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wranx
Member Elite

since 2002-06-07

Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn

0 posted 2003-04-20 04:55 PM

My sins
are shown in blooded beads
marked plain across my forehead

I have crafted this crown

I am stooped
under the weight of empty years
Flogged along my road to perdition
stumbling over hope

And still, I proceed

Stripped and striped
my body is scribed with tales
of hesitant love and prurient urge

My back, turned to the lash

The future flows freely
through these holes in my hands
even as I attempt to grasp it
To clasp it close

Yet, I still reach

My feet
are nailed fast to the killing floor
with the sharp spikes of denial
Hammered home in my blindness

Even though I aver

I bear
a deep wound in the core of me
where spear-like impatience
had sought my deliverance

I hear the stone, rolling

[This message has been edited by wranx (04-20-2003 10:43 PM).]

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-18

Posts 7350
the ass-end of space

1 posted 2003-04-20 05:02 PM

In awe of this, ascend my friend

regards2you
Member Elite

since 2002-10-01

Posts 3940
California

2 posted 2003-04-20 05:05 PM

Wranx,

This is so powerful and deeply felt.

One of the best poems I've ever read in a long time...I will not be able to reread without crying all over again...Oh, my...

I do not have the words to tell you how well written this is.

Thank you for it.

Hugs, Pat

..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons..
"Desiderata"

[This message has been edited by regards2you (04-20-2003 08:21 PM).]

Duncan
Member Ascendant

since 2001-08-07

Posts 5455

3 posted 2003-04-20 05:11 PM

'Stripped and striped
My back is scribed with tales
Of hesitant love and prurient urge

My back turned to the lash

The future flows freely
Through these holes in my hands
Even as I attempt to grasp it
To clasp it close

Yet, I still reach'

Your poetry extends some amazing surreal visuals Ed. Love the last line...

QjQ
Member Elite

since 2003-04-18

Posts 3756
U.S.A.

4 posted 2003-04-20 05:14 PM

a absolute write I'm looking forward to more

WhileIWasGone
Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 486

5 posted 2003-04-20 05:48 PM

Amazing Ed...

Ti amo
H

dreambuilder
Member

since 2003-03-23

Posts 319
caddyshack

6 posted 2003-04-20 06:03 PM

as one bearing those same marks
of self crucifiction

I stand in awe
at your ability to express
through words - written
these self laden burdens

I await resurrection

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

7 posted 2003-04-20 06:31 PM

"My feet
Are nailed fast to the killing floor
With the sharp spikes of denial
Hammered home in my blindness"

Wranx...

what is most amazing about this
is that you don't say anything other
than how humanely you have walked
through this life...

but this particular part...
drives it home.

Thank you...for reading me...
for teaching...more.

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

8 posted 2003-04-20 07:15 PM

words haven't come to my lips or fingers yet, to describe my reaction
dang
and dang again
this one bleeds of humanity

vandana

Member Patricius

since 1999-10-22

Posts 10463
USA

9 posted 2003-04-20 08:05 PM

enjoyed

Nightshade

Member Patricius

since 2001-08-31

Posts 13962
just out of reach

10 posted 2003-04-20 08:09 PM

Excellent writing here wranx. I am adding this to my library. Gee whiz. Chris

"Hope" is the thing with feathers-
that perches in the soul....

-Emily Dickinson

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

11 posted 2003-04-20 08:56 PM

wow...if you have the time, do you think you could do a discourse on this one in The Mystic Muse--er--sometime this week, for the ASoTS group? hmmm? purdy please? I will do one on triple goddess--say you will and I will too...battin' eyelashes and begging...

LOVED THIS!!!

Corinne
Member Ascendant

since 1999-10-28

Posts 5167
state of confusion

12 posted 2003-04-20 09:01 PM

A dark and timely piece, Ed. A reminder of what we were
and still are.

Core

brian sites
Senior Member

since 2002-06-25

Posts 1475
usa

13 posted 2003-04-20 11:50 PM

hands
feet
head

down

this is truly
one of the finest things you
have ever written Ed

I got dem ole laundry mat blues agin....

bravo friend

Kahlil
Senior Member

since 2003-04-12

Posts 1881

14 posted 2003-04-21 12:59 PM

this write is superb, it is SUPERB..
why not a book entry?

Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

15 posted 2003-04-21 01:03 AM

I don't know whether this is your best or only seems so because it is the one in front of me. I sometimes get that feeling about your work -- that whatever poem of yours I'm reading is the best yet.

If not, it's a photo finish. You really rattled the bars with this one!

Ed

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

littlewing
Member Rara Avis

since 2003-03-02

Posts 9655
New York

16 posted 2003-04-21 05:58 AM

Ed:

it is all right here . . . .

I bear
a deep wound in the core of me
where spear-like impatience
had sought my deliverance

I hear the stone, rolling

this is your best (I say that every time - hmmmmm . . . looks as if you a writer after all . . . hehehehe gotcha

This IS *jaw dropping* intense . . . xxoo

[This message has been edited by littlewing (04-21-2003 05:58 AM).]

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

17 posted 2003-04-21 08:18 AM

very impressive employ of imagery, metaphor,
vocabulary and phrasing to create this angsty impactful write. Stark and vivid...emotive and expressive.
Very well done poet sir.

You're the best I've ever felt ...
it's so wrong not to be with you.
It's getting harder to stay away,
it stops my heart just to be with you.

SH

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

18 posted 2003-04-21 11:23 AM

Ed, I had my reply all ready early this morning, but whenever I copied and pasted one of the parts I liked best, my computer wanted to freeze up on this page, so I didn't post my reply right then. I just got back to it and you've changed part of it, I think. But, this part still stood out at me .......

-----------------------------------------
The future flows freely
through these holes in my hands
even as I attempt to grasp it
To clasp it close

Yet, I still reach
-----------------------------------------

This is one of the best writes I have ever read. Have you got your book ready yet?

Hugs,
Ethel

[This message has been edited by garysgirl (04-21-2003 11:24 AM).]

1slick_lady
Member Ascendant

since 2000-12-22

Posts 6088
standing on a shadow's lace

19 posted 2003-04-21 01:24 PM

ed...you are such an amazing writer...your word power with feeling is incredible...i am in awe of you...helen

Severn
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-07-17

Posts 7704

20 posted 2003-04-22 04:11 AM

Interesting extended metaphor there Wranx...

(personally I hope writing is not a passing thing for you - you've got potential and talent...)

thanks for the read..

K

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius

since 2001-10-23

Posts 10549
By the Seaside

21 posted 2003-04-22 10:38 PM

I don't think anyone goes through life
without getting wounded, it's the healing
that defines us and makes us whole.

Peace wranx~

wranx
Member Elite

since 2002-06-07

Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn

22 posted 2003-04-24 07:59 PM

Well, this has been dissected in the "Mystic Muse" forum at Asots.

Sheesh and yer welcome!
http://groups.msn.com/ArtisticStylingsofTwistedSerenity/themysticmuse.msnw

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant

since 2000-04-26

Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium

23 posted 2003-04-25 07:45 AM

Thanks for sharing this wonderful write...

regards,
sudhir

poetSeaMaiden
Member

since 2003-04-25

Posts 107

24 posted 2003-04-25 04:50 PM

Oh wow, this has left me sitting here in awe - this is so amazing, a true craft! There were two different lines that really took me in, but I don't remember them word for word - of course the best is the last line for sure, but I also liked the part about the future slipping through the holes in your hands....wow, is all I can say! 10 stars for this sir, good work!

KoKo
Senior Member

since 2003-02-15

Posts 995
Inside the shadow's shadow

25 posted 2003-04-25 05:06 PM

Oh.
My.
Gosh.
This is so STRONG...I don't know what to say...what will add up to the enormity of this poem. I, also, am in awe. This is going straight into my private library. I wish you would consider this for the book!!!!!!

I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man.
--Chang Tzu

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

26 posted 2003-05-25 04:57 AM

SimplyGold
Senior Member

since 2002-07-10

Posts 1453

27 posted 2003-05-25 05:19 AM

Powerful!
SG

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

28 posted 2003-05-25 05:50 AM

http://groups.msn.com/ArtisticStylingsofTwistedSerenity/themysticmuse.msnw?action=get_message&mview=0&ID_Message=4483&LastModified=4675419274418008187

Try that link to the dissection as this was an incredible write about not only "his" last day but I feel it could be all of mankind Wranx. Enjoyed this so much.

majnu

Senior Member

since 2002-10-13

Posts 1088
SF Bay Area

29 posted 2003-05-25 12:57 PM

i found this to be quite trite. not like most of your other work which is usually distinctive and orginal. the conceit of the cross bearing is tired in the first place, and your repeated analogies just got redundant and boring.

-majnu
--------------------------------------
Timid thoughts be not afraid. I am a Poet.

icebox
Member Elite

since 2003-05-03

Posts 4383
in the shadows

30 posted 2003-05-25 12:57 PM

After deleting what I have wriiten about this (several times) all I will say is thank you.

wranx
Member Elite

since 2002-06-07

Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn

31 posted 2003-05-25 04:22 PM

Thanks for the insight, friend majnu.

There may come a time when I am able to say what I want to say in a manner....more entertaining.
In the meantime, this is all I can offer.

Perhaps, in another 30 years or so, when life has added a little something to color your perspective, this will seem less trite.

Thanks for taking the time to comment.

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

32 posted 2003-05-26 04:02 PM

Ed? In the movie "The Mothman Chronicles" the question was posed, in response to WHY "god" does not make the reasons and being of existance clear--

"Have YOU ever tried to explain YOUR self to a cockroach?"

(prolly not an exact quote, but same idea)

You did good, m'yeti.

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