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Open Poetry #26
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Richy
Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 3050


0 posted 2003-06-01 05:55 PM




I wish that I could figure out
who trapped me in this room?
Who felt the need to isolate me?
in this place of gloom?

I guess I’m being punished
I just wish that I knew why?
I’m stuck inside a place where
light and hope are sent to die

I’m standing in a pool of bloody
tears that never rained
The drains are clogged, so here
I sit, in rivers full of pain

I can’t get out because there is
a chain across the door
My only hope are these two windows
on the second floor

The shades were hard to get back up
they didn’t want to budge
I tried to clean the dirty glass
but all it did was smudge

And still as I saw figures walking
by my tainted view
They somehow seemed familiar
like the people I once knew

They always seemed to stop and talk
into these window panes
I couldn’t understand them,
as if I was now insane

I wanted to get out of there
and finally figured out
If someone’s going to hear me
I would have to scream and shout

I’ve wasted too much of my life
trapped in this lonely place
There's too much of my happiness
I’ve shamefully misplaced

I’m going to break down these walls
and finally break through
I’m getting out of here if its,
the last thing that I do

I started pounding with my fists
till they were red and raw
I fell down to my knees, and in
a pool of tears I saw

My own reflection looking back
and yelling in my ears
You’ve never been trapped in a room
Your trapped inside your fears!


© Copyright 2003 Richy - All Rights Reserved
QjQ
Member Elite
since 2003-04-18
Posts 3756
U.S.A.
1 posted 2003-06-01 05:58 PM


very good thoughts and well written,,,

It's the quality of the complement that i feel, not the quanity.

bslicker
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Member Elite
since 2000-12-04
Posts 2321
state of mind
2 posted 2003-06-01 05:59 PM


wow wonderfully wrote and the flow is great!

A smile a day keeps the world in smile's.
Bernie Slicker

Martie
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Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
3 posted 2003-06-01 06:33 PM


Richy...Great message, wonderfully written!  
garysgirl
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Member Laureate
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237
Florida, USA
4 posted 2003-06-01 06:41 PM


My own reflection looking back
and yelling in my ears
You’ve never been trapped in a room
Your trapped inside your fears!


How true, Richey. I enjoyed your poem.

"To be in love with love is truly to love".....by Paladin
~with heart hugs from Ethel__GG~  
                  

Patricia
Member Elite
since 2003-04-06
Posts 2160
Missouri
5 posted 2003-06-01 06:59 PM


Oh Richy,

This is exceptional work!  I was drawn in right away because the words contradict what I know of you through your writings.  I could feel horror on my face as I read the lines.  What happened to that funny comedian, free-spirited Richy, I thought to myself?  Don't get me wrong the writing is wonderful, just unexpected.  But that last stanza...Oh, bud, you drove it home!  So true, so true.  What fear will take from you.

Outstanding!!!!

On another note:
I am not sure if the poem, "A Coming of Age" is a known poetic style.  It was just an arrangment of lines I made up.  I guess the rhyme scheme would go:
A
A
B
C
c
B
I tried to be economical in my words but still get the point across.  The flow seemed to go.  I had read the dog gone thing a dozen times, trying to make sure of the flow and that there were enough words to draw the picture.  I think it worked?  

Try it...it is kind of freeing.  

Patricia

Magnus
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Member Laureate
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA
6 posted 2003-06-01 07:39 PM


Ya gots duh message....ya gots it right!!

Excellent my friend.  Very well said and
hit the point perfectly.  

whiskey
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 1999-12-28
Posts 1278
Australia
7 posted 2003-06-01 09:02 PM


Well written and expressed I could feel the fear in your words. Its amazing what ones mind can do if we let it wander.

Julie

"Dont cry because its over, smile because it happened. "

Richy
Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 3050

8 posted 2003-06-02 02:06 AM




Thanks QjQ, I’m glad you liked it


Hi Bslicker, it’s nice to meet you. Thanks for taking the time to say a kind word

Thanks Martie, coming from you, that means a lot to me!


Thank You Ethel, your thoughtfulness is always very much appreciated!


Hi Patricia, I had wanted to write a poem about feeling trapped inside one’s own depression (not mine... yeah right...lol). And how, the strong power of denial,  prevents, or at least makes it harder to escape from it.

And so, I am trapped inside this room (my mind), and my mouth (chained door) is of no use, because I am unable to say anything that will get me out. The two windows (my eyes) upstairs are blurred by my psychotic disorder. And even when I pry the shades (my eyelids) open, I still can only barely make out my reality. Any way... blah blah blah... lol ...and I finally realize, that no one really put me anywhere, but myself.  And of course that, realizing that, is the key, to the lock...

And to, getting out... and on with my life...

Any who... a little different for me huh?  lol  You know Patricia, I’ve told you before. Sometimes, those who appear the happiest, are actually just trying to cover up, some real, deep down sadness...

I’m glad you liked it!

Thanks as always Patricia!


Yeah Barry, I’m afraid it’s true...

Once in a while, even I, get it!

lol

I’m glad you liked it friend,

Thanks a lot for your nice comments!


Julie, I want to thank you, for commenting on my writing so much recently, it really means a lot to me. Bless You, Your very kind!


quatro
Member
since 2003-04-29
Posts 392
Galveston, Texas
9 posted 2003-06-03 01:45 PM


Richy,

I always enjoy your writing.  It amazes me sometimes.  Keep up the good work.

quatro

Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
10 posted 2003-06-03 02:00 PM


Amazing write Richy!
The last stanza say sit all!
~Smiles & Hugs, Nancy~

~Somewhere in my heart I'm always
dancing with you in the summer rain~

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
11 posted 2003-06-03 02:22 PM


Richy, Richy, Richy! This is true for so many of us--but once those self-limiting walls are knocked down we return to the fresh air in the land of the living.

A great message!--and well penned!

Love & Light,
Linda

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