Open Poetry #26 |
Stigmata |
wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn |
My sins are shown in blooded beads marked plain across my forehead I have crafted this crown I am stooped under the weight of empty years Flogged along my road to perdition stumbling over hope And still, I proceed Stripped and striped my body is scribed with tales of hesitant love and prurient urge My back, turned to the lash The future flows freely through these holes in my hands even as I attempt to grasp it To clasp it close Yet, I still reach My feet are nailed fast to the killing floor with the sharp spikes of denial Hammered home in my blindness Even though I aver I bear a deep wound in the core of me where spear-like impatience had sought my deliverance I hear the stone, rolling [This message has been edited by wranx (04-20-2003 10:43 PM).] |
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© Copyright 2003 E.F.Rose - All Rights Reserved | |||
Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
In awe of this, ascend my friend |
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regards2you Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940California |
Wranx, This is so powerful and deeply felt. One of the best poems I've ever read in a long time...I will not be able to reread without crying all over again...Oh, my... I do not have the words to tell you how well written this is. Thank you for it. Hugs, Pat ..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.. "Desiderata" [This message has been edited by regards2you (04-20-2003 08:21 PM).] |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
'Stripped and striped My back is scribed with tales Of hesitant love and prurient urge My back turned to the lash The future flows freely Through these holes in my hands Even as I attempt to grasp it To clasp it close Yet, I still reach' Your poetry extends some amazing surreal visuals Ed. Love the last line... |
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QjQ Member Elite
since 2003-04-18
Posts 3756U.S.A. |
a absolute write I'm looking forward to more |
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WhileIWasGone Member
since 2002-07-18
Posts 486 |
Amazing Ed... Ti amo H |
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dreambuilder Member
since 2003-03-23
Posts 319caddyshack |
as one bearing those same marks of self crucifiction I stand in awe at your ability to express through words - written these self laden burdens I await resurrection |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
"My feet Are nailed fast to the killing floor With the sharp spikes of denial Hammered home in my blindness" Wranx... what is most amazing about this is that you don't say anything other than how humanely you have walked through this life... but this particular part... drives it home. Thank you...for reading me... for teaching...more. |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
words haven't come to my lips or fingers yet, to describe my reaction dang and dang again this one bleeds of humanity |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
enjoyed |
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Nightshade
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962just out of reach |
Excellent writing here wranx. I am adding this to my library. Gee whiz. Chris "Hope" is the thing with feathers- |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
wow...if you have the time, do you think you could do a discourse on this one in The Mystic Muse--er--sometime this week, for the ASoTS group? hmmm? purdy please? I will do one on triple goddess--say you will and I will too...battin' eyelashes and begging... LOVED THIS!!! |
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Corinne Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167state of confusion |
A dark and timely piece, Ed. A reminder of what we were and still are. Core |
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brian sites Senior Member
since 2002-06-25
Posts 1475usa |
hands feet head down this is truly one of the finest things you have ever written Ed I got dem ole laundry mat blues agin.... bravo friend |
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Kahlil Senior Member
since 2003-04-12
Posts 1881 |
this write is superb, it is SUPERB.. why not a book entry? |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
I don't know whether this is your best or only seems so because it is the one in front of me. I sometimes get that feeling about your work -- that whatever poem of yours I'm reading is the best yet. If not, it's a photo finish. You really rattled the bars with this one! Ed ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Ed: it is all right here . . . . I bear a deep wound in the core of me where spear-like impatience had sought my deliverance I hear the stone, rolling this is your best (I say that every time - hmmmmm . . . looks as if you a writer after all . . . hehehehe gotcha This IS *jaw dropping* intense . . . xxoo [This message has been edited by littlewing (04-21-2003 05:58 AM).] |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
very impressive employ of imagery, metaphor, vocabulary and phrasing to create this angsty impactful write. Stark and vivid...emotive and expressive. Very well done poet sir. You're the best I've ever felt ... |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Ed, I had my reply all ready early this morning, but whenever I copied and pasted one of the parts I liked best, my computer wanted to freeze up on this page, so I didn't post my reply right then. I just got back to it and you've changed part of it, I think. But, this part still stood out at me ....... ----------------------------------------- The future flows freely through these holes in my hands even as I attempt to grasp it To clasp it close Yet, I still reach ----------------------------------------- This is one of the best writes I have ever read. Have you got your book ready yet? Hugs, Ethel [This message has been edited by garysgirl (04-21-2003 11:24 AM).] |
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1slick_lady Member Ascendant
since 2000-12-22
Posts 6088standing on a shadow's lace |
ed...you are such an amazing writer...your word power with feeling is incredible...i am in awe of you...helen |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Interesting extended metaphor there Wranx... (personally I hope writing is not a passing thing for you - you've got potential and talent...) thanks for the read.. K |
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BluesSerenade Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549By the Seaside |
I don't think anyone goes through life without getting wounded, it's the healing that defines us and makes us whole. Peace wranx~ |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn |
Well, this has been dissected in the "Mystic Muse" forum at Asots. Sheesh and yer welcome! http://groups.msn.com/ArtisticStylingsofTwistedSerenity/themysticmuse.msnw |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Thanks for sharing this wonderful write... regards, sudhir |
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poetSeaMaiden Member
since 2003-04-25
Posts 107 |
Oh wow, this has left me sitting here in awe - this is so amazing, a true craft! There were two different lines that really took me in, but I don't remember them word for word - of course the best is the last line for sure, but I also liked the part about the future slipping through the holes in your hands....wow, is all I can say! 10 stars for this sir, good work! |
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KoKo Senior Member
since 2003-02-15
Posts 995Inside the shadow's shadow |
Oh. My. Gosh. This is so STRONG...I don't know what to say...what will add up to the enormity of this poem. I, also, am in awe. This is going straight into my private library. I wish you would consider this for the book!!!!!! I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man. |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
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SimplyGold Senior Member
since 2002-07-10
Posts 1453 |
Powerful! SG |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
http://groups.msn.com/ArtisticStylingsofTwistedSerenity/themysticmuse.msnw?action=get_message&mview=0&ID_Message=4483&LastModified=4675419274418008187 Try that link to the dissection as this was an incredible write about not only "his" last day but I feel it could be all of mankind Wranx. Enjoyed this so much. |
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majnu
since 2002-10-13
Posts 1088SF Bay Area |
i found this to be quite trite. not like most of your other work which is usually distinctive and orginal. the conceit of the cross bearing is tired in the first place, and your repeated analogies just got redundant and boring. -majnu |
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icebox Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 4383in the shadows |
After deleting what I have wriiten about this (several times) all I will say is thank you. |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn |
Thanks for the insight, friend majnu. There may come a time when I am able to say what I want to say in a manner....more entertaining. In the meantime, this is all I can offer. Perhaps, in another 30 years or so, when life has added a little something to color your perspective, this will seem less trite. Thanks for taking the time to comment. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Ed? In the movie "The Mothman Chronicles" the question was posed, in response to WHY "god" does not make the reasons and being of existance clear-- "Have YOU ever tried to explain YOUR self to a cockroach?" (prolly not an exact quote, but same idea) You did good, m'yeti. |
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