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Snowman
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Snowman |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg 
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Do not deny that snow exists, Each time it melts by summer's fray That all are lifted, flown away Will never turn, the sun insists That all to upward tone persists And all to sky will stay. We capture it, our mittens freeze A molded-water-winter-clay It is the colder form we play That we could, winter wonder, sieze Our pack'd contraptions, all to please And all the land to stay. It is an error to describe The night in stars that drop and plummet That downward spin their earthly summit Our senses to inhale/imbibe We imitate, but faint become it O, our earthly tribe. But we can spin with confidence Between our toes and fingers wrapt To see those features vainly trapt It circumvents our common sense Our forces bent, our sources tapt To nature's thin offense. From eye to nose He's full composed Be righteous, thou abomination Brag the jewels upon thy belt That we, thy careful longings, felt And stretch thy limbs in contemplation Soon, that shine will boil the nation Soon, thy form will melt. And we, whose hands bore carpentry Will gather in a framed array Regard thy timely skin decay Those eyes were never true to see That we, in our debauchery Compell'd thy form away. But up-away the harshing sun With all our mittens clench'd to fists Each child, in tears, resents/resists The death of our enlighten'd one The truth is gone, the fact is done Be sure that snow exists. [This message has been edited by Local Parasite (02-14-2003 10:35 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
Brian, this poem was amazing.....i think perhaps it is one of the great poems you've written(even though i like them all/....) anyways...imagery and words and etc was very well chosen... Ina "heaven truley knows that thou art false as hell...one that loved not wisely,but too well..she swore..'twas a strange ,'twas passing strange"-othello |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
I've read and commented on this before, I just want to give it my vote!!  Peace I leave with you, My peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you.--Jesus Christ |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
LP I really enjoyed the way your rhyme flows here, and the elocution withal. Well written indeed. Essorant. [This message has been edited by Essorant (02-14-2003 10:23 PM).] |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
LP Just one wordpeck. Should "them" in the second stance be "it" (snow) ?? [This message has been edited by Essorant (02-15-2003 02:18 AM).] |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
Thanks! Somehow I missed that. I think I was using "them" to refer to snowflakes as opposed to the collective noun "snow." Didn't catch that despite the fact that I've revised this a few times. I agree "it" sounds more appropriate, as I more commonly refer to snow as "it" in the rest of the poem. |
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Miah Senior Member
since 2002-08-26
Posts 1062Pennsylvania |
You got my vote! wonderful write! |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
BRAVO!!! I really love the advice that you were given here, this is a marvelous write deserving of recognition, and I feel even when there is no snow, the hoarfrost is always there like some premonition of such a familiar chill! (big hugggsssssss) I absolutely love this, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Brian, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
I haven't read much of you in the past...but I will be looking now! great write! very deep |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
I haven't read much of your work, either, but this one is very good. I've never read one quite like this about a snowman....very good!!!!   "Love makes the world go around" ~~with love and hugs from Ethel~~ [This message has been edited by garysgirl (02-17-2003 07:55 PM).] |
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Magicmystery Senior Member
since 2002-02-13
Posts 821Windsor, Ontario, Canada |
YEOW!!!! A SNOWMAN!!!!! From head to toe you detailed his doing and undoing. I stand in awe of your brilliance here!!! Of course, being from Winnipeg, you are quite intimate with the topic..... To me it is just another four-letter-word. Damn I love a good poem!!! This one was incredible. You have my vote and moreso, I am tucking this one into my library for later enjoyment. Hating winter but loving this post Sherry Cherish the good memories of the past and look forward to the adventure called Tomorrow. But above all... be kind to yourself today. |
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PoetryIsLife
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763...in my boxers... |
We've been talking about this poem and our crafts for, what, fifteen minutes now? You know I love the poem, and what it means, and what that in fact is hiding even deeper, thou woodwork and metal connections. Keep it up, and this most definetly should be in the book. Take off, ya hoser. Take off. ~Titus Es ist gut, daß das Leben die Toten studieren sollte. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Whenever I see one of your posts, I KNOW it's a sure bet. smile, it's like being able to tell a waiter "keep the menu"--I want this. Par excellence, every time. |
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Jason Lyle Senior Member
since 2003-02-07
Posts 1438With my darkling |
very well written.I enjoyed this very much. [This message has been edited by Jason Lyle (02-15-2003 08:13 PM).] |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
This is terrific and has my vote! I don't believe I've read much of your work LP; but I will do now  |
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ellie LeJeune Member Elite
since 2000-01-10
Posts 4156King of Prussia, PA USA |
Definitely my vote...You write as eloquently as the masters of old...Ellie A friend hears the song in my heart, and sings it to me when my memory fails. |
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GOlDsparklESS Member
since 2001-12-13
Posts 428central nj |
ugh snow. there's about 5 ft of it here in jersey. nonetheless this is skillfully done |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
Excellent, as always, Brian. I enjoyed this very much. ~Vicky "...until you have read the verse on his heart, |
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angsana Member
since 2002-11-11
Posts 77 |
A beautifully rhymed piece of work! angsana |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Beautiful composition here, LP ... from rythmic cadence to artful phrasing. An excellent submission for the book, indeed! Best wishes, /Kit |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
With two feet of it to shovel here, I've gotta believe that it does indeed exist... Nice poem, LP |
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Charisma
since 2000-09-30
Posts 5906lost in blue pages |
Bravo....... Clapping |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
A truly wonderful read, thanks for sharing |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Yep. |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
I am sure by all the enthusiastic replies and the endorcements, by way of votes, that you have received, you must realize that you have a winner with this write! It's brill! Add me to the list of goo-goo, gaw-gawers! Warm hugs, EA |
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Connel
since 2002-11-04
Posts 736Florida, USA |
Enjoyed your beautiful words!  Anyone can write, But only poets can capture the heart. |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Wonderful!  |
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Moonlight Romeo
since 2001-09-10
Posts 982The heart of you |
Superbly done. A wonderful flow, and a unique scheme as well. A joy to read. Thank you. What light through yon window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun. |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
A poem of reflection and refraction. Cool stuff. |
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Andrew Scott Member Elite
since 1999-06-24
Posts 2558Redlands,CA,USA |
I live in the So California valley area. I've lived here all my life. I always thought snow was something the newscasters made up to make us all feel better about smog. After reading this piece, I believe snow exists. With a great BIG tick I cast my vote. |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
YES!!! regards, sudhir |
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Chanson Senior Member
since 2000-08-19
Posts 1559Up Creek w/Out Paddle |
This has a Poe feel, even Frost, and each line flowed into the next yet many could stand on their own. Quite impressive, actually. Keep up the good work, LP. |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Applauding quite loudly here. Bravo!!! This is what poetry should be!!! The vote is in |
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Chanson Senior Member
since 2000-08-19
Posts 1559Up Creek w/Out Paddle |
Just deleting my double post. Sorry! [This message has been edited by Chanson (02-18-2003 04:21 PM).] |
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catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
HI Brian, this is wonderful, imagery is flawless. I thought I was SICK of snow till I read this. Sandra |
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Lighthousebob Member Elite
since 2000-06-14
Posts 4725California |
I liked your poem. I liked that it was written for the most part in iambic tetrameter and trimeter (the last line of each stanza) with little interludes here and there to break up the monotony I think my favorite scene was the kids with there mittens clenched in fists of outrage raised toward the sun as I envision it when their snowman melts... But it was all good and certainly gets my vote of approval.-Bob |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
'ello neigbouring virus  i liked this poem, but yanno what? i'd like to see Helium Balloon within the hard covers of a book. i was lost in the middle of this poem (thankyou, brian, for making me feel like i had the I.Q of a carrot), but loved the begining and ending. still, it's a great poem. bye foreign host Congratulations! It's a bisexual! |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Loved this and how much like life is this snowman? Great entry. |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
This poem and its author have all that merit I think this book wants. Bravo on a good poem, and here's to poetry. *cheers*~Carly empty-armed and half a soul to go -el sol --Zwan [This message has been edited by Child of the Stars (02-18-2003 11:01 PM).] |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Do not deny that snow exists, Each time it melts by summer's fray That all are lifted, flown away Will never turn, the sun insists That all to upward tone persists And all to sky will stay. We capture it, our mittens freeze A molded-water-winter-clay It is the colder form we play That we could, winter wonder, sieze Our pack'd contraptions, all to please And all the land to stay. It is an error to describe The night in stars that drop and plummet That downward spin their earthly summit Our senses to inhale/imbibe We imitate, but faint become it O, our earthly tribe. But we can spin with confidence Between our toes and fingers wrapt To see those features vainly trapt It circumvents our common sense Our forces bent, our sources tapt To nature's thin offense. ======================================= The first verse alone is worth its weight in poetic gold... what can I say that I havent said so many times before... YOU ARE POETRY... Ya just kissed ole Frosty with cadence and made him the coolest snowman bar none. YOU ROCK and it rolls me.  " ... And think not, that you can direct the course of love ... |
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CocoBaci Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 3043 |
Fantastic writing... Enjoyed the read... Smiles2uPoetFriend... *~coco~* |
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Nicole Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835Florida |
There isn't much else I can say that hasn't already been said. I always enjoy your writing, this one has my vote. |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
I'll be back to study this one more later. Very well crafted and naturally rhymed. Very nice work. Jim |
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Justbleu Member Elite
since 1999-08-31
Posts 3329Oregon, Originally From Alaska :) |
I LOVE SNOWMEN....this is a brilliant write!!! LOVED THIS!!!!! |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Your critical write got my praise the last time and it gets it again this time, plus a vote. I definitely think this belongs in the book. "If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh" |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Living in the deep south, I sometimes suspected it was merely a myth... but now, I believe. *S* Excellent work! |
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SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
I think this is the best poem about a snow man I have ever, ever read... |
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aries_luv_ppl Senior Member
since 2001-09-20
Posts 1448Universal Mind |
Can't believe I missed out this one! Now I read and like! ~Every girl has a dream within. |
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Joyce Johnson
since 2001-03-10
Posts 9912Washington State |
I'll be glad to find this in the book, so I can savor. Joyce |
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
Local Parasite - my vote for this write for sure... BC |
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AnonomousHippie Junior Member
since 2003-02-21
Posts 10 |
Parasite, awesome one. Definitely voting.. |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
Be righteous, thou abomination Brag the jewels upon thy belt That we, thy careful longings, felt And stretch thy limbs in contemplation Soon, that shine will boil the nation Soon, thy form will melt. a wonderful read..have we had enough of snow yet....I think so! M |
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AnonomousHippie Junior Member
since 2003-02-21
Posts 10 |
wonderful... wonderful. |
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Auguste
since 2000-02-16
Posts 3953By the sea |
Incredible! |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
An excellent piece of writing, LP. You chose an excellent and difficult rhyme scheme (a-b-b-a-a-b) which added great impact to the words, with the exception of the fourth stanza, where you switch to a-b-b-a-b-a. Believe me, this is not a criticism. The writing is brilliant, remindful of a time when poems were well-crafted creations of poetic excellence. A simple topic and yet you breathed life into it with your cleverness. I would place this as the poem to go on the first page of the book... |
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Angel Senior Member
since 1999-07-02
Posts 551Pennsylvania |
Wow. |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
wow.. if I didn't believe it before.. I'm sure convinced now! this is excellent. Here's my vote. Always, Alyssa - And so it was that time stood still - |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
enjoyed |
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DawnG
since 2000-06-23
Posts 1494United States |
It snowed today, but I'm glad it did not stick. I'm ready for spring. Dawn |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
You little smart ass.  You've got a vote but don't think I wouldn't eat your brains if I had the chance. Haha...now in all seriousness, pretty bloody well written, Brian. The visual stimulation is out of this world and your wording really does the overall theme of the piece justice. You're talented, I never disputed that. ~AF~ "Write something, even if it's just a suicide note." -- Gore Vidal |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Just boosting ya back up here LP...great poem again |
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SPIRIT Senior Member
since 2002-12-29
Posts 1745California Desert |
WoW! WoW! |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
ok . . . why is this one still with an open book icon?? this is amazing. . . it's so good to read your work again my friend. . . true poetry. . . well done! ----------------------------------------------------------- To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
I don't know how I missed this one, but I definitely love it and think that it should be in the book! Great job, Brian. |
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Khryannalin Junior Member
since 2003-03-23
Posts 10Winnipeg, MB, Canada |
Brian, you told me you only wrote a couple of poems. So yes, this is my reply to you, and that poem was exactly the kinds of things I can't express. It was amazing, to say the least. Katherine |
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