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Separate
| Open Poetry #24 |
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Separate |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration 
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Separate ©2003 C.G. Ward she wrote of poems and silence, of the golem's wretched smile. Avalon was ideal, with her cobbled streets and gilded shores, but compassion is a comfort only to those who feel. we never touched, so went to Hanover instead. a small house - just a mite larger than any other. green trim and solemnity: how apropos. we set ourselves apart so the distance wouldn't notice a gap between our rooms. your bed, I believe, wasn't meant for me. the doorbell rang twice. I waited for a third, but the exhaust of a Chevy passing the duke's carriage blew out the window panes. and it was nighttime - (if it comes at all, it will come around dark.) so I walked downstairs to the upper level, daydreaming memories and wondering who would knock when they knew I wasn't home. staring at the door, I paused, lonely, and you were in your solitude writing of poems and silence, of the wretchedness of my frown. |
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| © Copyright 2003 C.G. Ward - All Rights Reserved | |||
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
*smile* You told me once in a reply that I had a "diamond in the rough"-- and this IS diamond: "she wrote of poems and silence, of the golem's wretched smile." I love this, as it gives an intimate view, and yet has that detachment of observation--coupled with the ironic twist of effect of mirrors in mirrors infinity. What do I mean? smile...I mean? this writer observes the subject, 'writing of poems and silences...' and then proceeds to do the same. (works nicely in conclusion too) The next verse? From Avalon to feet? I understand the need for a "bridge" and this ain't bad? but you've got better in you. (somebody remind me to duck) heh heh?  Then? "we never touched, so went to Hanover instead." This says much in its silence. (more clever that I admire, here, as the construct depicts the tone) And now? THIS, I admire beyond words: "we set ourselves apart so the distance wouldn't notice a gap between our rooms. your bed, I believe, wasn't meant for me." You could've stopped right there, but later on I find this at the end: "staring at the door, I paused, lonely, and you were in your solitude writing of poems and silence, of the wretchedness of my frown." And places lovely saddened emphasis on your opening lines... Now can I say? "nice poem?"  |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Very potent, Christopher...  I enjoyed several lines...and especially this... quote: you may have wretchedness frowning all over your face, but your humor is still intact. |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Excellent, Chris. I loved the way you intermingled the "closeness" with the "distance" throughout. My favorite stanza was ... "we set ourselves apart so the distance wouldn't notice a gap between our rooms. your bed, I believe, wasn't meant for me." Beautiful phrasing, and highly visual ... very much enjoyed.  Best wishes, /Kit |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
she wrote of poems and silence, of the golem's wretched smile. Avalon was ideal, with her cobbled streets and gilded shores, but compassion is a comfort only to those who feel. we never touched, so went to Hanover instead. ===================================== we set ourselves apart so the distance wouldn't notice a gap between our rooms. your bed, I believe, wasn't meant for me. ================================= and it was nighttime - (if it comes at all, it will come around dark.) ==================================== staring at the door, I paused, lonely, and you were in your solitude writing of poems and silence, of the wretchedness of my frown. ====================================== As I read this what occured to me mothy mind was that with 2 poets in one house, every emotion and moment or memory would be potential inspiration, and your opening lines set that up to poetic perfection ... and then the closing verse brought it full circle. Like a mirrored reflection of one anothers pen. (If that makes sense to anyone but mothy me) Obviously a deeply personal write with some line's meaning things that only those invloved will truely understand...yet the images and symbols are poetically universal in their angst and ache that the reader is caught up in the "silence and distance" And as always, nothing cliche or mundane in your writes, your unique style with that "Christopher edge" always masterfully in tact. Must mean youre a poet huh? Good to read you this morn poet sir...have missed ya around here. |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
From smile to frown.. I enjoyed the introspective nature of this piece, Christopher... Nicely done... |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
"daydreaming memories and wondering who would knock when they knew I wasn't home. staring at the door, I paused, lonely, and you were in your solitude" wow Kissy Face...every time, you do it to me....smack me with such emotions....thanks I love it when you do that. |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
Good writing...strong imagery and the words fall easily off your mind as you read. truly enoyed.. your talent is showing here. |
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Sandpiper Senior Member
since 2002-06-15
Posts 738land of flora and fauna |
I once wrote a poem titled "Living Together Separately"---'tis a profound loneliness you've captured perfectly---enjoyed!! "And it was at that age...Poetry arrived in search of me...And something started in my soul." |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
we set ourselves apart so the distance wouldn't notice ******************************* love that line |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
definately a keeper...going straight to the library! |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
I've read this several times and coulda sworn I had replied. But I hadn't, so I am! I love this! Should be a base for a play is what I think. Always, Alyssa - And so it was that time stood still - |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Hey all - thank you for your comments. I will try to get back with a better reply, especially in light of the few, 'deeper,' comments. Right now, though, workworkwork is eating up my daze. |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Karen - Feet? Don't get it... I see no feet here. :shrug: The only connection I can make is "...to those who feel" - A bit off of feet, but my handwriting has always been terrible. Al told though, I appreciate your words and praise. Kari - and yet, wretchedness makes me smile... go figure. Kit - thank you ma'am. always love your visits! JM - you lady, still and always, eh? rockin... sometimes, i swear your excerpts come out better than the poem in the first place! Nanners - danke. Susanofer - emotions.  Ron - thank you. talent or not, I sometimes manage to get a few decent words across. Sandpiper - thank you for associating. that makes it worthwhile. Midnitesun - me too, thanks. ps - thank you, thank you - i love going to the library! Alyssa. you hadn't, but you did. the end works out the same. thank you for stopping by. All - thanks for your patience. C |
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Nicole Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835Florida |
*smiling* I love to see examples of how far your writing has come over the years (ack - years!) I wish I could respond to this more in depth - but I was just popping online for a moment, and I'm so glad I did. This: a small house - just a mite larger than any other. green trim and solemnity: how apropos. green trim...I love that Your writing has pared down so much over time, but you've been able to put so much more into it also. I love the layers. BOL dear, take care Nic |
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