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Saxoness

Senior Member

since 1999-07-18

Posts 1102
Texas

0 posted 2002-12-28 06:04 PM

Love is so often drawn in red; blood to touch,
blood to taste, blood to pour, blood
that will dry up the heart if it is continuously stirred.
You stir me, too often.
My feelings for you will never coagulate,
I’m thinning out in all of the wrong places.

I’m digging my fingers into the sky.
Find me a place in the center of heaven,
I would now like my skin to be painted with gold.
I want to breathe in bliss for awhile.
Let the sun shine down upon me,
let God wrap me in rivers of true love.

You’ve become salty in my mind,
liquid and loose, and drying my words
with your nonchalant honesty.
I’ve tasted you on my tongue,
I’ve tasted you in my heart,
and sometimes your bitterness burns my eyes.

I’m bottom barreled outwards,
suffocating on last-in-line complacency.
How can you touch me and not be humbled?
I exist in a tear soaked corner, you’ve put me there
while you rove around for the next in line.
Touch me again and forever cry for losing innocence.

I can hear the Angels voices,
they sing me to sleep when I’m alone,
but always in my dreams you are there,
and in my dreams you love me.
I dream that you will see me before its too late.
I wake up and cry again, for untrue conjuring.

When I see you next, I’ll keep my eyes closed.
There are things in me that must be hidden-
I can’t give you my soul, if you will just give it back.
I will become planted in the earth,
a reed in the wind to escape the fate of man.
I paint myself special, and I peel with falsity.

Dear Lord, carry me to your side, for trust
is breaking my heart again but I will not
walk away. I will hold him and I will cry,
so carry my heart in your hands when I bleed,
and pick up the pieces when I fall.
Only you can see the truth of my soul
and love me.

"Glory remains unaware of my neglected dwelling where alone
I sing my tearful song which has charms only for me."

[This message has been edited by Saxoness (12-28-2002 07:36 PM).]

ThisDiamond
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-02-22

Posts 9353
Michigan, USA

1 posted 2002-12-28 07:45 PM

Deep and intesive...this piece of heart so emotive. Strong write. Thank you. ThisDiamond

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

2 posted 2002-12-29 02:46 AM

hmmmm, well, very emotional and powerful write...blood is not a good image right now for me though...

Severn
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-07-17

Posts 7704

3 posted 2002-12-29 05:12 AM

It's a saxoness poem..hey girl

Positive feedback - as I was reading this I said to myself 'so much feeling' and that's always a good thought from me...this is strong, but not overdone...it's emotional without sentimentality...nice balance...

constructive feedback - I'd look at your format if I were you, make it less regimented perhaps..it's all spaced out in tight little stanza's, maybe you could loosen that up a bit, spread the size of the stanza's out...experiment.

Nice to see your words again hon..

K

[This message has been edited by Severn (12-29-2002 05:12 AM).]

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

4 posted 2002-12-29 12:43 PM

I have no constructive feed back, since I'm not qualified.
But, I do like this poem, though it's very sad to me. I felt lots of different emotions from it.

"Love makes the world go around"
~~with love and hugs from Ethel~~

neveah5
Member

since 2002-11-22

Posts 197
Ohio

5 posted 2002-12-29 02:20 PM

That was a very powerful ending. sad though, it really got to me!

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