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Open Poetry #24
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In Her Garden Of Revelation
| Open Poetry #24 |
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In Her Garden Of Revelation |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704
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'His lips are like lilies dripping with myrrh' (Song of Songs, 5:13) 'The sluggard buries his hand in the dish he will not even bring it back to his mouth' (Proverbs, 19:24) It’s all been a collapse she waited out and now smells the freshness of concrete inner city walks there even by the water yes even there the rise of harbour swells reflect only the America’s Cup yachts and memories have drowned somehow that marvellous broken-hearted saturation and she can’t say she believes him now is that a miracle? – to understand what love goes beyond perhaps he’ll go outside and stare into the sky with a haunted frown and feel affected in another Heathcliff moment (or retreat to whatever arms encircle him in human adoration – self-worth and lust satisfied for another passage) she hears it in songs like any Harlequin sorrow queen: should she open out the dark-dancing in the fields feeling all those gossamer chains: ‘believe me’ sang the faithless man ‘believe me, it is this time’ and she dances her fable of cultures, kauri trees, restaurants and word games, seas – nights out in quiet, under towers, distant faith: and a finale of a figure in black theatrics ‘it was never enough, never enough’ –there are no lights across the bay and the pier is now an end |
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| © Copyright 2003 Kamla Mahony - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
...is that a miracle? – to understand what love goes beyond... Tend your garden, dear, there are still revelations to be held... tender, tender... and finally! |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
The pier does come to an end eventually - and we return to solid ground to begin anew... Nice to see you post, m'friend...  |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Severn Revelations can go both ways, well done. |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
You are so lovely Your words grow beautifully with you So warming to read your poetry It is a comforting friend just as you are Love you Liz |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Well...just look at the lovely K!!!! "and now smells the freshness of concrete inner city" --this struck me as contradictory, then I remembered I live in New Orleans--  "saturation and she can’t say she believes him now is that a miracle? – to understand what love goes beyond" --this, coupled with the above makes sense of it all together. I see the freshness now as healing-- "perhaps he’ll go outside and stare into the sky with a haunted frown and feel affected in another Heathcliff moment (or retreat to whatever arms encircle him in human adoration – self-worth and lust satisfied for another passage)" --not without an edge there, but smiling, it's a compelling visual,( and oh boy! Do I know about that bitter edge, so I smile and nod here) "and a finale of a figure in black theatrics ‘it was never enough, never enough’ –there are no lights across the bay and the pier is now an end" --You closed this so artfully--quietly and discreetly dramatic, but with all the grace of a heavy curtain dropping slowly, signalling the end of a play. I sigh. Applaud. And stand, waiting for your curtain call. Brava, lovely K! Roses...to you.  |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (big hugggsssssssssss) Oh Kamla, even when the pier ends there, there is still an ocean of revelations to explore and even when it seems small wide, think deep also! (sigh) This is powerful, sweet friend, I love it, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Kamla, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Kamla It is so good to see you posting again, DLP. "It’s all been a collapse she waited out and now smells the freshness of concrete inner city walks there" I like the juxtiposition of fresh and inner city because it explains so much A reference to time taking care of things, like grief and heartbreak and that even among the decay (relationship?) finally there is new feeling. "the rise of harbour swells reflect only the America’s Cup yachts and memories have drowned somehow" Even the water/harbour...must have been a special place but now is just ordinary (if America's Cup yachts are ordinary, and I think here they are, next to the huge thing of the heart). "to understand what love goes beyond" Interesting here that you say "goes beyond" not goes away...the difference is that there is still love and you haven't gone past it to something else, but that it has gone beyond...I take this to mean it is big enough to go beyond the ordinary. " marvelous broken-hearted" helps explain that...and again I like the use of marvelous to explain broken hearted. I understand this as I see grief that way also. "Harlequin sorrow queen" and "gossamer chains:" "and she dances her fable"...almost sarcastic but more bitter perhaps? "pier is now an end" the perfect closure! Resigned, looking at things realistically, bitter sweet. All from the heart, clearly...with fresh imagery and raw emotion. Love you lots! |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
speechless I'm sorry |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
There is some great imagery here some amazing lines but this one struck me the most. "is that a miracle? – to understand what love goes beyond" I stand here in awe, your heart has spoken with clarity and beauty.. well really I don't have the words..except to say you rock. but you knew that already. got hips like cinderella must be having a good shame talking sweet about nothing |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Kari - hugs Mama K...I know, it's been awhile. Actually it's been around 5 months since I wrote anything. I was surprised to see this emerge - been putting it off you see. More will follow perhaps, hah, if I let myself: If I feel more than just the bone-dry writer's block I've been feeling for so long...thank you as always for your support of my writing, I so appreciate it... Nan - Ah, words of wisdom from the wise. (Isn't it more like a shock? ~snigger~). Love ya... Sy - Hurro you...always nice to be read by you sir... Lizzy - feeling bad. I'm such a bad communicator. I really must get off my lazy butt and write to you yes? And thank you for your very kind words. Hugs.. It's Karen!  With the first of my two wonderful interpretations. At the end of my replies I'll give a little line by line for both you and Martie, and anyone else who might be interested. Thanks for the roses my friend..I hope you and your family are doing well...huggles..Noah - well yes. Thanks hon... MLP - hey you...what I really love about your and Karen's interpretations is that you've seen things I didn't intend...I simply love that...yay bounce...so yes, see interpretation below.. shadows - I could come up with some wise tripe about learning experiences and whatnot but I'll just say 'thanks' instead. Hugs.. Bri - yeah I know. ROTF ~snicker~ Actually, that line seems to have connected with many. Hugs m'friend. Line by line of IHGOR.. This is a personal poem, so some references have specific personal meaning - and therefore might not make much sense to anyone else. Which is fine by me because then they're open for interpretation. Also I can't say that I plan each line, so sometimes I finish a poem and have to um, interpret my own stuff. ROTF... Biblical quotes: First - words are saccharine, meaningless, can't translate over to reality. Lilies hide in the night. It is not a complimentary quote, but rather my own ironic interpretation, taken from the love-song book in the bible. Second - the 'he' subject can only ever go halfway, has not the guts(?) to make the full journey. Both connected to lip imagery - in a visual sense, and in the sense of communication - ie, the mouth and words. 'It’s all been a collapse she waited out and now smells the freshness of concrete inner city walks there even by the water yes even there' Pretty simple actually - the harbour was a personal place. Connected by me to him. Now I see only the boats...the memories have lost their potency. As to the contradiction between the freshness of an inner city...irony. I think just irony. I didn't work for this line - it was just there. 'the rise of harbour swells reflect only the America’s Cup yachts and memories have drowned somehow that marvellous broken-hearted saturation and she can’t say she believes him now is that a miracle? – to understand what love goes beyond' First part of course connected to the loss of the memory. Yet, still - there is loss in there, as even the boats - these great icons of wealth, luxury, and the noble spirit - fail to make much of an impression. And the key part of the poem I think, which several of you picked up on. Connected to the biblical quotes...words, meaningless words without action to follow. No belief that it's beyond love. That anything that happened had anything to do with love at all. And also - 'beyond' love had not so much to do with moving beyond it. But realising what is appropriate when you love and what isn't. That there might perhaps be certain fences you don't cross...certain things you can expect and that it is ok to expect things within the boundaries of love, and that some things aren't ok for some people. 'perhaps he’ll go outside and stare into the sky with a haunted frown and feel affected in another Heathcliff moment (or retreat to whatever arms encircle him in human adoration – self-worth and lust satisfied for another passage)' This comes from a personal memory, crossing over to the present - wondering if it could happen as a result of my words. Or if, as I think, the latter part in parenthesis is much more likely. Heathcliff? Well...that's one to figure out.. 'she hears it in songs like any Harlequin sorrow queen: should she open out the dark-dancing in the fields feeling all those gossamer chains: ‘believe me’ sang the faithless man ‘believe me, it is this time’ I was thinking of the heroines in harlequin romances...their comic tragedies with their predicted happy endings. Harlequin imagery tying to Heathcliff imagery, tying to the imagery of the word. Dance and song translating the spoken word into a drama as both Martie and Karen picked up on. And it really can be quite a drama sometimes - one that plays over and over..'gossamer chains' has personal meaning. 'I believe, it is this time' links both to a previous poem I wrote a long long time ago, and also of course - it's a faithless line that has no substance. 'and she dances her fable of cultures, kauri trees, restaurants and word games, seas – nights out in quiet, under towers, distant faith: and a finale of a figure in black theatrics ‘it was never enough, never enough’ Fable is the story - again a link to the literature imagery. The images listed are components of experience within that fable. Things that just weren't enough...though they deliberately omit things like being close to someone, bonding, sharing, talking, loving. They are just surface things - just as words without action are surface things. More like - words without the ABILITY to take action I think...the figure in black theatrics is the subject 'he' - just a little imagery of mourning black - something I didn't think too much about. '–there are no lights across the bay and the pier is now an end' no lights across the bay - another personal reference. But now, the pier is just that - an end. There is no further to go, the pier has lost it's symbolism of hope, love and trust. It's just a wooden structure. Part of my city. Yes, Karen - the curtain finally falls. Exit stage left for good eh? There's my take on it... hugs all  K[This message has been edited by Severn (01-31-2003 04:31 PM).] |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
I think some of what struck me the most in this are probably misinterpretations of what you intended K quote: probably simply meant that something that is supposed to be sweet and beautiful is found to be bitter and distasteful..... but what hit me hardest was that the myrrh of the bible had high value as a medicine. quote: Again, I doubt it was your intention to use this line to convey how empty something once so magical has now become-- in that even these majestic sailing ships ( the best in the world at their purpose ) are in fact "only' America's Cup yachts. This to me is perhaps the image that aches the most in the entire poem. quote: |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
about damned time.... five months is way too long... you don't start writing more I think we'll send all our elected officials over there to give you guys a taste of what it is like to really suffer loss. |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
I just typed an entire response to your poem, got offline to take a call, came back and it's gone. Vanished.  |
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wayoutwalt Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870TEXAS (it's all big) |
everything has been explained to me.... rock 'n roll heart |
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BluesSerenade Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549By the Seaside |
She dances her fable~ I like that! I felt you wrote the many stages of love, and what's more you've managed to write of the heart's acceptance with a keen resolve. Anyway, this was brilliant even if my interpretation missed the mark. |
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Dr Pepper Freak Member
since 2003-01-30
Posts 72CA |
Much enjoyed this piece, great job! It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it. ~ Lena Horne |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
This is amazing! I'm so pleased I didn't miss this gem of yours Kamla. It has been awhile since I have read you. Yes..indeed the pier does come to an end... Brava!! Well done! ~Hugs, Nancy~ ~Time has cast a spell on you, |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
Severn this is a brilliant write, which of course I've come to expect from you. However there are too few from you and I have only the archives to fall back on. I hope you'll grace these pages a little more often. [This message has been edited by Aenimal (02-01-2003 06:11 PM).] |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Well, well......I finally see a poem from the great "Severn"....who, by the way, I thought was a guy, for some reason. . . Since I've been here, I wondered why I only saw your replies, never a poem.....now I know why (you haven't written for 5 months). . . Anyway, from the critiques that you've given on other poetry, you know way too much about poetry for me to say anything at all. I know nothing about the technicalities or form of poetry, which I'm sure you know if you've ever read any of my "stuff". . . I will say that I certainly enjoyed reading your poem......  . . Ethel...garysgirl |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Masterful SB..masterful! adding to my library mmy |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
perhaps he’ll go outside and stare into the sky with a haunted frown and feel affected in another Heathcliff moment *************************** An interesting image here. Perhaps he will...then again? perhaps he shall miss the cup of gold he left bobbing in the sea of humanity? |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
Hi Kamla, Guess i have nothing much constructive to add. Darn, i didn't (and don't) even see how "freshness" and "inner city" can be contradictory.  Despite your explanation and serenity and martie's takes on your poem, i think i am still missing out on a whole lotI liked "marvellous broken-hearted saturation". Unlike Martie, I don't understand grief that way and so I guess that was a new perspective for me. (or retreat to whatever arms encircle him in human adoration – self-worth and lust satisfied for another passage) This stanza made me laugh out loud. I suspect i was embarrassed by how you revealed the mentality of empty modern people in such a matter-of-factly way. It's like you have hit me with a truth that i am not quite ready to admit to myself that my only immediate reaction is to laugh it off [This message has been edited by kaile (02-03-2003 06:23 AM).] |
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regards2you Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940California |
Like receiving a gift this morning. Had read this earlier on; decided to come back later. So glad I waited. The poem and input from all, invaluable. To see so many minds at work on one poem is rewarding and a way to judge my own understanding. To have you take the time for explanations is wonderful. Enjoy this entire thread. Yes, please...post more.... Hugs, Pat ..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.. |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Back again  Jpooh - hey you...yes here I am so stop whinging...I don't really think you misinterpreted all that much; as far as it all goes you're pretty good at understanding what I'm saying. I think you just had slightly different takes on most things. Like the myrrh - wasn't so much concerned with taste per se...not bitter and distasteful...anyway I've already explained it lol. Medicine is certainly interesting - hah, in this case - bad bloody medicine... The whole thing about the yachts. Don't know if I explained that well...let me check. (I did keep my explanation kinda brief, you know what a waffler I am). Hm, I kinda said it. It's more like - just absence. Nothing but a faint trace of loss...(which may or may not be entirely truthful, depending on my mood I guess). Indentations - pauses, stumblings, halts...call it what you will Yes, dark-dancing - emptiness indeed. Lots of emptiness in this poem really.. 'I feel the sorting out of broken promises from unrealised dreams' - indeed, and also unrealistic dreams...New possibilities? No. I appreciate your interp dear..I do.. Huggles.. Ron - you make me laugh...What a shocking threat!! How unPC of you Sir...~still giggling~ (and I will try to write more, I'm tickled that you guys want to read what I write..it's cool!) D - hey, I've had that happen too...unbelievably frustrating...so I'll just take it on faith that what you were going to say was good heh.. Walt - hi. I still think you're in another zone and if we all just adjust slightly we'll pick up what it is you're saying exactly. Blues - Heart's acceptance? I don't know...more like loss and numbness and forced resignation...thanks for you interp, as I said - I like it when people see things I don't intend myself.. Dr P - cheers ears... Nancy - Thank you hon...glad you enjoyed it.. Aenimal - I'm trying, I'm trying! Lol..thanks for the brilliant, not what I'd call it myself (given I practically had to chew rocks to even get it out at all...) garysgirl - Hey you..you know why I know about poetry? A four year degree in english, focusing on poetry a lot...that's it. We all learn in stages. I've noticed how self-deprecating you are in terms of poetry...you likely know more than you think, simply by reading and writing and participating here... Thanks for responding hon.. (you thought I was a guy?!! hah - don't worry, you're actually not the first!!)Mmy - the library eh?? ~hushed awe~ hehehe...love ya... Midnite - no, I doubt it. Believe me, it's an image that makes me think too..thankees.. Kaile - ok. Freshness inner city. Simply - he isn't in it anymore. I used to see him in it, all the time. Now I don't. Now it's fresh. So - not fresh as in meadow-fresh, but emotionally fresh. Actually the 'he' isn't an empty modern person at all...however, I'm glad that stanza gave you that reaction - that's kinda cool...another differing interpretation...(hey - you remember you had a rewrite of a poem you were going to send...? Just a reminder in case you forgot - OR, for all I know you haven't done it yet ) Thanks you...Pat - Hey there...Well, at least someone doesn't think I'm just a loudmouth who talks too much...~grin~ I'm glad you enjoyed the poem, and the critiques and explanations...have you thought about participating in Critical Analysis? You might really like it there... K[This message has been edited by Severn (02-04-2003 01:03 AM).] |
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