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Open Poetry #28
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My Father And I
| Open Poetry #28 |
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My Father And I |
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angelblueyes Member Elite
since 2003-07-19
Posts 2148Oklahoma |
I can remember when my father used to be my hero And then all of a sudden he just became a zero I remember the ways we used to laugh and play And he loved me in his fatherly way The time I could count on him, were always there The love we shared could not compare An innocent, funloving, and caring child That believed in love, life, and happiness all the while And then one day my father took away my innocence and childhood And tore apart everything that I understood No more did I laugh and play In my bedroom I would stay I feel like my soul has been torn in two And the majority of the time I don't know what to do How in the world could he take that from me How in the world could he be so cruel, be so mean Could he not see the fear and terror in my eyes Could he not hear the countless times that I cried Could he not know how my little heart was breaking At every touch that he was making Could he not see, that to me life wasn't real Could he not see the shame that he made me feel My father used to be the best person I had ever known But the love and the joy, where did it all go So now I struggle every day Just trying to make it through in a nnormal way My life has been so messed up over the years Through all of my anxieties and all of my fears The man that used to be my hero Is now nothing but a zero No more will you see us side by side No more will you that sparkle in my eyes For this is"MY FATHER AND I" Crystal |
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| © Copyright 2003 Crystal - All Rights Reserved | |||
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inkedgoddess Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392Ohio |
this is painful to read, and i hope you are talking to someone about it all |
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angelblueyes Member Elite
since 2003-07-19
Posts 2148Oklahoma |
inkedgodess:Yes I am and also writing of it for it releases all the pain that I've kept inside over the years.I decided it was time to finally let this all go and be the spirit that I know is in there.Everyday is a struggle but if I have to climb to the top of MT.Everest I'll make it.  Crystal |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Crystal, any words that I could write would be inadequate, but know this, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Any father who could do this to his own daughter, is unbalanced and that kind of behaviour is inexcusable. I know that what I am about to suggest may be beyond what you are emotionally capable of doing at the present time, but perhaps the day will come when you can pray for a healing for him as well. He sounds like a sick, lost soul. You are slowly, but surely, healing. You are stronger than you realize. You do not own what he has done to you. Release it. If you have not had some professional help to deal with this, perhaps you should. I hope you have a good network of friends and family with whom to share your feelings--and remember, you always have us!  Some of us in life are tested more than others. But the bigger the trial, the bigger the reward if we don't buckle under the pressures. Live, learn, and hopefully we grow! Sending you a rainbow of healing Light and my love, Linda xo [This message has been edited by Earth Angel (09-05-2003 01:17 PM).] |
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angelblueyes Member Elite
since 2003-07-19
Posts 2148Oklahoma |
Linda:I am talking with someone about this.As far as family there's not really anyone close.Everyone lives far away and are busy with their lives.My husband doesn't like to talk aobut it.But that's why I have my writes and I have 2 close friends that help me through everything.As for my father, I forgave him a long time ago, because no matter what someone does me to I'm not capable of hate or being unforgiving.Another quality my family can't understand.Oh well time goes by and this gets better, this is just my way to let it out so it doesn't consume me.  Crystal |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (tears fall down my cheeks) Oh Crystal, my heart goes out to you, dearest friend, no father should ever do this to his daughter and I pity all those heartless, abusive dads out there who afflict their children that way! (wipes tears) Though my heart cries for you, I know deep down with all my heart through your tears you will only grow stronger and become the most loving person and then your father will feel weak and ashamed when he sees how strong and pure you've become, which he could never be! (big hugggsssssss) You deserve extra big angel friendship healing hugs, sweet friend, know we will always be here for you as you endure these trials and we will help you climb the mountain, God Bless You, you are our blue-eyed angel friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Crystal, thank you for sharing! May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton I don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth |
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angelblueyes Member Elite
since 2003-07-19
Posts 2148Oklahoma |
Noah:No crying my friend.It will all come to pass under the Lord's judgement.I didn't intend for this to make you sad was just a release on my part.Here I'll even do a happy dance  heya heya heya heya hey, oops wait that's the rain dance lol...the happy dance is  if you're happy and you know it clap your hands if you're happy and you know it clap your hands if you're happy and you know it then your face will really show it if you're happy and you know it clap your hands...heheheheheThank you very much my friend and I return the healing hugs fom withn Crystal |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Crystal Although the subject is sad The write is far from bad. All things form our soul And set us on our goal. God bless. |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
Oh, this burns! I carry a knife as a matter of personal routine, not specifically as a weapon.... On its blade, just by a lucky chance, is engraved the name of such a man. Fortunately for him, he's already dead. ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
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angelblueyes Member Elite
since 2003-07-19
Posts 2148Oklahoma |
Sy:Thank you so much your short poem made me fee better god bless you my friend. Ratleader:I'm sorry if you've ever went through this and I hope with all my heart thatyou've been able to heal;May you be blessed in every walk of life. Crystal |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
Not me, but a friend so dear that I wish it had been me instead. ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
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angelblueyes Member Elite
since 2003-07-19
Posts 2148Oklahoma |
Ratleader:I hear you.This is a very hurtful and unbelieveable thing to happen to someone.I'm glad that she had a friend like you there.You being with her was a healing tool in itself.My friend your sincerity and help always shine in your ehart and soul. Crystal |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Crystal, I read this earlier. It touched me so that I couldn't reply right then. My daughter is going through this, too. It was her step-father, but it still caused many scars. She is in therapy now. I didn't know all of it until he died, and her husband told me. I wish that she would write so that some of her hurt could be released. Thank you, dear Crystal, for sharing this painful write with us. Hugs to you, sweet lady  Ethel |
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angelblueyes Member Elite
since 2003-07-19
Posts 2148Oklahoma |
Ethel:I'm so sorry to hear that she went through this and is having ot deal with this.Even if she could write just words down in a journal, Iw as told they don't even have to sentences a single word or a cluster of words.I tell you my writing has saved my soul and my heart and spirit more than once.I would go crazy and fill with anger and pain if I didn't.For your daughter I wish her the best of luck in healing and my prayers will be with her.For you and her family I wish the same and guide and support each other through these trying time.May God bless you all and may the rays of heaven lighten your way. Crystal |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
This touches the very depths of me with anguish for the child you were... and admiration for the woman you are. It's hard enough to completely accept that the shame isn't yours... for you to have a heart big enough to forgive shows what an incredible human being you are. This is a painful, powerful write... done well. |
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angelblueyes Member Elite
since 2003-07-19
Posts 2148Oklahoma |
suthern:Thank you so much.I can't say it was instant becuse there was alot of hurt and anger.I've had it rough like alot of children do, but I thank the maker everyday because it's made me the caring and compassionate person that I am today.You my friend are sweet adn have a caring spirit. Crystal |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 Yay! Happy Dance!!! (joins in circle and claps hands with you) God Bless You, sweet friend, know the angels will always be guiding you as you continue to grow with love and strength, yay!   Love, Noah Eaton I don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth |
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SharaRose Member Elite
since 2003-07-19
Posts 2501Somewhere out there~ |
Dear Angelblueyes I tried to email this to you, but there wasn't an icon for that here so all I will say is one act changed my life forever. I have been married twice in my life and both my husbands told me they were glad he was no longer with us. When he was dying, and on his death bed I went to him and hugged him, and cried, but as recent as june this year I was going to have to go to a place for a (sleep) study. I panicked for a few minutes, and called the clinic, and asked to speak to a female attendant. I did, and was assured there would be female staff on duty. If there wasn't I was not going to consernt to the test. I may have forgiven, but it's affects have followed me all my life. That was the most recent incident. I fear entering elevators alone, or walking near dense brush where I can't see if anyone is hiding in bushes...things of that sort. I don't consciously do this. I hadn't thought about it much for quite a while until month before last I was put in a situation where I would be sleeping alone in a room, and was faced with being alone and there might be men there, and no women. There are times, I won't lie about it...there are times I vascillate between forgivenss, and anger..it's times I feel the fear again ..like approaching elevators, or being alone in a room with men. If I have been introduced to them and have gotten to know them with other people around then I am fine, but if it's a stranger situation then I get *VERY* uncomfortable. Maybe ou are right. I need to write about it and get it out, but I just haven't yet. I kept it to myself for eleven years and then when I was pregnant with my first child,, needing a mother beside me and feeling like I needed to tell her I did that, and was not rec'd at all. I won't go in to that part of this, but I know what you are feeling and I still wonder to this day what did he think gave him the right to be something OTHER than the only person that I knew as a dad. I never saw my real dad but once. Thanks for sharing, and if you would like to email me, or anyone about this subject my icon is here in the box. You are welcomed. Thank you for listening to my story. I wish I could have just emailed this to keep it private, but you were bold enough to write about this so I wrote this to you for being so open. I appreciate you so much. You are a jewel and a gem of a person. God Bless you and keep you close in his care.   SharaRose @-->-- Of sound, and speech let all lift the hearer! |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
This is very sad...and happens I'm afraid far too often. I'm pleased you can try and forgive as that is the first step to healing. God Bless You Sweetie..take care... and you wrote this in a sensitive honest way. All the best to you. ~Heart Hugs, Nancy~ ~ Summer can't be over... |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Angelblueyes this is a terrible thing that your dad has done to you...I can only hope and pray that future relationships are loving and fulfilling for you...James |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
MyFriend~ *hugs* ~*Marge*~ ~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost, |
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angelblueyes Member Elite
since 2003-07-19
Posts 2148Oklahoma |
SharaRose:My heart and spirit go out to you my friend.I know how devestating this can be.I sent you an email and I meant every word.My friend may the light of heaven always shine down on you, may you be able to release this and you heart be free, and may you shed the tears and flow out the anger and hurt and let your spirit fly. Crystal Enchantress:Thank you very much.One day at a time is all I tell myself. James:Thank you very much.It means alot to me. Marge::squueze:Thanks. Crystal |
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