Excuse Me While I Embarrass Myself

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Chanson
Senior Member

since 2000-08-19

Posts 1559
Up Creek w/Out Paddle

0 posted 2003-07-16 11:05 AM

Some things are better left unsaid,
pinned to the drying frond
faltering in a stagnant pond
in the Autumn wind or hiding in a
sneeze on Winter's sleeve after
a gusty heave-- I believe,
I have sinned.

At the first hint of cleavage
exposing mistake, erase in its wake
leaving no telltale ache when
mouth forsakes sense with a faulty brake.
I quiver and quake, rake up the cliche,
desperate to make amend,
my friend-- I believe,
I can bend, only time
will lend me.

I bought my share of mistakes so I might see some interest.
~Dorene

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

1 posted 2003-07-16 11:08 AM

Dorene, this is so true. Sometimes it's best just
to not say anything....but it's so hard sometimes
to be quiet.

Hugs

Ethel

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

2 posted 2003-07-16 11:12 AM

hmmm..not so embarassing...

You bend very gracefully, D

hugss
M

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius

since 2001-10-23

Posts 10549
By the Seaside

3 posted 2003-07-16 11:25 AM

Hi Chanson~ What a delightful poem this was.
lots of nice lines and little risk takers.

It's good to read you here this morning.

icebox
Member Elite

since 2003-05-03

Posts 4383
in the shadows

4 posted 2003-07-16 11:33 AM

You are excused, though I do not know why you would need to be.

I have yet to meet anyone who has not sinned.

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

5 posted 2003-07-16 12:14 PM

First line I would reconsider. It's funny how you mention "raking up the cliches" because you seem to have missed that one.

Then again, you might have used it for some purpose that I'm missing. Shrug...

I still love the way this is written. The little subtleties are extremely effective--particularly the first stanza, your description of nature as something sick and groggy. I found that very effective for setting the appropriate tone... would have liked the poem a bit longer, perhaps. Maybe another stanza? Or maybe I'm just greedy...

Great writing overall...

Parasite

Faith is a fine invention
When gentlemen can see
But microscopes are prudent
In an emergency.
~~~Emily Dickinson

Chanson
Senior Member

since 2000-08-19

Posts 1559
Up Creek w/Out Paddle

6 posted 2003-07-16 03:38 PM

Ethel-- It's that incrimination urge and knowing it's against our better judgement. Thanks for reading. *s

Maureen-- You always say the right things to make me feel better...*s Hugssss

BluesSerenade-- And it's always nice to hear from you too. Thanks bunches. *s

icebox-- This is true. I guess we shouldn't be too hard on ourselves. Thank you kindly. *s

Local Parasite-- I'll take your advice and rethink the first line. I used it because I couldn't think of a fresher way of saying it. (Ok. That's a cop out and I know it. I'll try harder! *L) I may expand on the poem as the words come. I'm pleased you enjoyed. Thank you. *s

I bought my share of mistakes so I might see some interest.
~Dorene

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