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Honeybee
Member Ascendant

since 1999-12-26

Posts 5372
Ontario, CANADA

0 posted 2003-11-16 07:58 PM

Gravedigger

No, I can’t leave the past
well enough alone
still remembering how
you made me feel alive
not so long ago.

But, you’re dead now
so why should I care
there’s no point in moving on
to breathe the potential
of things I could have been.
You have release
I have survival
you're gone
all my dreams are too.

Nothing could have prepared me
for the agony of losing you.

I swear that I was the one
who died that day
and memories still wound
the dirt you rot beneath;
And I force myself there
clawing my way through
the maggots, decay
too stubborn to see
you have peace now
selfish I, slice my skin the torture.

The copycat sky competed
as I watched the gravediggers
through storm eyes
lowering you in the ground
s l o w
as if to tempt me
to reach out and save you.
Defiant I, held the shovel
that no one could see
ready to dig you back up
Holden Caulfield me
unable to accept what is.

Diabetes and cancer
best beware
there are no words
of apology, redemption
they'd feel this hate in me
surrender helpless to my wrath.
This pain so raw, so fierce
I'd cut their hearts out
like a bruised piece of apple.
God dare not stop me
forgiveness is never.

Look what I've become
a stranger in this flesh
knowing that you'll never
look down with pride.
I used to be your sweet little girl
I used to be the overachiever, strong
but I am broken,
I have given up
suffocation I, am the depths of this emotional vomit.

You’ll be 'Happy' again they claim
but, that word is a profanity now.
She's an angel they say
smiles arrogant, careless comfort
disrespectful to think
that life goes on.
Though this self-inflicted hell
digs her up over and over
again
and she’s rolling around
in the grave
of my mind.

By Melissa Long-Monette

For my Grandma, Phyllis Long

[This message has been edited by Honeybee (11-16-2003 09:46 PM).]