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Open Poetry #28
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Life and death in Amarillo
| Open Poetry #28 |
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Life and death in Amarillo |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn 
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In the parking lot of the Sundown Motel a Gypsy moth struggled, dying amid the cigarette butts bottle caps and the hard-scrabble grasses that take refuge in the cracks of asphalt In room 111, a woman no longer young, no longer married and no longer.....loved sits at her laptop, plying her trade Sifting through the internet Looking for men of the “lonely” persuasion from which she ekes her hollow existence Subsisting wholly now on the undeserved kindness of strangers And on the emptiest of evenings she’ll summon a favorite with whom she spins the fantasies she lives One hand, active on the keyboard the other, busy beneath her clothing Or, “call me”, she’ll say, “so you can hear me” Night finds the moth, finally succumbed to the August heat of Amarillo sunshine It’s wings beat only, by means of scant breezes And the make-believe heiress emerges from her dark room to dance… Pirouetting on the pavement In the manner she fancies, a princess would prance Unmindful of the moth that she’d just ground into paste beneath her unseeing sandal Unmindful, that both Gypsy and moth share a similar fate… To be crushed by the weight of an imagined tiara "I've lost all I can...now, it's your turn" |
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| © Copyright 2003 E.F.Rose - All Rights Reserved | |||
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MARK V SHELDON Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 3015In a corporeal internship... |
Vividly surreal... Excellent imagery and jarringly powerful. You have a sharp talent for visual which you keep honing... -MVS You CAN make a difference: |
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brian sites Senior Member
since 2002-06-25
Posts 1475usa |
this is sharp.... and needed and one of your remarkable ones wow |
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Kahlil Senior Member
since 2003-04-12
Posts 1881 |
Vivid yes, you took me right to the place. Now you can just write the rest of the book! ~K~ |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
To be crushed by the weight of an imagined tiara ~*~ to be ground down by dreams is just as wounding as being ground down by realities... stark, vivid - always exceptional as your writing is... you never fail to pull out an ouch... |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
This was so good...and scary..because you just never know... Excellent detail! Susan C. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Wow... oh my. grin... plying her TRADE? *wince* oh STOP me...  This is quite a portrait Ed. Sad and true and yes, SHARP. and have to laugh at me too, 'cause I kept thinking, "b-but, but, but--I NEED MY tiara!"  Loved this. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
LOL at Serenity... where can I get one, m'dear? I've not been that fortunate[?] [This message has been edited by Sunshine (08-06-2003 11:19 AM).] |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Ed, Good Lord, you do know how to take me there, don't you? This made me feel disgust, pity and sadness . . . truly amazing power in your words as always xxoo |
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KristieSue
since 2003-01-31
Posts 1460PA, US |
how vivid! Loved this! I could imagine it the entire time...saw the whole thing in my mind.... Failure isn't failure if a lesson from it is learned ~ KS |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
wranx Sharp and vivid portrayal...and so human and real. You're good at seeing, my friend! |
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Tiersdin Member Elite
since 2000-11-17
Posts 2364east coast |
Excellente! ~Tier |
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Kaoru
since 2003-06-07
Posts 3892where the wild flowers grow |
Bravo.. |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
O my my, this is superb writing m'friend. It's so real, so vivid, amazing and powerful. I'm keeping this to read over and over again.  m'friend.Maree  fate is not just |
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WhileIWasGone Member
since 2002-07-18
Posts 486 |
Kisses Amore H |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
OH...wow...this is powerful, Ed...and I agree...SHARP. Much insight here, my friend. Hugs to you... "My friends are my estate." |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
*bump*  |
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icebox Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 4383in the shadows |
I bow to you, Sir. |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
Almost missed this gem! Beautifully done, my friend....you captured her. ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Reading... again. |
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icebox Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 4383in the shadows |
This needs more time at the top. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
This could stay at the top forever in my book... Absolutely excellent, Ed...some of the lines you use are so effortless and yet when I try to reproduce them in the same way in my own mind I fall way short... "Subsisting wholly now on the undeserved kindness of strangers" how many people does that fit??? You weave the perfect atmosphere, Ed. Reminds me of a scene from any one of Orson Welles' earlier movies....black and white/stark/gritty...you have a real style... |
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angelblueyes Member Elite
since 2003-07-19
Posts 2148Oklahoma |
You always amaze me with your imagery and words.It paints a story forme everytime. Crystal |
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
wranx - I'm glad I stopped by to read this, it's awesome in its scope and meaning... BC |
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