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Chanson
Senior Member
since 2000-08-19
Posts 1559
Up Creek w/Out Paddle

0 posted 2003-02-16 10:57 AM


Trivial

Cool waters speak French while
pebbles tan to the reality burn.
Her fantasies are frivolous,
composing done-before songs
reeking of mock sighs.

The canopied glow of candles
creeps over his charm and
canticles hail their free reign.
Suffer consequences with no boundaries?
Hear the cadence of gentle beats in
lazy waving--
Easy comes the crest.

Her fingers splay their confession while
winds compose ripples of cheek-warmed highs.
"Mon Cheri" She closes her eyes to the
conjuring, to the compelling Live! Live!
The futility in his voice is unmistaken;
the encompassing illconformity.

"Trivial," he signs
dismissively.


[This message has been edited by Chanson (02-16-2003 11:03 AM).]

© Copyright 2003 Dorene M. Harris - All Rights Reserved
Mistletoe Angel
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Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
1 posted 2003-02-16 02:00 PM




(smiles) Oh Dorene, this is gorgeous, sweet friend, I absolutely love the dialogue, the gorgeous imagery, I could almost feel the whole scene like a Telenovela, with a gentle stroll down the beach in the scene! (kiss on cheek) This is marvelous, sweet friend, yay, you have my vote, yay, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Dorene, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

Chanson
Senior Member
since 2000-08-19
Posts 1559
Up Creek w/Out Paddle
2 posted 2003-02-16 02:11 PM



A great compliment to a poet is when
the reader can put themselves in the
same place, time, or emotion as the
writer.

Thank you, Noah, *s

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
3 posted 2003-02-17 03:51 PM


nothing you ever write is trivial *s
hugs
M

Sunnyone
Member Ascendant
since 2000-07-06
Posts 5334
Staffordshire, England
4 posted 2003-02-17 05:00 PM


tres bon, mon ami....and I agree with nakedthoughts, in that there is nothing trivial here....just beauty in your words!

Accept these small gifts from my gypsy soul, and let the magik happen!  ~~S~~

Chanson
Senior Member
since 2000-08-19
Posts 1559
Up Creek w/Out Paddle
5 posted 2003-02-17 05:30 PM


M-- Wanna bet? *hehe
Thank you for reading! *s
Sunnyone -- Very kind of you! *s

[This message has been edited by Chanson (02-17-2003 05:31 PM).]

Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg
6 posted 2003-02-18 12:53 PM


Now this is just superb.  You've really raised the bar with this post, I have to say... there's so much style about this piece that it compelled me to read as deeply as I could, trying to exactly place your intent.

quote:
Her fantasies are frivolous,
composing done-before songs
reeking of mock sighs.


It's impressive that you can take something such as this... an apologetic letter, and transform it into something so beautiful and heartfelt.  The ending just grips... how painful it must be for two people to realize that there's more to be felt than what they have found.

I wish I could do more than just vote for this.  So I'm adding it to my private library.  Truly fantastic work, I'll have my eye on your future posts.

Parasite


"Faith" means the will to avoid knowing what is true.
~ Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

[This message has been edited by Local Parasite (02-18-2003 12:53 PM).]

bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855

7 posted 2003-02-18 01:01 PM


Chanson,

I would be honored to be in the same book as you are.

Mike

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
8 posted 2003-02-18 01:01 PM


Merci beaucoups pour cette bon piece de literature! Tres magnifique!

Avec l'amour, mon ami,
EA

Chanson
Senior Member
since 2000-08-19
Posts 1559
Up Creek w/Out Paddle
9 posted 2003-02-18 01:53 PM


Local Parasite-- thank you for seeing the
underlying, deeper meaning than the words
convey. My intent was to play it cool, so to speak,
and to edge my words with a scathing sublety.
Thank you so much for
reading and enjoying. *s

bsquirrel-- I am honored by your compliment.
Thank you very much. *s

Earth Angel-- No no...It is me who shoud be and IS
thanking you for your generous reply.
Thank you muchly. *s

When you think you have heard it all,
listen more closely.
~Dorene

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

10 posted 2003-02-18 10:38 PM


Cool waters speak French while
pebbles tan to the reality burn.
Her fantasies are frivolous,
composing done-before songs
reeking of mock sighs.

The canopied glow of candles
creeps over his charm and
canticles hail their free reign.
Suffer consequences with no boundaries?
Hear the cadence of gentle beats in
lazy waving--
Easy comes the crest.
===================================


Absolutely outstanding...such a unique and impressive write. So good to read you again poetess Chanson...putting this in my library.

" ... And think not, that you can direct the course of love ...
if it finds you worthy ...  it then directs your course."

K.Gibran


Chanson
Senior Member
since 2000-08-19
Posts 1559
Up Creek w/Out Paddle
11 posted 2003-02-18 11:27 PM


Janet, a big and humble thank you to you.
I am tickled you enjoyed it! *s

When you think you have heard it all,
listen more closely.
~Dorene

christian
Member
since 2002-12-18
Posts 331

12 posted 2003-02-19 01:35 AM



wow! this is the first poem ive read from
you [can't blame me, i'm usually too busy
to read poems .. but when i can, i do]
but this is simply amazing. the way you
toy with your words and mix and match them.
definitely worthy of the anthology.

it better make it in there. if not, then
we'll go on strike, me and you.

Chanson
Senior Member
since 2000-08-19
Posts 1559
Up Creek w/Out Paddle
13 posted 2003-02-19 10:00 AM


Christian, I can relate to not having time
to read the poems. I'm in the same boat.
I do appreciate you paying my poem and
visit. Thank you very much! *s

When you think you have heard it all,
listen more closely.
~Dorene

Lighthousebob
Member Elite
since 2000-06-14
Posts 4725
California
14 posted 2003-02-19 06:38 PM


Very passionate love making, I so imagined, with an illusive twist at the end that left me questioning the fortitude of such deceit. I love the nonchalance displayed here in your ending. Very well written poetry.

-Bob

Justbleu
Member Elite
since 1999-08-31
Posts 3329
Oregon, Originally From Alaska :)
15 posted 2003-02-19 06:57 PM


This brought me up, then took me crashing down at the end with a big THUD!!! My vote is in....

Bridgette

ellie LeJeune
Member Elite
since 2000-01-10
Posts 4156
King of Prussia, PA USA
16 posted 2003-02-19 07:05 PM


A love poem so very beautiful and soo unique! The ending was a sad shock...you are masterful here! Ellie

A friend hears the song in my heart, and sings it to me when my memory fails.

Chanson
Senior Member
since 2000-08-19
Posts 1559
Up Creek w/Out Paddle
17 posted 2003-02-19 07:09 PM


Lighthousebob-- Justbleu-- Ellie--

Three big warm thank you-s!
I am very happy you enjoyed
this piece! Thank you also
for your kind thoughts. *s

catalinamoon
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543
The Shores of Alone
18 posted 2003-02-19 08:34 PM


This is very good, beautifully worded, and very easy to envision.
Sandra

Chanson
Senior Member
since 2000-08-19
Posts 1559
Up Creek w/Out Paddle
19 posted 2003-02-19 09:31 PM


Thank you, Sandra. I'm glad you
enjoyed it. *s

Duncan
Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455

20 posted 2003-02-20 11:14 PM


'The futility in his voice is unmistaken;
the encompassing illconformity.

"Trivial," he signs
dismissively.'

Great poetry...you should post more often.

Chanson
Senior Member
since 2000-08-19
Posts 1559
Up Creek w/Out Paddle
21 posted 2003-02-21 12:12 PM


Dncan, Thank you! I am
pleased you like it.

I don't have the time to
write more often...or, more
honestly, I just don't
make the time. Busy, busy,
you know? *s

Thanks again for visiting my
poem!

When you think you have heard it all,
listen more closely.
~Dorene

Mysteria
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since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada
22 posted 2003-02-21 03:11 PM


I am so sorry to say I missed your work before but I won't again - excellent submission.

          
~* Carpe' Diem *~  

Chanson
Senior Member
since 2000-08-19
Posts 1559
Up Creek w/Out Paddle
23 posted 2003-02-21 03:21 PM


Thanks sincerely for your
visit, Mysteria. *s

SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
24 posted 2003-02-21 09:57 PM


this feels so sad...will definately read this one again....
Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
25 posted 2003-02-21 10:37 PM


Oh Excellent!
Gets my vote!
~Hugs~

~ Trace my body with your words..
And in doing so, you touch my heart. ~

Chanson
Senior Member
since 2000-08-19
Posts 1559
Up Creek w/Out Paddle
26 posted 2003-02-21 10:42 PM


Sea, giving it a second read
is a compliment. Thank you
humbly.

Enchantress, I thank you kindly
for the visit and the vote.

*s

When you think you have heard it all,
listen more closely.
~Dorene

kayjay
Member Elite
since 2002-06-24
Posts 2015
Oregon
27 posted 2003-02-23 01:11 AM


I have not read your work either, but I found in it a woman feeling so deeply for a man who does not..or cannot respond in kind.  Very bittersweet.  Ken

Through rubble and trouble and dark of night
The yawn of a dawn will hasten the light

Charisma
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Member Ascendant
since 2000-09-30
Posts 5906
lost in blue pages
28 posted 2003-02-23 05:38 AM


Enjoyed the read a lot

Charisma

Chanson
Senior Member
since 2000-08-19
Posts 1559
Up Creek w/Out Paddle
29 posted 2003-02-23 08:01 AM


Ken--
You understand it spot on.
Thank you kindly for
reading. *s

Charisma--
I am pleased with
your visit.
Thank you muchly. *s

When you think you have heard it all,
listen more closely.
~Dorene

LngJhnAg
Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion
30 posted 2003-02-23 03:00 PM


That's beautiful.  It says so much.
Chanson
Senior Member
since 2000-08-19
Posts 1559
Up Creek w/Out Paddle
31 posted 2003-02-23 03:13 PM


Thanks so much, LngJhnAg.
I'm pleased you stopped in with
your kinds thoughts! *s

When you think you have heard it all,
listen more closely.
~Dorene

Magnus
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA
32 posted 2003-02-23 04:34 PM


You have masterfully composed a poem of
love and it's trials....but with a bitter
ending....The title captures it well...

Nicely done,  love the name...

Chanson
Senior Member
since 2000-08-19
Posts 1559
Up Creek w/Out Paddle
33 posted 2003-02-23 04:39 PM


Magnus, thank you
very much for your
kind words. *s

When you think you have heard it all,
listen more closely.
~Dorene

Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

34 posted 2003-02-23 07:11 PM


It's always a pleasure to read you, Dorene. Beautifully done!
Chanson
Senior Member
since 2000-08-19
Posts 1559
Up Creek w/Out Paddle
35 posted 2003-02-23 07:16 PM


Denise, from one PA'er to another,
thanks so much for reading and
commenting. *s

When you think you have heard it all,
listen more closely.
~Dorene

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA
36 posted 2003-02-24 11:01 AM


This is the first I've read of yours, but not to be the last. You write beautiful free verse
Chanson
Senior Member
since 2000-08-19
Posts 1559
Up Creek w/Out Paddle
37 posted 2003-02-24 11:48 AM


hoot_owl_rn, thank you very much
for reading! *s

When you think you have heard it all,
listen more closely.
~Dorene

Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
38 posted 2003-02-25 07:54 AM


Very lovely visages you portray amidst a sagacious message to triviality...
Chanson
Senior Member
since 2000-08-19
Posts 1559
Up Creek w/Out Paddle
39 posted 2003-02-25 08:43 AM


Thanks Nan.
You have me checking the
dictionary this morning. *grin
Thanks for enjoying. *s

When you think you have heard it all,
listen more closely.
~Dorene

garysgirl
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Member Laureate
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237
Florida, USA
40 posted 2003-02-25 10:58 AM


I can't remember ever reading your poetry before, eiher. This is so beautifully written. I hope you'll be able to post more often. this is really wonderful reading...
.
.
Hugs,
Ethel

Chanson
Senior Member
since 2000-08-19
Posts 1559
Up Creek w/Out Paddle
41 posted 2003-02-25 11:07 AM


Hello Ethel,
I don't write often,
maybe a poem a month.
Thanks muchly for visiting
and reading! *s

When you think you have heard it all,
listen more closely.
~Dorene

Munda
Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544
The Hague, The Netherlands
42 posted 2003-02-26 04:53 PM


Excellent poem.
Chanson
Senior Member
since 2000-08-19
Posts 1559
Up Creek w/Out Paddle
43 posted 2003-02-26 04:57 PM


Munda, hello and thank you
for reading! *s

When you think you have heard it all,
listen more closely.
~Dorene

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
44 posted 2003-02-27 04:04 AM


Ahhh... this is such an enjoyable read... particularly liked:
"Hear the cadence of gentle beats in
lazy waving--
Easy comes the crest"

wonderful poetry... most definitely deserves a place in the book...

regards,
sudhir

Chanson
Senior Member
since 2000-08-19
Posts 1559
Up Creek w/Out Paddle
45 posted 2003-02-27 08:36 AM


Tipping the proverbial hat
in many thanks, Sudhir. *s

jjote
Senior Member
since 2002-12-25
Posts 1088
Ontario, Canada
46 posted 2003-02-28 10:36 PM


Deeply moving. my vote is cast.
WhiteRose
Member Elite
since 2002-07-23
Posts 3208
somebody's dungeon
47 posted 2003-02-28 11:33 PM


This is a stunning write.
CSKpoet
Senior Member
since 2002-07-12
Posts 845
Island in Paradise
48 posted 2003-03-01 06:23 AM


A very very talented submission! You have my vote
smiles, Cher

Poetry is:
Passion, imagination and intellect running together.

Aloha with warmest regards, Cheryl Stewart Koomoa

Chanson
Senior Member
since 2000-08-19
Posts 1559
Up Creek w/Out Paddle
49 posted 2003-03-01 07:49 AM


jjote-- I'm pleased you were moved. Thank you!

WhiteRose-- Thanks bunches! I'm happy you enjoyed.

Cher-- Smiling back at you. Much thanks!

Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
50 posted 2003-03-01 10:34 PM


I certainly agree that you have the power to mesmerize with your style..this is excellent writing..and, as a bonus, it taught me a new word - canticle.
Chanson
Senior Member
since 2000-08-19
Posts 1559
Up Creek w/Out Paddle
51 posted 2003-03-01 11:31 PM


Ahh, many thanks, Balladeer.
I'm pleased you visited and
enjoyed.

(I'm into music, mainly piano,
and so I like to write "musically"
now and then. *s)

When you think you have heard it all,
listen more closely.
~Dorene

suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
52 posted 2003-03-11 03:52 PM


I would have sworn I'd responded to this... I know I meant to! *S* Excellent write! *S*
Chanson
Senior Member
since 2000-08-19
Posts 1559
Up Creek w/Out Paddle
53 posted 2003-03-11 04:06 PM


Suthern, I welcome your visit very much!
Thank you muchly... *s

When you think you have heard it all,
listen more closely.
~Dorene

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