a poem or two..looking for comments...both negative and positive.

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jord4n
Junior Member

since 2003-12-12

Posts 15

0 posted 2003-12-12 11:01 PM

Skin

alligator skin, tight as this sin
keeps me locked inside
makes me feel warm inside
rough and worn exterior
still warm interior
alligator skin, aged and diseased
sin has become old, no longer able to please
now what
still
waiting
looking
attack
die

--

Again, any questions, or comments (negative/positive) are welcome. Thanks for reading...hope you liked it.

- Jordan

www.send3.net

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

1 posted 2003-12-12 11:08 PM

hello, and welcome!
So, you are a tough ol gator on the outside and a cuddly kitty inside?

Not sure what the sin is about, since I don't believe in sin.

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

2 posted 2003-12-12 11:10 PM

(big hugggsssssss) Wow, I really love this wonderful debut, sweet friend, I think it expresses well how we are constantly peeling away layers of skin, like an onion, until the point our deepest self is revealed and we feel complete! Sometimes our exterior can feel so rough but know you are bound to uncover such greater joys of life, sweet friend, God Bless You! Welcome to Passions, sweet Jordan, may you be inspired by all of us here as we will all be inspired by your lovely words! I can't wait to read more of your wonderful poetry, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"You'll find something that's enough to keep you
But if the bright lights don't receive you
You should turn yourself around and come back home" MB20

jord4n
Junior Member

since 2003-12-12

Posts 15

3 posted 2003-12-12 11:15 PM

Thanks.

I was nervous to post...Ive been to about 3 different poetry forums...I actually just began to write poetry, atleast "seriously"..I have kept a journal...nearly consistently the last few years of my life (19), but more recently have I been writing poetry, and felt the need to share it with more people and get some feed back.

If I get the guts Im sure I'll post more here.

Thanks again, and like I said, any criticism is welcome, as I do not see myself as that "great" of a writer.

Have a good one,

- Jordan

www.send3.net

[This message has been edited by jord4n (12-12-2003 11:26 PM).]

jord4n
Junior Member

since 2003-12-12

Posts 15

4 posted 2003-12-12 11:44 PM

I posted another poem in the corner pub...

- Jordan

www.send3.net

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

5 posted 2003-12-12 11:58 PM

Hello Jordon,
Wecome to Passions. It's good to have you join us here.
I look forward to seeing more of your poems.

Please check your e-mail for a special greeting
from all of us here at PIP.
Thanks,
Ethel/garysgirl
Moderator/Passions In Poetry

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

6 posted 2003-12-13 08:15 AM

Welcome to Passions. As you become familiar with posting, and all of the places we have to post, one of the best places to put your poems will be in CA - they give very good critiques there - and you've got to be ready for your babies [poems] to be inspected thoroughly - but it's a great learning area...and one I would recommend highly!

But for fun and sharing, feel free to post in our other forums, there's one for almost every type of emotion! [Don't forget to check out our discussion areas as well!