let the chips fall - pipTalk Forums

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Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

0 posted 2003-07-09 12:20 PM

Let the chips fall where they must
I’ll not let my heart turn to rust
just because love’s bank account went bust.

There are shinier, brighter coins
in the fountain of Life,
and I intend to reach
into the swirling pool of LOVE
and gather up my share.

So I can afford to let those tarnished chips fall
all at once onto your worn out card table,
because I don’t play those losing games anymore.

icebox
Member Elite

since 2003-05-03

Posts 4383
in the shadows

1 posted 2003-07-09 12:22 PM

Well said!

Pilgrimage
Member Elite

since 2001-12-04

Posts 3945
Texas, USA

2 posted 2003-07-09 12:23 PM

I love the way you work the metaphors in this one. And I love the upbeat ending. Well done!

Nan (Pilgrim variety)

xkiss_me_hardx
Junior Member

since 2003-07-08

Posts 13

3 posted 2003-07-09 12:28 PM

I'm not trying to be cruel, but I think your poem has potential. The rhyme at the beginning sounded a little forced, and it wasn't really continued throughout the whole poem. I think it would have been much better if you had continued it throughout the whole thing. There seems to be a good amount of emotion in this poem but I think your word use could be better, and that would convey your message much better. I think this poem has a great message and I love the metaphore of the chips and the game, but I think overall it could have been improved. On a scale of 1 to 10 I would give this a 5 or 6. I'm not trying to be cruel, just honest. Thank you and keep on writing

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

4 posted 2003-07-09 12:39 PM

icebox, Pilgrim...thanks!

Hello, to our new member X! No problem, I'm tougher than hardwood.
LOL, not bad for a throw-it-together post.
I threw it out, and will let the chips fall just as they came outta my brain.

Thanks for reading, and WELCOME to Pips!

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

5 posted 2003-07-09 12:53 PM

Thatta girl! Now you have two fistfuls of gold coins!--and they are all yours to play as you wish on the table of life!

Loves 'n hugs,
EA

[This message has been edited by Earth Angel (07-09-2003 12:54 PM).]

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

6 posted 2003-07-09 02:37 PM

thanks for the added value of encouragement Linda!

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