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Open Poetry #28
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Gavin
Junior Member
since 2003-06-22
Posts 47


0 posted 2003-08-30 11:59 AM


I’ve been walking now for hours
With no sun to burn my back,
The flames always seem to lie just ahead
And my eyelids never completely open,
So I give up walking maybe, perhaps for just a time
And sit alone on my stone soaked porch,
Listening intently to the searing black streets, blind
Burning away the calluses, slowly reopening the wounds in defeat,
Rushing down in beads of cooling as it were
Trying to aid the sweat
I begin to peel an orange with my fingers
But the acid only serves to melt away the tips
So I stand and scream in a plea for help
But none in time seem to answer
Hours and hours and hours on end
My mouth bleeds pity,
I ask for help and yearn for aid,
But no one sees the soul on the porch
Lifeless in breathing and melting away,
While he stairs down the street with eyes of pain
In hopes of another wave of rain, to come his way,
But alas, alias to flask, the stranger never came today to fill the water in his glass
So perhaps another ending to a story of old,
Of drought without a doubt, where time in ribbons strangles the weak
And leaves them out to die in the sun,
Melting away in the heat


© Copyright 2003 Gavin - All Rights Reserved
timothysangel1973
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Senior Member
since 2001-12-03
Posts 1725
Never close enough
1 posted 2003-08-30 12:11 PM


WOW!  I really enjoyed this Gavin.


Gavin
Junior Member
since 2003-06-22
Posts 47

2 posted 2003-08-30 12:25 PM


thanks timothysangel, yeah i went to a place called EVERYPOET.ORG and over there they are so strict on poetry you hardly ever get a good comment, so i had to change my style completely to get some sort of respect and this is my first attempt at it, instead of just 4 lined stanzas that have an a-b rhyme scheme i now need to view my writing in a whole new light and i'm actually starting to like writing free verse, so again thanks for the comments
timothysangel1973
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Senior Member
since 2001-12-03
Posts 1725
Never close enough
3 posted 2003-08-30 01:28 PM


Well, Gavin here at PIP you will get plenty of 'positive' feed back.  We too have rules, but as long as you remember where the lines are drawn...your poetry will be appreciated and will get many replies.

We are a loving family, and though critisism
is offered, I don't think that many will slay you without your direct consent...hehe,

I too used to think that poetry had to ryhme, but it surely does not.  You can learn many other styles of writing here as well Gavin.  Go into the poetry workshop or the poetry challenge forums.

Hope you have found yourself a poetic home!

You'll love it!

Tima (just one of the 'moddies' around here, lurking about)


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