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Open Poetry #24

Secret Garden Dreams

Poetic Bard
Member

since 2003-01-22

Posts 84
Canada, BC

0 posted 2003-01-27 03:58 PM

This is one of my three attempts at writing a smaller poem, trying to make it mean as much, but w/ less words.

~Secret Garden Dreams~
Roses full of the pedals of dreams,
Rain drops never seem,
To stop their rythm,
Upon my soul,
Within these,
Secret garden dreams,
An unbroken silence waits upon each soul,
As they reside within their,
Secret garden dreams,
Remembering the loves shared,
Hopes rekindled,
And the faint smells of tomorrow blossoming,
On the pedals of today,
As we sit here in,
Secret garden dreams.

Hope you enjoyed the read, tell me what you think.

I bleed, you all read, and may the blood never stop spilling for loss of emotion would be all too damning.
~Joel

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

1 posted 2003-01-27 04:03 PM

Joel, thank you for allowing me to critique this, which is really not going to be anything more than a request to take a poem that could be very lovely, and do an edit, incorporating spell check, and a punctuation reduction.

I think once you have that all fixed, it will be a very lovely poem that will lend the reader to a smoother, more absorbing, read...

Thank you!

Poetic Bard
Member

since 2003-01-22

Posts 84
Canada, BC

2 posted 2003-01-27 04:11 PM

Well, thank you for pointing it all out to me, I've been meaning to work on my spelling and grammar, which, is becoming alot more obviouse in the sense that it is lacking. I'll begin to improve both of them. Thanks Sunshine.