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Open Poetry #30
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I breathe
| Open Poetry #30 |
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I breathe |
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Laney Member
since 2002-12-18
Posts 85Illinois 
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Close me in the dark envelope my dreams let me sleep with the corpse let me inhale the baby's breath Nourish me with your scattered ashes I will drink the poison Question my existence I will bathe in my reality. |
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| © Copyright 2003 Alana - All Rights Reserved | |||
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
very sad, very dark hope you are okay |
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Laney Member
since 2002-12-18
Posts 85Illinois |
I'm always better after writing..thank you for your concern. |
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garysgirl  
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Laney, I don't remember seeing you vedry much on here. I'm glad that you decided to come back. I like your writing.  Hugs  |
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Ericc Member Elite
since 2003-01-31
Posts 4178 |
Wow...very powerful. Eric |
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ranidae_poet Member
since 2003-11-05
Posts 66Texas,USA |
I too am awed..>I loved this, thanks for sharing. There are only three beings worth of respect; the priest, the solider and the poet; To know, To Kill and to create. |
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Nightshade
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962just out of reach |
Very interesting, deep piece Laney. Enjoyed. Merry Christmas to you. Chris  "At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet." |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
interesting. i wonder at your intention with this... reading it several times (easy to do with short poems ), i was left with the deep-seated feeling that this was a little bit more than just a barrage of 'hard' images. instead, i see a correlation between the aspects of old and new, gone and arrived; perhaps something as simple as remembrance of lost love vs. new love. quote:since you encourage critiques, may i suggest killing one little word in the previous line - i like the way it hits with "my" out of there. brings a small hint of ambiguity, though the subject ["you"] is maintained in context. i like, look forward to reading more. [This message has been edited by Christopher (12-20-2003 10:01 AM).] |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
enjoyed |
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