»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #30
»
Breathe The Moon
| Open Poetry #30 |
|
Breathe The Moon |
|
|
eminor_angel Member
since 2003-05-22
Posts 323Canada |
Back again, after a long hiatus. I wrote this a couple of months ago. I'd love constructive critiques. (I look forward to reading everyone's works in my absence!) Breathe The Moon Orb Goddess Your fingertips bruise my mind I inhale you whole Take away my full moon madness Serpentine Can I be truly deranged If I am aware That there are scorpions in the sky That the stars are always fading That the moon commands the tides And the pulsing of my veins In out Low tide high Exhale inhale Breathe the moon |
||
| © Copyright 2003 eminor_angel - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
wintertao Member
since 2003-11-17
Posts 366Okaloosa Island, FL |
I like this very much, but also think it could be better. I would try and think of alternatives to using the word "moon" in the body of the poem more than once. Anyway, its cool as it is, well done. |
||
|
KoKo Senior Member
since 2003-02-15
Posts 995Inside the shadow's shadow |
O_O! I loved this!! |
||
|
ambrish Member
since 2003-03-27
Posts 257India |
artistic and figurative. |
||
*Belabebeautiful*
since 2003-01-03
Posts 696washington, USA |
I felt this piece deeply as I am a child of the moon myself! Nicely done I especailly like the shortness of the poem while still getting across a smooth and solid picture. Beautifully done ~Live and Laugh~ Because of you I laugh a little harder, smile a little more, and cry a little less |
||
|
passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
I'm not good at critiques, but I know I like this poem |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
