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Open Poetry #24
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Objection
| Open Poetry #24 |
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Objection |
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gemjop Member Elite
since 2002-11-18
Posts 2587Pencilveinia, USA 
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You blindly rate me, Emotion is irrelevant. Disregard the effort, And personal growth, Focus forever on structure. Am I your perfect 10? Tears are evidence, Is it too much to handle? Dont cross me with your critical claws, I look down upon this numerical category. For you misunderstand, Trip, And miss what matters, trampling as you go. Clumsily unaware of the heart that lies on the paper. Your approach disheartening, Inhumane form of judgement. Weaving your web, Inconsiderately harsh you bound me, But i'll catch you out. My words aren't formed in rhyme, Mute tongue falls upon ears that listen with respect. I can't hear you, When you rate me a 1 in 10. My frame is strength, As emotion built me. What's yours? learning each day, for you and i, our paths have met, i've already learnt that you are love. [This message has been edited by gemjop (12-19-2002 07:34 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 gj - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Professor Gloom Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082of Depression |
For the style it is very good full of emotion I would like to see a different version where you used a tighter structure, but T'is just my personal preference. Enjoyed Gloom |
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gemjop Member Elite
since 2002-11-18
Posts 2587Pencilveinia, USA |
thankyou gloom, i'm so very glad you enjoyed. i struggled with this one, didn't know how best to present it, and kept getting stuck in general. but needed to post it anyway. just tried breaking it up, but not sure if its working!? aaargh, some poems, instead of being theraputic, are mind boggling! thanks again, lots of love, gemma xxxxxxxxxx learning each day, for you and i, our paths have met, i've already learnt that you are love. |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
Well, I enjoyed the stream of consciousness of this and totally understand the powerfully stated point of view. Whether on the shoal or on the shore, |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
I like this, it pricks the mind and dumps the emotions right out onto the page, without caring about the way they fall. Fall they must. You can always go back later and wipe them up a bit, to your own liking. I often like the first dump the best, being closer to the raw. |
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regards2you Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940California |
Gemjop, Well, I personally think this is an eleven...for I know what I like, am more like the non-poet, when I read poetry....don't look for or care how it is structured, rhymed or rhythmed.....content will grab me everytime.... This talks to me. I like it a great deal. Hugs to you, Pat  ..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.. |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
I like these kinds of poems, rants, putting it out like it is...putting someone in their place, making others think. Nice. |
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garysgirl 
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
YEAH....gempop............. To me, it's a twenty in a 1-10....... Thanks for saying it the way I wasn't able to....... You are a true friend, to this big "family of friends", with lots of love and compassion.  "Love makes the world go around" |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
gemjop, the struggle is evident in the poem and yet it spoke to me. I always like that in a poem. Kethry Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown |
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