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Poetic Bard
Member

since 2003-01-22

Posts 84
Canada, BC

0 posted 2003-01-24 12:50 PM

~Cut away the ties~

You knew as soon as you came,
You knew you didn't belong,
You were the first too anger,
The first to pain,
The first one that new the word maim,
And all those around you,
Could not see,
Through the icing,
The icing of the toppings of a damned tortured cake,
To see through the icing and see,
That secret pain that cried out to be free,
To let yourself,
Cut away the ties,
Those ties of life and living,
The monotonous breathing that would never be shared,
Never be meaningful,
You were always the angry boy,
Never easily offended,
But,
A bit too insane,
Never too typical,
Never ‘by the script',
And as you tried to dance to your own mix,
Your own mood,
They shunned away from your form,
Trying to see the facade,
Trying to see the fake,
Not the you,
Through the true thoughts and feelings that you held,
Under the veal of a smile,
To give reassurance to all that you could do,
All the things you do,
Ever so easily,
Though they never came that way to ye,
But to them they came,
With the ut most confidence,
Let me enlighten you,
The pain never goes away,
The thrill of the thought of the jump only digs deeper,
Only drives into your soul harder,
To take everything away,
All the things that I do never come easy,
And come with a true pain and suffering,
With a true love and hope,
Even a dream,
To wake up one-day,
And to truly want to,
Cut away the ties.

This one came through a bit of personal experience. Not too pleasent, but, I thought it was a good piece, none the less.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

1 posted 2003-01-24 04:03 AM

yes, indeed, a good piece! I enjoyed the read.

Poetic Bard
Member

since 2003-01-22

Posts 84
Canada, BC

2 posted 2003-01-24 11:26 AM

Glad ye liked it. I know I enjoyed writing it.

Beneath, there is more beneath, but, what is there in the end? More beneath? Or something more?

Kethry
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-29

Posts 9082
Victoria Australia

3 posted 2003-01-25 03:24 PM

Poetic Bard,
This was a good piece but it could be made better by checking your spelling before you post. You may not have a spellchcker so I'm going to do it for you this time.

You were the first too(to) anger,

The icing of the toppings of a damned tortured cake,(this is a fabulous line)

Under the veal(veil, I think) of a smile,

Though they never came that way to ye,(you)

With the ut most(utmost) confidence,

As I said before it is a very good piece and could be excellent with a bit of polish, even if the experience is unpleasant.

Kethry

Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

4 posted 2003-01-25 03:29 PM

(big hugggsssssssss) Oh Joel, I'm sorry this is non-fictional to you but know now evetything will be okay and the best poems are those that come straight from the soul! (sigh) Take Kethry's advice as this is already such a marvelous poem, yay, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Joel, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

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