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Duncan
Member Ascendant

since 2001-08-07

Posts 5455

0 posted 2003-04-20 04:57 PM

I hadn’t thought much
about a destination
but was letting Savannah
settle in my mind a bit,
for now
moving in a southerly direction
seemed progress enough

I pulled into a truck stop around noon
for a fill up and a Coke, dropped the ragtop
and pulled a map out of the glove box.
Unfolding it absently, I looked towards
the sun, already bold in the sky.
I was feeling more familiar to myself
with each ray that soaked my skin.
Maybe it was time to drift awhile,
the clouds and I
having no place we had to be,
no one we had to please.

When discord quiets
and the smooth drone of the road
lulls the ache of vacancy,
it’s funny…the thoughts
that come to mind

I slowed while passing a farm
and wondered how it would feel to sleep
after working fourteen hours in the Carolina sun,
till sweat left sodium tracks down my neck
and hands were too tired to grasp anything
heavier than the spoon stirring my coffee

I went wide around a couple good ole boys
with half the motor of an El Camino
spread on the ground around them,
who threw up their hands in greeting as I passed
and wondered how it would feel to have a friend
I’d known all my life

I watched as porch light and lantern were lit
dotting home and hill while evening danced
to crickets song and face of moon,
holding safe its charges way
and wondered how it would feel to have a home
I never had to leave

Drifting back roads
it’s funny…the thoughts
that come to mind

wranx
Member Elite

since 2002-06-07

Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn

1 posted 2003-04-20 05:01 PM

Put me back into one of my old roadsters, having the old thoughts. Traveling the old roads...Damn you!

Strange, but I do miss those lonely rides

QjQ
Member Elite

since 2003-04-18

Posts 3756
U.S.A.

2 posted 2003-04-20 05:02 PM

this brings back many memorys of past

thanks for the memorys

Bill Charles
Member Patricius

since 2000-07-11

Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now

3 posted 2003-04-20 05:02 PM

Ducan - damn, this is one heck of a write, I like it much.

'and wondered how it would feel to have a home
I never had to leave

Drifting back roads
it’s funny…the thoughts
that come to mind'

"wondered the same many times to have a home
where I could stay

Not to drift all those back roads
thinking about things
that come to my mind"

BC

regards2you
Member Elite

since 2002-10-01

Posts 3940
California

4 posted 2003-04-20 06:08 PM

Duncan,

Such enjoyable reading...just moves smoothly and slowly right along...almost meandering...

My favorite stanza, the one with the porch lights and lanterns....

Favorite telling, touching lines:

"lulls the ache of vacancy"

and...

"and wondered how it would feel to have a friend I'd known all my life"

Good imagery...felt like I was riding right along...

Hugs, Pat

..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons..
"Desiderata"

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

5 posted 2003-04-20 07:29 PM

Hey, I get to ride along on the next trip, OK? Dang Dunc, you really need to write a novel. You're halfway there already with the character development and plot, and your scenic camera shots are superb. I'm not kidding you bro, you have real talent, and you never fail to hold the reader's interest.

vandana

Member Patricius

since 1999-10-22

Posts 10463
USA

6 posted 2003-04-20 08:04 PM

enjoyed

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

7 posted 2003-04-20 08:36 PM

Ah...ha! I knew, I knew

a story brewed....

Carolina...my good and wandering friend...
how well you told this....

I felt the ache as I stirred the coffee....

good, good...better'n good....

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

8 posted 2003-04-20 09:06 PM

Duncan, buddy, this part got me tickled for some reason....

------------------------------------
the sun, already bold in the sky.
I was feeling more familiar to myself
with each ray that soaked my skin.
------------------------------------

And this part made me want to cry because of some memories right now.......

-----------------------------------------
I watched as porch light and lantern were lit
dotting home and hill while evening danced
to crickets song and face of moon,
holding safe its charges way
and wondered how it would feel to have a home
I never had to leave
------------------------------------------

And all of it kept my interest completely. I sure do wish you would do more of these, Sir.

Hugs,
Ethel

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

9 posted 2003-04-21 08:34 AM

I pulled into a truck stop around noon
for a fill up and a Coke, dropped the ragtop
and pulled a map out of the glove box.
Unfolding it absently, I looked towards
the sun, already bold in the sky.
I was feeling more familiar to myself
with each ray that soaked my skin.
Maybe it was time to drift awhile,
the clouds and I
having no place we had to be,
no one we had to please.

When discord quiets
and the smooth drone of the road
lulls the ache of vacancy,
it’s funny…the thoughts
that come to mind

I slowed while passing a farm
and wondered how it would feel to sleep
after working fourteen hours in the Carolina sun,
till sweat left sodium tracks down my neck
and hands were too tired to grasp anything
heavier than the spoon stirring my coffee

===================================

As I have said before...while your succinct poetry is your trademark....your pen has found another impressive muse in these serial writes of imagery and expression...
and I do believe you've found your poetic niche' ... JUST DONT MAKE THE MOTH WAIT SO LONG in between installments yayayaya
scratch the itch more often

Two words....

RAZOR BURN!!!!

heh

You're the best I've ever felt ...
it's so wrong not to be with you.
It's getting harder to stay away,
it stops my heart just to be with you.

SH

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

10 posted 2003-04-21 08:57 AM

Ah.. nicely written Dunc.. you weave well the story line and it seems to float in a drift to match the feeling that says.. not in a hurry here... just going to live a moment..a moment of now.

good stuff...

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

11 posted 2003-04-21 11:03 AM

Very well done Duncan..
You are excellent with the telling of stories...
May we have more please?
~Smiles & Hugs, Nancy~

~Somewhere in my heart I'm always
dancing with you in the summer rain~

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

12 posted 2003-04-21 04:54 PM

Nice...James

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

13 posted 2003-04-21 05:04 PM

Duncan
Well done, good intro for a short story,
enjoyed.

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