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GG
Member Elite

since 2002-12-03

Posts 3532
Lost in thought

0 posted 2003-10-28 04:57 AM

I pulled the chair steady to the back of my knees
And listened to the crunch of forgetful plastic on metal
As I sat brisk on the chair this morning.

Watching the sunrise,
I hoped for something different in the air.
So I smelled the dew as it lay sorely on the green of the lawn.

Holding my fingers to my lips
And cupping my chin within my palm,
I gasped inside myself
And breathed another stale day
I prayed another stale prayer…

Leaning back the chair stiffened
And I closed my eyes
Waiting for the change I longed for

Waiting for the prayer
To stretch into existence…
I needed the reality
Of my stale heartfelt thoughts

I’m reaching numbness now
As I sit inside this chair.
It cracks as I breathe another stale day
And pray another stale prayer.

- And so it was that time stood still -
(blink, breathe, stand, fight)

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

1 posted 2003-10-28 05:06 AM

I've been where you are

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

2 posted 2003-10-28 11:37 AM

I’m reaching numbness now
As I sit inside this chair.
It cracks as I breathe another stale day
And pray another stale prayer

Alyssa, this is so sad. My thoughts and
prayers are with you, my friend.

With love and Hugs

Ethel

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

3 posted 2003-10-28 12:02 PM

GG,
Enjoyed the read.

pandonov
Member

since 2003-10-03

Posts 478
b/w conscience and insolence

4 posted 2003-10-28 12:23 PM

i don't pray, but you feeling is mirrored here... nice one

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-18

Posts 7350
the ass-end of space

5 posted 2003-10-28 02:19 PM

well you know i felt this..

Mind if i make a small suggestion?
In the third line get rid of the chair this morning as it clashes with the chair from the first line.
Maybe merge it with the next line which works better when you change listened to listening so that it becomes:

I pulled the chair steady to the back of my knees
listening to the crunch of forgetful plastic on metal
as I sat brisk watching the sunrise,

Just a thought, i liked it and felt it as is

GG
Member Elite

since 2002-12-03

Posts 3532
Lost in thought

6 posted 2003-10-28 04:20 PM

Dix,
You always know

thanks

Ethel,
comparatively this really isn't one of my sad ones, hehe

Thank you for your reply, thoughts, and prayers.

Always, Alyssa

- And so it was that time stood still -
(blink, breathe, stand, fight)

GG
Member Elite

since 2002-12-03

Posts 3532
Lost in thought

7 posted 2003-10-28 04:25 PM

sey,
glad you did

thank you

pandonov,
thanks much!

I'm sure many have felt this...

Raph,
thanks for the suggestion,
I knew when I wrote it that it doesn't sound quite right or finished, but I was too annoyed to fix it and not quick enough to catch what was wrong. I always like to grow in what I can write since I'm such an amateur, so I'm very thankful to anyone willing to take the time to help.

so again, thank you very much!and you get a

for that

Always, Alyssa

- And so it was that time stood still -
(blink, breathe, stand, fight)

SharaRose
Member Elite

since 2003-07-19

Posts 2501
Somewhere out there~

8 posted 2003-10-28 04:37 PM

Sounds like you are pretty bored. Makes me think of how I feel, and then wish like anything I could afford to learn to paint. Buying canvas, and paints, and brushes, etc. Maybe a hobby of some kind!

I loved this, because it's so much like life, and times of everyday. Thanks for sharing!
Love,
Terri~

GG
Member Elite

since 2002-12-03

Posts 3532
Lost in thought

9 posted 2003-10-28 05:41 PM

SharaRose,
its what comes when life sucks and when you can't sleep lol... I'm busy all the time, so I can't really say I'm bored. But its the same type of busy, and the same pain, always... Painting does sound fun! I can't even make stick figures look good though lol

thanks for the reply!!

Always, Alyssa

- And so it was that time stood still -
(blink, breathe, stand, fight)

Magnus

Member Laureate

since 2001-10-10

Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA

10 posted 2003-10-28 08:13 PM

You painted the mood very well. Even the
noises of the chair and your gestures within
the poem conveyed a mood whick certainly
said HO HUMMMMMMMM.....

You are growing as a poetess, always
remember that...don't stop learning or
expressing...the mind is too beautiful to
stop letting it come out and play..

GG
Member Elite

since 2002-12-03

Posts 3532
Lost in thought

11 posted 2003-10-28 10:58 PM

Magnus,
thank you

means alot from you dear sir!
I still doubt I'm really that good... but I enjoy writing, so I do.

Always, Alyssa

- And so it was that time stood still -
(blink, breathe, stand, fight)

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