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Open Poetry #29
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My Castle Walls
| Open Poetry #29 |
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My Castle Walls |
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allamericanjoe Member
since 2003-10-02
Posts 116Iredell county, NC 
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I've torn down the walls, They stood oh so high. I've let go all the sentries, No more arrows they'll fly. I've dried up the mote, It's waters so deep. And I've slain all the dragons, that guarded my keep. I've dispelled all the magics, And the wards of protection, The spells of distrust, And the curse of rejection. I've ousted the spiders, And routed the rats. Out of my belfrey, I've shooed all the bats. What changed my demeanor? That's the query you pose. Love is the answer, That's why my heart grows. It's why the sun shines in the corners, where once there was gloom. It's why I see opprotunity, Where once I saw only doom. It's why the walls of my castle, Once shadowy and grey, Are brilliant and bright, Like the suns many rays. This love that I've found, I've had all along. But I trusted it not, How could it belong? I covered it up, And I put it away, Up on a shelf, Where I thought it would stay. Through the eyes of a child, Then just barely two. I saw it again, And in it, saw you. This is the first draft and I have not given her a copy yet. Please feel free to help me revise and improve upon it. Thanks JD. [This message has been edited by allamericanjoe (10-08-2003 03:28 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 Joseph D. Howell - All Rights Reserved | |||
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the_loner_23 Member Ascendant
since 2002-06-08
Posts 5479Jacksonville, Florida, USA |
This was so beautiful. I really liked the transition from dark to light. This was a very good write. Cold hands means a warm heart |
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Suetang Member Ascendant
since 2001-03-07
Posts 5187Melbourne, Australia |
Hello Joseph Your words were absolutely breathtaking and how very lucky is the girl these words are intended for. Thank you for sharing your immense talent with us and I'll look forward to reading more. "Love......will put it's hook into your heart and force you to know that of all strong things nothing is so strong, so irresistible, as divine love" Take care.......Sue I am in motion |
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angelblueyes Member Elite
since 2003-07-19
Posts 2148Oklahoma |
This is beautiful and I think it doesn't need revised.It shows your wondrous heart and tender soul.  Crystal |
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SharaRose Member Elite
since 2003-07-19
Posts 2501Somewhere out there~ |
Very sweet. One any girl would be glad to see. Nice to read.  Love, Terri~  Of sound, and speech let all lift the hearer! |
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Sunnyone Member Ascendant
since 2000-07-06
Posts 5334Staffordshire, England |
Hi JD, and what a gorgeous write this is...letting the sunshine into your castle! I love it!! The only thing I would suggest is the very ending line, just to make it flow smoothly: 'And in it, saw you', leaving the 'I' out. See what you think....~S~ Accept these small gifts from my gypsy heart ~S~ |
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A Romantic Heart Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-03
Posts 5496Forever In Your Heart |
This is lovely as it is! she should love it, I know how much it means to me when Goldenrose writes love poems just for me! ~ARH |
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allamericanjoe Member
since 2003-10-02
Posts 116Iredell county, NC |
Thank you all very much! And I do like your suggestion Sunny, I think your right. Thanks again. |
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Suetang Member Ascendant
since 2001-03-07
Posts 5187Melbourne, Australia |
I think this deserves to be back at the top. I am in motion |
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allamericanjoe Member
since 2003-10-02
Posts 116Iredell county, NC |
How very sweet of you Sue! Thank you. |
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