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A home without a wall, |
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Open Poetry #30
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A Message from Santa Claus (repost for Christmas, and Bladderdeer, err Balladeer)
| Open Poetry #30 |
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A Message from Santa Claus (repost for Christmas, and Bladderdeer, err Balladeer) |
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LngJhnAg Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion 
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I forgot to post this last year, but I did post this two years ago. I regret to inform you, effective immediately, I'll not be seen in the South this Christmas Eve. Since the birth rate in the South goes unabated My contract to deliver was renegotiated. I'll now serve only the children in the North I feel my time will be better spent henceforth. As part of my new and better contract, I get longer breaks for enjoying free snacks. Your children will still be served with good cheer By my third cousin, Bubba Claus (Sir Balladeer). His side of the family is from the South Pole. Delivering toys to children is also his goal. But... there are a few differences between us. The Grinch won't be stealing from Bubba's 4X4 sleigh, He has a gun rack in the back and bumper stickers that say, "With this Bubba Claus you shouldn't be messin' "Cuz these toys are insured by Smith and Wesson." Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus wants RC, Pork rinds (or a moon pie) on the fireplace are sweet. And Bubba ‘Deer doesn't smoke a pipe, understand? He likes chewing snuff; please provide a spit can. Bubba's sleigh is pulled by coon dogs with flop ears, I once made the mistake of loaning him reindeer. I'm training replacements for my own Christmas sleigh Because Blitzen is mounted over Bubba's fireplace. You won't hear, "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen" When Bubba Claus comes to your house, be sure to listen. "On Earnhardt, on Wallace, on Martin and Labonte. On Rudd, on Jarrett, on Elliott and Petty." The traditional "Ho, ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you are likely to hear "Merry Christmas to y'all!" And, as required by the Southern highway safety laws, Yosemite Sam mud flaps on the sleigh say "Back Off." The sleigh has six running lights for all kinds of weather A Ford logo with lights that race through the letters, And a caricature of me which I find quite bad, Peeing with a grin on our friend, poor old Toerag. The Christmas movie classic "It's a Wonderful Life" Will not be shown in the South's viewing area that night. Instead, "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and then, more, "Smokey and the Bandit", Parts 1 through 4. Bubba Claus hasn't a belt on his red suit made from jeans, Turn your wife and kids away when he bends under the tree. And his favorite elf, Sunshine, will be shotgun rider, As she swills down gallons of their moonshine cider. No songs like "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town." AM stations play others way down in the South. "Bubba Claus Shot the Jukebox," and a similar song, "Grandma Got Run'd Over By an Antlered Coon Dog" Merry Christmas y'all, and to all good cheer, You'll be in good hands with old Balladeer. Just look for him soon in your stretch of woods, Balladeer Bubba Claus will treat'cha real good. Ohhh, Bubba Claus ‘De-e-e-e-e-e-r, I'm waiting for my presents! heh |
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| © Copyright 2003 Michael Waterman - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Wow! Titia works Miracles! Nice to see you, Sailor! How about a New Year's Resolution - and have you pop in with a poem at least ONCE A MONTH!!! |
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LngJhnAg Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion |
As you wish, Sunshine Girl. |
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Alicat Member Elite
since 1999-05-23
Posts 4094Coastal Texas |
Hahaha....hahahahaha.......*snicker* Good gravy but your hijinxs were missed! |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Hey you! Good to see you and the smile you bring along. Thanks! |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
I'm so sorry, Santa, but I must complain Your trips way down South may be a real pain But it seems to me you're just being lazy Abdication to Deer is just downright crazy! For how can kids write to old Bubba-deer? You know how much mail you get every year... There's just one Santa, but Bubbas galore Why, there's at least 30 in each Walmart store! Can you imagine the Post Office confusion If you insist on this vacation delusion? Letters from kids with their latest requests Will be leaving mail carriers quite stressed! With four or five Bubbas on every street And coon dogs on every truck they meet How is it that they'll ever be clear On which Bubba is THE Bubba-Deer? So sorry, dear Santa, you must get to work Quit thinking of slacking and being a jerk! The warm southern climate will thaw out your toes And it's only one night, as everyone knows. Surely you can give that? Just a few hours a year? Don't desert the south to ole Bubba-Deer!!! |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
you always bring out the smiles on pip... I am glad I live in the north... *s M |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Mike it is just great to see you here, and all my best to you and Loreli for the holidays too. Your poetry and humor are sorely missed by this Canadian gal. |
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Titia Geertman Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182Netherlands |
Oh dear, you're letting this Bubbadeer take over the South  poor, poor children.So nice to see you sailor Come sit beside me in first row Because I'm sure that Balladeer Is cooking up some show Hugs and knuffels, Titia Like scattered leaves...my words will flow |
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Bonnie j Senior Member
since 2003-06-27
Posts 1588Ohio |
Oh me! Oh my! How can this be? I don’t live in the north I don’t live in the south I think I live somewhere in-between Oh me! Oh my! Does this mean they will pass right over me? Cause if Santa ain’t a comin’ to my house I’m goin’ out and buy A brand new car, a mink coat, diamonds A new wall to wall TV A brand new house in Beverly Hills A cruise around the world AND............ Now let me see....... Which Santa do I charge this to? Hummmmmmmmmm............. Love Bon-Bon  |
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Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
Bah humbug....LOL....I seem to remember this sailor from long ago.....the one that harasses deer and Toe... |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
 Sailor Man, now ya'll aren't supposed to make fun of us Southerners and our brothers, I mean Bubbas. LOL A good one, LongJohn. I'm glad that you reposted it, because I wasn't here two years ago. And, hey, Sunshine has a good idea...come in here with a poem at least once a month, ya'll hear?? LOL Hugs, Ethel |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Well, there goes the neighborhood...the sailor is home from the sea. Don;t worry, Mike. Bubba Claus have some real special gifts just for you...a month's supply of fresh corncobs, three cans of Left Guard, and a wall-size picture of Toerag picking his nose. No need to thank me...I see the tears of gratitude from here. MERRY CHRISTMAS, barnacle belcher!!  |
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Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
Look at such gratitude from our Balladeer?....You can't make some people "thankful" no matter how hard ya try sailor...... |
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LngJhnAg Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion |
I want to thank every one of you for making me feel welcome. It has been too long since I've been here. I hope all the new people have learned that, of Balladeer, Toerag and me, only I can be trusted by the women with their most intimate secrets. So, ladies and vamps, please send me those secrets before Christmas. |
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Sadelite Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519 |
So you're the Long John who crashed my post! Loved the humor here! Sadie |
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
Trust women with secrets LJ? Man, you have been away a long time! LOL  Thanks for the laughs! Good to see ya hear. A little bird whispered in my ear to come see you. Merry Christmas buddy! |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
LOL, oh my ... the visuals here are great Lngjhn! Always wonderful to see you in the blue pages! Thanks for the laughs this morning ... loved it!  Best wishes and hugs, /Kit |
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Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
smiling here. enjoyed. |
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Open Poetry #30
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A Message from Santa Claus (repost for Christmas, and Bladderdeer, err Balladeer)
