Connections Unknown ( Duet with Duncan as requested from poetry Challenge)

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Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

0 posted 2003-06-26 04:28 PM

I'm not fond of temporary,
takes me by surprise
every time

and I may be wounded...
I'm not sure, it's been awhile
since I admitted
to caring
that much
or was without anesthesia
long enough
to achieve such depth
of awareness
as interest
would require

I've checked for spreading stains
to announce some leak
of blood
but found no trace
this wound will bleed me
into weakened state
or comatic divinity
and am now
in wonder
when did this begin?
when did I forget
and care?

And if not blood
then what cost
will I bear
when you’re gone?

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

1 posted 2003-06-26 04:43 PM

Uh-oh....

I thought I would be able to tell
who wrote what.

It's nice to be wrong once in a while.

Seamless, guys...

and really good!

I'll bet that porch puppy is wagging his tail now!

Magnus

Member Laureate

since 2001-10-10

Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA

2 posted 2003-06-26 05:05 PM

I think I can tell...but yanno, I am not
gonna bet on which is which...

Yes, very well done by ya both..

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

3 posted 2003-06-26 05:08 PM

And if not blood
then what cost
will I bear
when you’re gone?

Too much to contemplate. *S* This is great work, guys! *S*

Dark Angel
Member Patricius

since 1999-08-04

Posts 10095

4 posted 2003-06-26 05:11 PM

excellent work both of you.

Enjoyed muchly

Maree

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

5 posted 2003-06-26 05:58 PM

two of my most favored poets...you boys play nice together

yes, definately couldn't tell who was where, thought I'd be able to also...excellent duet

Patricia
Member Elite

since 2003-04-06

Posts 2160
Missouri

6 posted 2003-06-26 06:45 PM

I read this a couple of hours ago...This verse reminded me of my own "emotional numb," a feeling that I have known quite well at times in my life. Believe it or not, Ron. LOL

Now I come back to read again and reply and that same exact feeling overwhelms me.

At what cost? A very high price indeed... Emotional numbness.

This poem reminds me of a line from a Goo Goo Dolls song (I think it is the Goo Goo Dolls)

"...Yah, I bleed just to know I'm alive..."

This is exceptional work, you two.  And it is absolutely seamless.

Patricia

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

7 posted 2003-06-26 06:59 PM

Perfect example of the way a duet should be..
I don't know who wrote what..and that's a good thing!

Wonderful you two guys...love it!
~Hugs~

~If you haven't heard the sunset,
you haven't been listening.~

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

8 posted 2003-06-26 07:05 PM

ya know...I really wanna reply to this but
seeings how the porch puppy still hasnt seriously replied to my poem over in Sanctuary..I just cant seem to find the words...LMAO

Sorry Ron..but Dunc just seems to have an aversion to tigerboy poetry

heh

All I can feel is this distance between you and me.
I can say I love you but I can't make you believe me
because touching is believing.

c.j.

Greeneyes

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-09-09

Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind

9 posted 2003-06-26 08:20 PM

Bravo

I too thought I would be able to tell.....nicely done....

Lauren~

Through the darkness
I can see your light
And you will always shine
And I can feel your heart in mine

I will remember you

Wind

Member Elite

since 2002-10-12

Posts 2981

10 posted 2003-06-26 08:52 PM

Wow, I've been looking forward to this guys, but ehhem, you had the "slowpoke" jk, really dramatic, I put it in my library. It's just my kind of poem.

I said I'm going to buy a gun and start a war,
If you can tell me something worth fighting for
-coldplay

Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

11 posted 2003-06-26 10:04 PM

Well, it was a worthy challenge, and you were up to it. Good work.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

Nightshade

Member Patricius

since 2001-08-31

Posts 13962
just out of reach

12 posted 2003-06-26 10:08 PM

AWESOME !!
hugs to you both !!

Chris

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

13 posted 2003-06-26 10:13 PM

AHA! now I understand. You two are conjoined twins! LOL, this is an amazing blend, a flawless mixture of poetic passion.
Do you chew doublemint gum too?

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

14 posted 2003-06-26 10:35 PM

or was without anesthesia
long enough
to achieve such depth
of awareness
as interest
would require

I've checked for spreading stains
to announce some leak
of blood
but found no trace
this wound will bleed me
into weakened state
or comatic divinity
and am now
in wonder
when did this begin?
when did I forget
and care?

And if not blood
then what cost
will I bear
when you’re gone?
==============================

poetic dueting at its finest..when each verse belongs with the one before it...
when the poets finish each others thought..
and whats always my personal fave of your twos writing is those kick in the chest closing verses of impact...

damn fine poem for a couple of slackers

All I can feel is this distance between you and me.
I can say I love you but I can't make you believe me
because touching is believing.

c.j.

wranx
Member Elite

since 2002-06-07

Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn

15 posted 2003-06-27 12:06 PM

Damned nice, fellas!

And I'm with kacy et al, on the who did the what here...

Ed

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

16 posted 2003-06-27 05:09 AM

nice work

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

17 posted 2003-06-27 07:43 AM

Thanks everyone... The slacker half of the duet will probably get around to saying thanks sometime next week if he remembers he actually posted something and that he needs to be polite at least and thank you all.

Despite his evident lack of attention span he seems to have short periods of lucidity that provide insight into the human emotional condition..and he can write a decent line.. LOL...

OK..OK... seriously...it was fun working with him and he made this piece what it is, I just filled in the blanks along the edges.

thank you all for taking the time to read and comment. If it is seamless in form it is Duncan's skill that made it so..

Duncan
Member Ascendant

since 2001-08-07

Posts 5455

18 posted 2003-06-27 08:57 AM

A yawning Thank You all this morning! Be back when the sun's a bit higher in the sky.

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

19 posted 2003-06-27 09:12 AM

I love it, I love it, I love it. And I said I wouldn't venture any guesses when the Cap was involved, but? It's just a hunch that Duncan wrote that second verse...grin.

This sorta reminds me of...Dr. Phil gets analyzed.

And thanks you too, for making a dream come true. Now if ya'll have some spare time, there IS this second scenario...

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