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When voices and the pen do dance
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When voices and the pen do dance |
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Rick Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 2903Victoria, Australia 
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We sit to flirt with thoughts that come and fill our pounding head Little thoughts that fill each line, the words of bliss and dread Our sin to just write nothing, to entrap the mind to scream To share not with some paper and show others what we mean A poet finds in writing the release of stress within A sweetness filled with beauty and a gift that’s free to win The truth of soul to paper, the Hide who needs to show A strength unto their inner self, that many would not know So many thoughts are speaking, no use if I ignore This voice, that voice so often comes, as many times before To lighten their frustrations I do scribe a line for each To slowly ease the burden and the call of their beseech It comes but once it’s ready, its tempo lives on change When time the writing suffers; inspiration times are strange But then its moment carries more than vessel filled with lead When voices and the words do rhyme, to dance within my head Then world becomes more peaceful, than my moments just before I play amongst the feel of joy and pleasure that I saw I close my eyes to dreaming of what yet is still to be When voices and the pen do dance and all their words I see |
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| © Copyright 2003 Rick Van Weenen - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
The final release of words onto paper is comparable to another release I can think of---wellll, almost! tehe I identified with, and very much enjoyed, your well-expressed thoughts in this fine poem!  Warm hugs, Linda |
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Rick Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 2903Victoria, Australia |
Hi Linda, nice to see your comment, it is almost midnight here, about to log off, thanks for the reply, it is very much appreciated, nice to have some sort of release isn't it. Sincerely Rick |
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Irie Senior Member
since 1999-12-01
Posts 1493Washington State |
Hi Rick, You have done a fine job in expressing the emotions of writing poetry. And might I add ..... what better poem, for a book of poems? You've got my vote! ~Sheri |
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Rick Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 2903Victoria, Australia |
Irie, thank you for the comment, it is heart felt and much appreciated. Also thank you for the vote. Sincerely Rick |
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Joyce Johnson
since 2001-03-10
Posts 9912Washington State |
Your words certainly do dance . This is a wonderful depiction of the art and travails of writing. Joyce |
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Rick Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 2903Victoria, Australia |
Hi Joyce, nice to see your name and reply once again, thanks for the comment, as always much appreciated. Sincerely Rick |
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SPIRIT Senior Member
since 2002-12-29
Posts 1745California Desert |
Everything you write appears to be very vote worthy ao I happily voted on this one. |
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Rick Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 2903Victoria, Australia |
SPIRIT, again I am happy to be worthy of your vote, it means so much to me, so again thank you. Sincerely Rick |
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Justbleu Member Elite
since 1999-08-31
Posts 3329Oregon, Originally From Alaska :) |
A tribute to poetry....lovely!!!! Bridgette  "Somewhere, somehow, it should be possible to touch someone and never let go again. To hold someone, not for a moment but forever." Unknown |
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El_Campeador Senior Member
since 2003-01-29
Posts 761Ohio, USA |
I love to see a dancing pen, because they are so good at leaving marks on our hearts. Keep your pen dancing... ~El Campeador “We are all travelers in the wilderness of this world, and the best that we can find in our travels is an honest friend.” –Robert Louis Stevenson |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
beautiful! |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Thank you, for writing us... "click" Karilea - if I whisper, will you listen? |
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Rick Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 2903Victoria, Australia |
Bridgette, thank you for your wonderful comment, it is truly heart felt. El_Campeador, lovely to read your comment, I shall continue to let my pen dance, thanks for the reply. passing shadows, one word tells me so much, thanks for the reply, much appreciated. Sunshine, thank you for the reply, we poets all are as one, the me, the we the us. To you all, thank you so much for your comments. Sincerely Rick |
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Paragon Member
since 2003-02-16
Posts 114 |
Well Rick, it seems you have a knack for writing and I for one say that this is one of your better poems. One of the things I really like is how you keep the rhythm going without making it sound forced at any point in the poem. Something ,I, myself struggle with at times however it seems to come naturally to you. Good poem and you have my vote. Steven |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Another cool poem about writing and the creative process. It's always fun, and at the same time really challenging to write an autobiographical poem of this nature. You have done a good job, though your wording is somewhat awkward at times. For some suggestions, try to avoid the split infinitives. A split infinitive sounds the way a runner must feel when he JUUUSSST hits the hurdle, barely clearing it. It makes the accomplishment of the jump, and in this case the verb, less meaningful that a full clearance of that all-important hurdle. Sorry for the rambling, lol. Finally, some of your wording, like "its moment carries more than vessel filled with lead" seems a little inappropriate. We usually attribute lead to sinking. I assume you're trying to indicate that the moment is extremely meaningful and inspirational, carrying a great amount of ... something. But that something, I hope, is not easily compared to lead. Anyhow, sorry for my ramblings. I am glad you are enthusiastic about the writing process. You are able to explore something that I, at any rate, find very difficult to put to paper. That is very cool! 2+2=5 for sufficiently large values of 2 |
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Rick Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 2903Victoria, Australia |
Steven, thanks for the vote, it is much appreciated, somehow the rhythm seems to come without me even thinking of it, I am glad that it does, but unsure how it does. Your comments are heart felt, again thank you. fractal007, thanks for your ramblings, always nice to get someone’s point of view. I appreciate your comments, but my view on lead is as the saying "as heavy as lead" always comes to mind, I know that there is lead in sinkers of the fisherman, but to me I have never associated lead with sinking, maybe I just don't get out enough. In the line "But then its moment carries more than vessel filled with lead"; to me the moment holds more than any imaginable weight that a ship might carry; ones mind can only contort then the variants, and put them into the prospectives of joy and happiness. I am now starting to ramble, sorry for that, thanks for the reply, the comments and critique, always heart felt and appreciated. Sincerely Rick |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Well Rick, now that you too have rambled I see an interesting issue to think about with this piece. I think I will give it a vote so that others who don't normally cruise this site can check it out in the book. Perhaps I'll also add it to my library and see what I can do with my mind - what sorts of shapes I can make out of it, bending it round this piece.  2+2=5 for sufficiently large values of 2 |
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Rick Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 2903Victoria, Australia |
fractal007, I have enjoyed the rambling very much, thank you for the vote, different thoughts make for different works, they work for some and not for others, glad you replied again, till next time, take care. Sincerely Rick |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
I love this, Rick, and I can surely relate! Very rythmic! [This message has been edited by Denise (04-21-2003 12:08 AM).] |
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Rick Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 2903Victoria, Australia |
Denise, again thank you for your reply, heart felt and appreciated. Sincerely Rick |
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QjQ Member Elite
since 2003-04-18
Posts 3756U.S.A. |
yes yes another great write from rick!!! |
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Magicmystery Senior Member
since 2002-02-13
Posts 821Windsor, Ontario, Canada |
I'm even up at 3 in the morning, Writing down my dreams... My pen never stops it seems. I hear these voices inside my mind With words deeper than the dark, Urging me to write it all. And tearing me apart. The silent roarings in the twilight, Lift my pen and call to me It makes no difference, sleep or waking, Floating on that stormy sea. Count the stars above, my flight, I look away as crystal they fall, I am compelled to be their vessel, Restless till I fulfill their call. I completely understand.... voting for this...might just go post this somewhere now... imspired me to rework "the Poet" here.... Sherry Cherish the good memories of the past and look forward to the adventure called Tomorrow. But above all... be kind to yourself today. |
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Andrew Scott Member Elite
since 1999-06-24
Posts 2558Redlands,CA,USA |
An enjoyable read. I bow to you and yours with vote in hand. |
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Rick Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 2903Victoria, Australia |
QjQ, yet another great comment from you, thank you once again. Sherry, you truly know the feeling, really it is wonderful, if the voices stopped and the the pen forgot to write, where would we be? I loved your poem and reply, thank you for sharing. Andrew, thank you so much for your reply, it means a lot to me and is much appreciated. Thank you to you all. Sincerely Rick |
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