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The Two Scariest Responses
| Philosophy 101 |
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The Two Scariest Responses |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I talk a lot. One of the scariest responses I get now and then is when making a statement, they respond, "Ah, I know what you mean." I'm often dumbfounded because I don't see how they could. I've seen it happen to others as well. Back, many, many years ago, I lived in America. Remember the OJ Simpson trial? Two women were talking, one who worked in the LA courthouse, she said, "You have no idea what's happening there. The answer is so obvious that. . ." "Ah I know what you mean. It's so obvious that he's guilty," said the other woman. "Uh, innocent." Embarrassed silence. Oh, and the other response that always scares the hell out of me, "Don't worry, everything will turn out all right." |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Fear not, Brad. You will NEVER hear me say, "I know what you mean"!  |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
i know you are mean.  |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Christopher, Perhaps I am. I just noticed that your thread 'Feeling' (posted two years ago) was bumbed. I have no problems that it was bumped, and some of the responses were cute (Serenity's was the best, but Martie and Interloper seemed to be saying nice things as well). But no one asked what you were feeling. I don't understand this. Sure, it may have been private, people may have taken e-mail paths to discover the problem, but I'm at a loss to understand how anyone can know what you're feeling unless you tell us. Are we, to some people, really just vessels for amorphous, ineffable, and yet universal feeling? Solidarity as anaesthesia? |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
I know what you mean, Brad. Now before you jump on me, I'm not saying that I unequivocally and exactly understand what you mean. What I'm saying (as I imagine many/most are) is that within the realms of my experience, what I am hearing from you fits within an understanding based on my own perspective. Taken literally, I don't believe it's possible. Taken with a little bit of slack, I think there are many possibilities of "knowing what you mean." I think feeling that one is on the same "wavelength" as another engenders a closeness to another. It can also serve to enable one to "fit in." Of course, as your laughable example shows... such is not always the case! As to my post (had to go back and add this part because I forgot to first time 'round), I think that's also a common desire to a) fit in, be part of a shared understanding with another and b) a way to attempt helping another by exhibiting said understanding. I doubt anyone thinks they actually know literally what another is feeling (especially in this typ eof amorphous situation), but is bending the understanding to a generalization. While depression has many different root causes as well as symptoms, it's generally accepted that it feels "bad." Likewise for happiness, or other emotions. In turn, when one expresses something over an event, the emotion is assumed by others based on their experience... and here I am rambling, realizing that typing in here means I stay away from the work on my desk that needs to be done. LOL - know how that feels? For the record, as I recall only one of the people in that thread wrote me an email.  |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Chris...your Feelings thread was bumbed?? That wasn't very nice!  |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
quote: I suppose being on the same 'wavelength' does do exactly the things you say. I just don't see how it can be forced without staying on an extremely general level, and staying on a general level leaves one in, I think, a permanent case of general anxiety. That can't be good. I was watching a Friends episode, the one where her mom tries to reunite with Feebie: "Well, what do you like?" "I like pizza." "Wow, me too." Now that's funny. But the humor is lost when it becomes: "Well, do you like?" "Yes, I like." "Wow, me too." Without knowing what it is you like. quote: No doubt there is. But these are two different things, aren't they? 'Fitting in' is public, a 'shared understanding' is personal. I don't 'fit in' with my wife, but I do think we have a shared understanding -- at least some of the time. quote: But how helpful is it? I don't know, maybe, the question should be, "How harmful is it?" quote: Here's the deal. If the priority is to fit in or to have a shared understanding, and we live in a community that believes we should help others, not by solving problems, not by listening, or even simple support, but by commiseration, aren't we creating the seeds for just more of the same? CS Lewis, in a different context puts it this way: quote: --Mere Christianity p. 32. Italics are mine. I still have problems with that word, truth, but other than that, I think he's right here. quote: What? Resisting the running capitalist dogs in there infernal drive to make my life as tedious as possible? 'Tis a noble thing you do, Sir, a noble thing. |
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Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia |
Babies crying in a nursery. One starts, the others follow. Know what I mean? |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
A third and personally the most feared response Well, it can't get any worse. |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Yeah, my eyebrow raises (In true Spock/Rock fashion) on that one too. |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
Exactly, it can always get worse.. Live long and prosper if ya smeeeeell..what the spok is cooking, captain. |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Interesting ... I have the same reaction when someone says, "I just assumed ..." |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
How about ... "well, that's just the way it is"... |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
yeah, Kari, that's the one... i used to tell my employees that the worst answer they could ever give me in response to why they were doing something a certain way was "that's the way we've always done it." grrr. |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
"Don't look a gift horse in the mouth" Tell that to the Trojans, besides you try getting the same cd 3 christmas' in a row 'Quantum materiae materietur marmota monax si marmota |
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Ron
Administrator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-05-19
Posts 8669Michigan, US |
The only response that truly frightens me is no response. |
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Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia |
That's it exactly Ron. And what I was getting at earlier. We need synchronization in order to communicate. It's part of the process. Uh huh, Go on, Yeah, I know what you mean... all they really mean is -- I'm listening. Nothing much to be afraid of. How are you? Fine. You? Great Yeah! Nice day. Doesn't say much -- but it facilitates the process -- and the non-verbals that are going on during the process are the bulk of the real communication. |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
I find this one a bit frightening: "Whatever" |
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berengar Member
since 2004-01-02
Posts 86 |
"I wasn't to know." |
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