»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #24
»
-untangled-
| Open Poetry #24 |
|
-untangled- |
|
|
GOlDsparklESS Member
since 2001-12-13
Posts 428central nj |
The shoreless sea of meaning fades into sorrow: The endless searching from place to place for one promise, the past’s widening rift traversed to keep from falling into its depth’s despair, old gray ghosts haunting hollow dreams… Wind’s gusty Hope caress abandoned relics of crimson pain, barely soothing the jutting defiance of what remains. The past refuses to be hushed by current politics; A part of me screams every time I deny that pain’s existence. Moon’s illume peeks from over a looming cloud- Another shining dream, Another new day breaking away from blind oblivion, Love to be, a love I cannot see what’s come has gone, what’s done is undone, A blue untruth fades. Fades into flames. |
||
| © Copyright 2003 Manisha Narang - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Peter J Marcroft Member
since 2003-02-02
Posts 265York, England |
A nice dark piece with a good emphasis on the theme of time. I think this is a nice poem, my only concern is certain lines appear like they upset the rhythm, however, on the whole this is good work |
||
|
GOlDsparklESS Member
since 2001-12-13
Posts 428central nj |
Peter, This poem was written carefully, but ( as usual), quickly. I intend to revise this very personal* poem ... Thank you for considering it "good". It was kind of inspired by Bad Religion's, " the fallacy of epiphany" and a conversation. oh yah, and "caress" should be "caresses" well i'm not going to fix it so HAH [This message has been edited by GOlDsparklESS (02-09-2003 09:26 PM).] |
||
|
passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
yes, it does....sad |
||
|
Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
The shoreless sea of meaning fades into sorrow: The endless searching from place to place for one promise, the past’s widening rift traversed to keep from falling into its depth’s despair, ============================= A part of me screams every time I deny that pain’s existence. Moon’s illume peeks from over a looming cloud- Another shining dream, Another new day breaking away from blind oblivion, Love to be, a love I cannot see what’s come has gone, what’s done is undone, A blue untruth fades. Fades into flames. ====================================== Manisha, this is such a cool poem, its a lovely poetic mix of surreal images and melancholy emotions. I particularly enjoyed the touches of subtle rhyme...they added to the poems soft flow, yet didnt overpower it or cause the poem to fall victim to sounding forced or cliche' as rhyme sometime can. Well done poetess sparkless.  |
||
|
Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
This one really hit home for me. Susan C. |
||
|
Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
...This sparkles pure gold! Warm hugs, EA |
||
Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
The past refuses to be hushed by current politics; A part of me screams every time I deny that pain’s existence *** I heard that scream, and it echoed from the canyons in my heart. |
||
|
GOlDsparklESS Member
since 2001-12-13
Posts 428central nj |
Wow, thank you all so much. |
||
|
EagleScorpion Senior Member
since 2000-03-08
Posts 1644Here, Now, Forever |
wow.. i never realized how good this poem really is.. sheeeeeeeeeeaat |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
