But I AM Who I Am - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

0 posted 2003-08-12 09:07 AM

But I Am Who I Am

I play those shadows in my keep,
those that creep up in the dark
rising overhead on the ceiling distorting
even more, as the fan spins,
spreading out my thoughts.

I remember happier days, but keeping busy now
slows those memories in the background,
seeping out only when time of emptiness.

I think about "things" and explanations
and the "whys" of my life
and even though some would say
it is for the good, and that when
one door closes another opens, etc...
(and I know that those words
and old sayings are meant to comfort.)
But truthfully they are outdated,
just as I have become.

I noticed a new wrinkle in my life,
there, next to my right eye,
shows only when I smile,
but a wrinkle just the same.

I tan only slightly, no lines,
trying to keep up, so that
I won't be passed over for the young.
It really doesn't matter though,
for I am the only one
who sees me that way,
and the strange thing is,
I like how my eyes view me at home,
but never elsewhere.

Maybe that is why I stay here.
Maybe it is an illusion,
or maybe my world is safest here.

My habits are long gone...
I don't smoke anymore,
haven't for twenty years
and don't even miss it.

I barely can drink, as some would attest to,
so I don't even try, except
for an occasional beer with steamed crabs
to soften the burn of the Old Bay.

And a wine cooler when my thoughts
become too tangled and I just want to
sleep them away.

I actually am a pretty simple person,
who can be high on life,
when with the right person sharing my life.
I am maybe a bit too modest,
but am undergoing that change,
trying on a new motto "Make the most of myself".
Of course that doesn't mean the pounds,
as I sweat away the inches.

I just read that there are so many women in Australia
and a lack of men for the over 60 age bracket
(since women live longer)
that they are suggesting that rather
than be alone, they should
"seek" each other out
for companionship and "more".

The thought HAS crossed my mind...
but I will wait my turn,
(for I AM who I am)
and hope that there is someone
who is waiting his.

M

"Love is not blind - It sees more and not less, but because it sees more, it is willing to see less."
(Will Moss)

[This message has been edited by nakdthoughts (08-12-2003 09:14 AM).]

Nightshade

Member Patricius

since 2001-08-31

Posts 13962
just out of reach

1 posted 2003-08-12 10:19 AM

Maureen - you certainly bare your heart and soul in your writes. I believe that your "someone" is out there. He is probably searching and searching....thinking "I am who I am"......she wouldn't want me. Two souls can collide without warning.

hugs to you, Chris (methinks I just gave myself an idea for a wee write!) Thanks!

Rosebud1229
Senior Member

since 2000-04-05

Posts 1813
North Carolina

2 posted 2003-08-12 10:19 AM

wow, an amazing write, so describes how life can be, but you know what never give up on your dreams , dreams last a life time
take care

MARK V SHELDON
Member Elite

since 2001-06-21

Posts 3015
In a corporeal internship...

3 posted 2003-08-12 10:25 AM

Many relateable things here... At least you've found yourself and have accepted it rather than so many who are either still searching or have decided to be "someone else"... Kudos to maturity (both senses of the word).

-MVS

You CAN make a difference:
http://educate-yourself.org/

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

4 posted 2003-08-12 10:32 AM

I have always known who I am Mark and have always secured myself that way. Perhaps that is my downfall, at this point in my life, for what was acceptable, desirable and wanted back then, is no longer today's want.

The acceptance of that is the hardest.
Thank you for your insightful responses.

M

Robert Frazier
Senior Member

since 2003-02-06

Posts 1014

5 posted 2003-08-12 10:34 AM

"But I Am Who I Am"...and you are definitely not "outdated"! This is powerfully intimate!

Rf

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

6 posted 2003-08-12 10:37 AM

Chris if you were inspired no matter how little, then I am pleased.
I am no longer searching for what isn't there or can't be had. It wastes too much of life.

Rosebud, I don't dream anymore. I was asked that question (seems like another lifetime)and whether I dreamed in color...the answer is neither, at this time.
Thank you for reading.
M

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

7 posted 2003-08-12 10:49 AM

Thank you Robert. I don't feel outdated to myself...just when out among others.

I am pigeon-holed, held to a different standard than others, can't get away with nothing, therefore I don't do those "nothings" that would probably get me what I want.

I am making myself laugh now..as these strange terminologies and explanations are falling out of my head onto these lines...where IS this coming from????

M

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.