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Open Poetry #29
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Professor Gloom
Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082
of Depression

0 posted 2003-10-24 07:59 AM


Penny’s Story Part 2
In the glimmer of light that shines in the alley a young female child of about 13 cowers in a dirty corner,  A man in black watches from the edge of shadows

Whimpering,
Comes from down the alleyway
With moaning
And crying,
Nowhere better place to stay.
Body frail
Skin so pail
Straw straight hair of flaxen gold,
Rolling tears
Many fears,
Shivering there in the cold,
Surviving.


He had thought to recede from all of man,
Not having to feel or to understand,
To roam the shadows inside the city
Abandon the smoothness for the gritty,
Sometimes things slip into the realm of night
Temporarily falls out of the light
Then and there the bright creature needs a hand,
A hand of hope and not filled with pity
To help make whatever was wrong to right.

Enter a middle aged Priest, although also in black he stands out from the shadows,
not blending, his small silver crucifix shines


Lend a hand to your fellow man
Enable them to rise to their own
The people are the Lord’s hand
Through the righteous builds his home
They are the bedrock of the land

Spotlight the girl, in a light so bright it glares over her,
The priest turns immediately to the light and moves toward the girl,
As he goes to help her up, the man in the shadows helps lift her.
The Priest carries the girl off, exit stage right,
The light begins to fade,
Man of shadows tosses a coin into the shrinking pool of light, exits stage left.


Gloom


© Copyright 2003 Aszard Drazlom - All Rights Reserved
LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296

1 posted 2003-10-24 08:03 AM


Wow wow wow...I liked!  Keep this one going...oh please please please

and top of the morning to ya

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
2 posted 2003-10-24 08:07 AM


Professor,
Well done,

Professor Gloom
Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082
of Depression
3 posted 2003-10-24 09:51 AM


Thank you, LeeJ
Pleased you like it, Actually I do have plans to continue this,
Not sure when.

Thank you, Seymour,
Your comments mean a lot to me

Gloom

Pilgrimage
Member Elite
since 2001-12-04
Posts 3945
Texas, USA
4 posted 2003-10-24 10:05 AM


Prof- I think it should be 'skin so pale' instead of 'pail'.  Otherwise, this is fantastic. You've pulled me right in to the middle of the story.

Nan (Pilgrim variety)

Professor Gloom
Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082
of Depression
5 posted 2003-10-24 10:12 AM


Thank you, Pilgrimage,
You are correct, my mistake and the spell checker missed it,
Thank you for pointing it out, and I’ll change it in the file, but leave it here.
Pleased you enjoyed

Gloom

EvocativeVerse2
Senior Member
since 2003-09-10
Posts 1279

6 posted 2003-10-24 11:42 AM


Damn! This is great. My #1 must read of the day! This is the first time I have snuck in to check out your stuff Gloom...now I am going to have to start watching for your nick more often. Loved this...can't wait for the next chapter.

Remember, if you're not part of the future, you're history!

Sadelite
Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519

7 posted 2003-10-24 05:10 PM


Just can't pick a favorite of your many.
You keep getting better and better.
                      Sincerely,
                       Sadelite

Lotus Breeze
Member
since 2003-09-06
Posts 112

8 posted 2003-10-25 12:05 PM


Your poetic story is very good, but sad and hopeful also. I learn from reading poetry you write and always enjoy
passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
9 posted 2003-10-25 02:41 PM


damn
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
10 posted 2003-10-27 02:07 PM


Sir, I read this the other day,
but as with the first, as will be
with the ones that follow, still finding
it very hard to know exactly
how to respond.

Yes, you're pulling on all the strings.

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