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Open Poetry #24
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for my star to the east
| Open Poetry #24 |
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for my star to the east |
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nosceteipsum Junior Member
since 2002-12-18
Posts 11i look for a star to the east, a savior |
when i dream i may dream of forever never of today and this ugly world forever is the day we can lay our heads down and today our hearts pray for forever when i dream i may dream of you you could be forever inside my broken world will you stay at least for today well lay together and wait for tomorrow but when you dream is it forever do you see me see us together as surely as you see today fade into tomorrow we can wait for much more let us wait for forever when zarathustra had said this the dying one did not reply further, but he moved his hand as if he sought the hand of zarathustra in gratitude...niets |
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| © Copyright 2002 nosceteipsum - All Rights Reserved | |||
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inkedgoddess Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392Ohio |
nice dreamy thoughts, but forever is just today, unfortunately, tho the concept is beautiful |
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christian Member
since 2002-12-18
Posts 331 |
see? doesnt that work better. the breaks just add to the words, adds more substance to the feel of the lines. i enjoyed this more than your other one [the chunky one]. thats just me though, and i think you should continue breaking your lines, if not for the eyes of people reading, than for the effect it has. cool. -chris. |
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nosceteipsum Junior Member
since 2002-12-18
Posts 11i look for a star to the east, a savior |
perhaps it is the knowledge that forever is a sort of impossibility that drives the poem. forever, communism, nihilism...i think we could lump those all together. rather spiffy in concept but not the greatest when put to use. when zarathustra had said this the dying one did not reply further, but he moved his hand as if he sought the hand of zarathustra in gratitude...niets |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
I have a star to the west...good write! |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (sigh) Yes, always look to the east and look to what is rising and not to what is falling behind you, for tomorrow can be yours if you never taken today for granted! (sigh) God Bless You, sweet friend, this is so very touching, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet friend, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." Shakira [This message has been edited by Mistletoe Angel (12-20-2002 04:38 AM).] |
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