If you leave me................(yet another vintage selection)

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Open Poetry #27

If you leave me................(yet another vintage selection)

Local Rebel
Member Ascendant

since 1999-12-21

Posts 5767
Southern Abstentia

0 posted 2003-07-06 09:52 PM

If you leave me
if you Devour me
with Crimson
like so much silage
If you drink
me like Bloody
Marys
on New Years Eve
if like
gasoline
consumed till you
run

empty

If I survive
a day
a week
a month
a year
this crimson is now
and I need
a now
and if
you devour me
or leave me
I will still
be full
of crimson
forever

[This message has been edited by Local Rebel (07-06-2003 10:21 PM).]

IntoTheFlames
Member

since 2003-06-21

Posts 92
Va, USA

1 posted 2003-07-06 09:55 PM

Its deep and dark but I like it! Great write! I hope to see more of your work soon!

~*Summer*~

1slick_lady
Member Ascendant

since 2000-12-22

Posts 6088
standing on a shadow's lace

2 posted 2003-07-06 09:55 PM

for
if i
am just
a note
send it
back
unattached
ripped
and burnt

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius

since 2001-10-23

Posts 10549
By the Seaside

3 posted 2003-07-06 11:39 PM

That's a nice high.....that lasts forever!

I hope she never leaves you.

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

4 posted 2003-07-07 12:22 PM

and may the lip
recall the sip
long after
the taste is gone

huh?

Local Rebel
Member Ascendant

since 1999-12-21

Posts 5767
Southern Abstentia

5 posted 2003-07-07 02:39 PM

now this bottle has been dry for a long, long time... just pull out the cork every once in a while to see what it smells like...

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

6 posted 2003-07-08 05:12 AM

fumes can do wonders sometimes

Carolina
Member

since 2001-08-17

Posts 224
Myrtle Beach, SC

7 posted 2003-07-08 01:43 PM

"this crimson is now and I need a now"

Wow! I still enjoy your work, LR!

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

8 posted 2003-07-08 04:13 PM

ROTFL at that cork remark.
Shall I wave a magic wand or just grin?

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

9 posted 2003-07-08 04:20 PM

interesting piece... understand the intent I think and the wording plays itself well down the page as well as into the mind... couple of places I stumbled... but not sure they are not intentional to slow the reader down and to show the bit of dissonance in the feelings themselves...

prime writing.. strong enough to want a chaser...

enjoyed a great deal.

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

10 posted 2003-07-08 04:25 PM

this crimson is now
and I need
a now

~*~

Now I know
who you remind me of
with this photo...

Tom Skerritt

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