shallow graves (for kaoru)

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Aenimal
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-18

Posts 7350
the ass-end of space

0 posted 2003-08-02 03:38 PM

she cups
a final breath
within her hands
a whisper soft
into the wind

in the garden
a sacrifice
of life for life
flowers laid
on shallow graves

premature
as pain that haunts
one so young

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

1 posted 2003-08-02 04:00 PM

Dear Raffaele, this is great poetry. You create an atmosphere of deep sorrow in just a few words.
Abbracci. Margherita

Kaoru

Member Elite

since 2003-06-07

Posts 3892
where the wild flowers grow

2 posted 2003-08-02 04:36 PM

Raph,

tip top and twisted into something beautiful,
like the red of blood
pricked on a thorn.

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

3 posted 2003-08-02 05:11 PM

in the garden
a sacrifice
of life for life
flowers laid
on shallow graves
==================

never thought about it like that...

very cool write here poet sir...
a heady mix of surreal, ethereal, and haunting at the same time..made more impressive that its done with tight succinctity. My muse is loooooong winded.

"How could I stand here with you and not be moved by you."

LH

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

4 posted 2003-08-02 05:13 PM

cool...very cool write, painful but cool

Dark Angel
Member Patricius

since 1999-08-04

Posts 10095

5 posted 2003-08-02 06:26 PM

Hey Sir Raph, you impress me more each time, I enjoyed this hauntimg piece.

Maree.

fate is not just
whose cooking smells good
but which way the wind blows

(Ani DiFranco)

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

6 posted 2003-08-02 06:32 PM

You, sir
have captured
an essence of Meghan...
but only one layer.

Dig deeper!

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-18

Posts 7350
the ass-end of space

7 posted 2003-08-02 07:21 PM

Grazie e Abbracci Margherita

Thanks Meg and thanks for the inspiration my muse was getting lazy

Thanks JM that idea was actually Meghan's I just worded it in my own way

Thanks Dix that's my MO i think

Thanks Maree as do you, still in awe from the ed duet and bumblebee

Thanks karilea based on a story she told me, I don't think you can ever capture the entire person

Wind

Member Elite

since 2002-10-12

Posts 2981

8 posted 2003-08-02 08:36 PM

DUH! i am such an idiot. I was sitting in open 27, wondering why it was moving so slow.. ugh

on other note, this is beautiful, and I'm sure Meg enjoyed it

I have been good for too long

insanity is not a crime

[This message has been edited by Wind (08-02-2003 09:07 PM).]

Kethry
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-29

Posts 9082
Victoria Australia

9 posted 2003-08-02 08:45 PM

Haunting and surrealbut also painfully real.You have an infallible instinct for this type of verse.
Kethry

Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown

littlewing
Member Rara Avis

since 2003-03-02

Posts 9655
New York

10 posted 2003-08-02 11:00 PM

Raph:

this is dark beauty . . .

inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-19

Posts 7392
Ohio

11 posted 2003-08-03 07:23 AM

sue, yes, her words some it up, tho i dont fully get it, i have my own thoughts and spins , but it is as she says

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-12-27

Posts 8348
Florida

12 posted 2003-08-03 11:32 AM

very nice...

Ceinwyn
Member Elite

since 2000-07-09

Posts 2175
VA

13 posted 2003-08-03 01:53 PM

to be so young and grow up too fast around the pain...yes....contagious I swear...

If at first you don't succeed destroy all the evidence that you tried.

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-18

Posts 7350
the ass-end of space

14 posted 2003-08-03 02:30 PM

Thanks all, inspired by Meghan who's cat recently gave birth prematurely, none of them made it ain't life grand

[This message has been edited by Aenimal (08-03-2003 02:31 PM).]

gemjop
Member Elite

since 2002-11-18

Posts 2587
Pencilveinia, USA

15 posted 2003-08-03 07:13 PM

Soft, aching sadness Raph..you spoke of the unfair loss so well.

Meg...Hugs..

Instant karma's gonna get you.

Brad Majors

Member Elite

since 2001-04-03

Posts 2647
Georgia

16 posted 2003-09-02 09:38 AM

awesome

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

17 posted 2003-09-02 09:59 AM

nicely done Raph.. a passion of sorts that underlies the whole... but always flowers to help the ones who feel too old...far too young.

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