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Open Poetry #29
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autumn in a window pain.
| Open Poetry #29 |
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autumn in a window pain. |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space 
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trees akin to arms flailing as they sink into the earth [This message has been edited by Aenimal (11-04-2003 10:25 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 raphael giuffrida - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Krawdad Member Elite
since 2001-01-03
Posts 2597 |
My, what you see . . . That is painful. |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
ahhh..yes..painful..and beautiful. "if you won't let me fall for you |
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Greeneyes  
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903In Your Poetic Mind |
autumn in a window pain''' Indeed....painful....you express words and feelings like no other... Lauren~ i carry your heart with me |
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pandonov Member
since 2003-10-03
Posts 478b/w conscience and insolence |
i see so many different ideas in this piece, all of them painfully beautiful |
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pandonov Member
since 2003-10-03
Posts 478b/w conscience and insolence |
hei, Raph, i came back, something was bothering me.Now i know. this poem possesses incredible depth. one of those "many faces" poems. this is (it's only my opinion)one of your best works. Bravo  |
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
Your eyes, dear Raffaele, see further than the mere appearance. This is a powerful vision and it may hurt, but everything passes .... remember? Beloved trees! Abbracci. Margherita |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
flailing helplessly perfect... M |
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angelblueyes Member Elite
since 2003-07-19
Posts 2148Oklahoma |
Pain and beauty all rolled into one. Crystal |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
geez... |
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Gina Culliney Member
since 2003-03-08
Posts 170 |
Beauty found amidst the pain. Well penned! |
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SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
yes, I agree with everyone else, very cool write |
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Corinne Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167state of confusion |
Excellent, Aenimal! Core |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Raph: I saw this with lightning too in the night . . . and the reflection on the glass . . . frightned me staring back *smile* xxoo |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
eek... keeps eyes open for the tree people... they come to get me... What about China? Have you seen the Great Wall? |
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inkedgoddess Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392Ohio |
this hurts thank u for speaking for them today |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
thanks eveyone, this is why i don't go out much anymore grins |
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Kahlil Senior Member
since 2003-04-12
Posts 1881 |
...genius... ~K~ |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
One of the best Haiku's I've read here Bello. Keeping it. M fate is not just |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Grumble (wumble heh), why the helplessly? I'm breaking my own dratted rule - I'm critiquing this. I care not if it is a haiku - helplessly is weak. Most adverbs are in poetry...they are detractive. They serve to show the poet reaching for an image, or reaching to strengthen an image. Too many words. Why not just make it a snap-shot poem? (Hear the plaintive note? beg beg). All right then, come on, shout me down.  K |
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Kaoru
since 2003-06-07
Posts 3892where the wild flowers grow |
Another beauty, Raph |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Raph, when I read your poetry, I try to look right insde your mind and emotions to really "see" your words. I always wonder if you are "feeling" what the words imply....if you are putting down what you think the feelings of the subject is....or if you are just playing with your readers. I find myself doing this every time I read you. Whatever you are thinking at the time, YOU my friend, are amazing. I have told you that I read you a lot when I don't reply, haven't I? Simply because I don't know what to say to go with your superb writing.  Hugs  Ethel |
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1slick_lady Member Ascendant
since 2000-12-22
Posts 6088standing on a shadow's lace |
your poetry is like glass...clear and cuts to the bone...smooches...h |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
Thanks all you're way too kind Kamla why helplessly? because it was the second line of the senryu, i needed the 3 syllables and I was lazy..so there... grins As for snap shots let's have some get writing or i'll have to kick some butt |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
That was the point - you filled in three syllables to make it a senyru (not haiku, my mistake) and it's obvious. Adverbs, those nasty 'ly' words, detract from poetry at the best of times. Ask Maree - I've lectured that into her. Go on, she'll support me on that one.. Kps - I may have told you before I don't accept laziness as an excuse? HAHAHA. |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
they are after us Raph! sorry...nurse forgot to give me those pills. I have slight suspicion that they are placebo and whe is trying to get me to addmit that I am insane but I won't be fooled  heh..as if *twitches* there was something*twitches* wrong with me. What about China? Have you seen the Great Wall? All walls are great, if the roof doesn't fall. -yorke/bjork [This message has been edited by Wind (11-04-2003 04:35 PM).] |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
quote: Bello? she has indeed, and when K lectures...it's not easily forgotten lol. And I have to say that I totally agree with her now that I understand her hatred of the "ly" words and what they can do to a poem. Something else I need to look out for when writing sheeesh. Thanks  fate is not just |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
nice |
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Honeybee Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372Ontario, CANADA |
Damn, I seriously don't know how you do it time and time again....this is powerful. Melissa~ Intellectually I know that Canada is no better than any other country. Emotionally I KNOW that Canada is the best country in the world! |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
Thanks mely and vandana! Liz placebo's fine they don't put enough sugar in my tea Kamla yes ma'am..all sheepishlike lol Bella no you don't soon forget a Kamla rant and you gotta lava that lol [This message has been edited by Aenimal (11-04-2003 10:20 PM).] |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
Okay kamla it's done it's been removed just to prove it here it is "helplessly" dispose of it in whatever manner you see fit..grins |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Wahoo!!! Official K Teaching Voice: But the key Sir - do you get it? Can you see why and how the poem works better without it? As for the helplessly - I've chucked it out the window...it's now dangling - helplessly - on the ledge...living up to its name...heh... |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
ps Mmy - you know you love me... evil laugh K |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
K?  fate is not just whose cooking smells good but which way the wind blows (Ani DiFranco) [This message has been edited by Dark Angel (11-05-2003 12:42 AM).] |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
(rolls eyes) Yes Ms. Mahony.. makes funny faces to the delight of the class as she turns around.. actually as opposed to school when i made funny faces to make people laugh my face has become such that people do anyway..ah well..sighs |
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