Lost in the Whispers Modified Version

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Professor Gloom
Member Elite

since 2000-07-23

Posts 3082
of Depression

0 posted 2003-08-04 11:18 AM

Midst the loud
The bold and brassy,
almost silent in the crowd,
softness overwhelmed.

Whispers low
Her lips near my ear,
Words that I already know,
We both understand.

With a touch
We leave together,
Little said yet said so much,
Our hands then gather.

We depart,
To the forest near,
And down the gravel path start,
As trees soft whisper.

Summer breeze,
Sky hidden from view
By the canopy of leaves
Warm shadows cover

From the trail
To a moonlit pond
Where green fallen leaves take sail
Again she whispers.

Down the stream
The green boat now sails
We talk of our hopes and dreams
In times yet to come.

In shadows
Eyes sparkle like stars,
We whisper as the wind blows
And sit by the shore.

The night ends
And dawn find us there,
Together beneath the limbs
Now dripping with dew.

We go back
Finding the silence
The party has turned to black,
Everyone has gone.

There’s no band,
No crowd of dancers,
But gently I take your hand
And waltz to the dreams.

Gloom
This is in response to those who’ve asked why my poetry is sad,
the answer is it is my nature,
but as I’ve claimed before I can write any type of poetry
so here is the modified Happy Version

angelblueyes
Member Elite

since 2003-07-19

Posts 2148
Oklahoma

1 posted 2003-08-04 11:21 AM

You are very talented and wether happy or sad I am always pleased to read your writes.Very well done here.
angelblueyes

Ceinwyn
Member Elite

since 2000-07-09

Posts 2175
VA

2 posted 2003-08-04 11:24 AM

atleast you're not afraid to embrace your emotions whether happy or sad....and you express them beautifully....

If at first you don't succeed destroy all the evidence that you tried.

SharaRose
Member Elite

since 2003-07-19

Posts 2501
Somewhere out there~

3 posted 2003-08-04 12:21 PM

Oh, this is so pretty. The two of you make your own music, and dance through life together.. What a lovely thing that sounds to be. Very moving!

SharaRose @-->--

Of sound, and speech let all lift the hearer!

[This message has been edited by SharaRose (08-04-2003 12:22 PM).]

LeeJ
Member Patricius

since 2003-06-19

Posts 13296

4 posted 2003-08-04 12:24 PM

and you should so adopt this happy version, beauty and promise shines within..lovely poem

gemjop
Member Elite

since 2002-11-18

Posts 2587
Pencilveinia, USA

5 posted 2003-08-05 08:43 PM

He he. hmmmmm. just found this after replying to your other one.

Aszhard? I think you write perfectly just the way you are. Your first version certainly went into my library.

And, like i said in my other reply, the other poem was beautiful in the fact it contained light and dark. With the twist at the end.

Don't change dear Gloom. Many of us enjoy your words just the way they are.

Though, happiness, I want you to feel that too.

Modify no more! yer great!

Instant karma's gonna get you.

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

6 posted 2003-09-20 12:45 PM

Professor, I just found this modified version of your original poem. I just wanted to let you know that I like them both. And, as you said at the bottom of the poem, it does seem that you can write whatver you want to....so, just write from your heart.