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Open Poetry #29
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Poem
| Open Poetry #29 |
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Poem |
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iwontdrownagain Junior Member
since 2003-10-04
Posts 39Massachusetts |
Here's a poem that I have recently written. Please feel free to comment and critique. Thanks! Dead Keepsakes Hang them from the ceiling With twine around their necks. Days go by, the life dripping out of them, The color draining. Look what has been done. But everyone does it Why put them to waste? They’re keepsakes, A reminder of something significant Or someone significant In such a useless and forgotten life. Some parts green, others muddy brown And the foul stench, Just the thought is repulsive. By the six or by the dozen They’re hung from the ceiling with twine, Swaying slightly as the wind blows Through the old and dirty drapes, Filling the room with old air Despite the new day. The years go by and the stench departs slowly Colors remain the same: A muddy brown, a swamp green. Dried and useless. A memo from a time of hope. But the future proved the hopeful times Weren’t as happy as he said they would be. So to show him the feeling, Hang them from the ceiling With twine around their necks. Then the days go by, the life drips from them And the color drains. Why put them to waste? They’re keepsakes. |
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| © Copyright 2003 Lynn Moynahan - All Rights Reserved | |||
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n2dmystic Member
since 2003-09-27
Posts 253beyond the doors of perception |
an awesome first post. a wistful, vivid write. WELCOME!!! to Passions. May your poems be fruitful as you plant them in our rich soil. thank you Peace, Joe |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (big hugggssssssss) It saddens me to see these kind of punishments still happen and how too many in history have been left to hang like this without ever realizing their guilt or sin as I find that kind of punishment to make others guilty as well! This is a powerful debut, sweet friend, so poignant! Welcoe to Passions, sweet friend, may you be inspired by all of us here as we will all be inspired by your lovely words! I can't wait to read more of your wonderful words, sweet friend, we all love you so much, and be sure to check your E-mail for a very special greeting from all of us here at Passions just for you! You have such a beautiful heart, thank you for sharing!    May love nand light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton I don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth |
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wayoutwalt Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870TEXAS (it's all big) |
i like the way this was weaved. you are welcome here. |
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iwontdrownagain Junior Member
since 2003-10-04
Posts 39Massachusetts |
Hey guys, thank you very much for your welcome. By the way, I know I should have written this in the post, but this is about roses, not people. I'm sorry that some of you thougt it was about people, I should have made that clear. Many of my friends did, so you're not alone. Thanks again for your feedback! Lynn |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
iwontdrownagain... I really enjoyed reading this. Very nicely penned. Welcome to Passions.  ~Vicky When the power of love overcomes the |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
(sigh) Oh Lynn, I apologize that I took the poem the wrong way, sweet friend, I tend to look at things in an abstract form and I too believe this poem can be interpreted in different ways and that's what makes this first poem so wonderful from you! (hugs) Thank you for letting us know the original meaning, as now that makes sense to me too!  Love, Noah Eaton I don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth |
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iwontdrownagain Junior Member
since 2003-10-04
Posts 39Massachusetts |
Noah, don't be sorry. I didn't mean to "fool" any of you. I saw that this poem could be interpreted the way you did after I wrote it, and my creative writing class seemed horrified. But it's alright. I like to know what other people think of my work. I will post again maybe Monday. My work is on a disc at school, and I'm at home. I will post early in the morning. One of my classes is first block and we're in the computer lab, so get ready for another poem (that's not as gory) Lynn |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Welcome to Passions! I thought it was perhaps flowers you were speaking of.. as I dry flowers all the time from my garden. Enjoy your stay here at Passions. I look forward to seeing more of your writing. ~Smiles & Hugs, Nancy~ ~Autumn, the year's last, loveliest smile~ |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
welcome to passions looking forward to read more of your poetry thank you for sharing |
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