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Open Poetry #27

I am a river

Jason Lyle
Senior Member

since 2003-02-07

Posts 1438
With my darkling

0 posted 2003-06-27 10:41 PM

I am a river
I flow
And feel nothing
but the flow

Jason Lyle
Senior Member

since 2003-02-07

Posts 1438
With my darkling

1 posted 2003-06-27 10:41 PM

god what a cliche

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

2 posted 2003-06-27 11:02 PM

Then add to it Jason...
what does the river leave behind?

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-18

Posts 7350
the ass-end of space

3 posted 2003-06-27 11:47 PM

Nah you got rid of any cliche with the second part..you diffused it and made it a pwerful statement about the numbness we sometimes feel..i need a drink

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

4 posted 2003-06-28 12:22 PM

I'm with Raph

timothysangel1973

Senior Member

since 2001-12-03

Posts 1725
Never close enough

5 posted 2003-06-28 12:27 PM

I thought it was great!

I wanna be numb sometimes and can't.....

....Ahhh, numbness, wait up Raph and Dixie!

littlewing
Member Rara Avis

since 2003-03-02

Posts 9655
New York

6 posted 2003-06-28 05:28 AM

Jason
its perfect as it is . . .

exactly . . . adding more would make
you a raging wild turbulent wave rushing full of fish and wildlife green swimming blue river thus we would never feel the flow . . .

awesome write indeed
xxoo

DragonFang
Senior Member

since 2000-03-09

Posts 522
Missouri, USA

7 posted 2003-06-28 06:17 AM

nice, short and sweet. I often feel that way.

Gina Culliney
Member

since 2003-03-08

Posts 170

8 posted 2003-06-29 02:52 PM

lil teaser!

inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-19

Posts 7392
Ohio

9 posted 2003-06-29 04:02 PM

we are all a cliche tho, dont worry..be happy

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