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Open Poetry #29

Odes to My Muse

Magic Solias
Member

since 2003-11-08

Posts 73
California, USA

0 posted 2003-11-17 03:38 PM

ODES TO MY MUSE

Totemic symbolistic muse
dispeller of eternal blues
you come up and inspire
us.

Magic queen conqueror
of evil demononic alien
serpent-like forces
we worship
you.

Beauty seduced by
artifial paradise
you denied it
and sought
us.

We cannot bring
to you eternal life
but you are eternal
in this moment

Moments of mixed peace
soft afternoon sunshine
illuminating a canopy
of plum-blossom trees
in full bloom
through which we

drift...

(from ARTIFICIAL PARADISE by Magic Solias copyright 2003)

[This message has been edited by Magic Solias (11-17-2003 07:25 PM).]

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

1 posted 2003-11-17 03:45 PM

I like this one, Sir.

I would like it even better if you went ahead, seeing as you have a good grip of the English language, that you would go ahead and spell out words like "u".  While one might applaud an individual's use of alphabetic characters to make a point, a poem such as this deserves to be given its full benefit of luxury to your reader[s] - and that would be not to distract them from something as simple as fully spelling out your intent, especially when in the last two stanzas, you do just that.

Right?

Brad Majors

Member Elite

since 2001-04-03

Posts 2647
Georgia

2 posted 2003-11-17 03:50 PM

well done

Magic Solias
Member

since 2003-11-08

Posts 73
California, USA

3 posted 2003-11-17 07:27 PM

Thanks. I corrected the spelling errors. It should be known that English is not my native language.

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