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Open Poetry #24
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1slick_lady
Member Ascendant
since 2000-12-22
Posts 6088
standing on a shadow's lace

0 posted 2003-02-13 06:35 AM


One Breath

winds blow
my whispers
can you
hear them
kissing windows
I am
but one
breath away
from you


"It is like looking for a blizzard in a glass snowball. Unless you shake it up not one flake will fly."


© Copyright 2003 Helen Chambers - All Rights Reserved
Ericc
Member Elite
since 2003-01-31
Posts 4178

1 posted 2003-02-13 08:26 AM


Wow...this is so beautiful!
Eric

winston
Member
since 2002-12-19
Posts 204
NW of Eden
2 posted 2003-02-13 09:04 AM


I like the unique rhyme scheme of A B C D E D F G C, and, also, how each line contains, sequentially, 2 3 2 3 4 2 2 3 2 syllables. It's like a mathematical pattern of sort that reminded me of the Fibonacci series.
Thanks.

It's amazing I won. I was running against peace, prosperity, & incumbency.
--G. "DUBYA" BUSH. June 14, 2001. Unaware of rolling TV camera.

Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
3 posted 2003-02-13 01:40 PM


Beauty concentrated!
Margherita

Brad Majors
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-04-03
Posts 2647
Georgia
4 posted 2003-02-13 01:55 PM


Very nicely done!
Robert Frazier
Senior Member
since 2003-02-06
Posts 1014

5 posted 2003-02-13 02:00 PM


You write such beautiful, passionate poems that I rarely even consider the form.  Well done, on both counts!

Rf    

GG
Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532
Lost in thought
6 posted 2003-02-13 04:26 PM


this is beautiful. Made me, evne a this cold day, open my window to feel the wind on my face ...thank you

Always, Alyssa

- And so it was that time stood still -
     (blink, breathe, stand, fight)

garysgirl
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237
Florida, USA
7 posted 2003-02-13 04:42 PM


Very beautiful, Helen. I enjoyed...

"Love makes the world go around"
~~with love and hugs from Ethel~~  
                  

Krawdad
Member Elite
since 2001-01-03
Posts 2597

8 posted 2003-02-14 12:37 PM


mmmmmmm
Sweet Valentine kisses . . .

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
9 posted 2003-02-14 02:39 AM


wow...uh....I just don't really know any word that could do justice
vlraynes
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...
10 posted 2003-02-14 05:22 AM



Simplistic, yet beautiful.
Nicely done, Helen.
~Vicky

"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

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