina, Thank you for your flattery, but it's more labor than talent from me. I have great ideas, but the wording is hard. Now, Passions does have "real" talent here. Take for instance, Professor Gloom, whose response is directly above yours. Go to the fourth icon in the strip across from his name and click, then go to archives. I am always amazed at his work, as well as countless other poets. If you check out The Professor's poetry, be sure to find "Haiku on Sandy Beach" in #28. I tried to send it up for you to see, but had no luck. (BTW, if you're reading this P.G., do I get an extra Brownie point?) Thanks Terrina, for stopping in. Keep in touch. Sadelite [This message has been edited by Sadelite (01-05-2004 10:05 PM).] |
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