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ShadowRider
Senior Member

since 2001-07-14

Posts 1038
USA

0 posted 2003-01-20 11:19 AM

Devoured

He was dragged to a wall and hung like a picture
surfeited, overindulged in borrowed oaths
she moved his eyes with painted curtsies
and deft movements of a flower in placating breeze

She would bow to the gentlemen
and lustily devour unwashed suitors
who salivated like dew-dripping fronds
he trembled at the wake of her tide
as each man does prior to touch of a paramour

the snows melted, the rain evaporated,
the sunlight bent, the moon fell to ruin
Still
he longed for her despite cupid’s deception
for years he held safe the dreams she hadn’t had yet
he waited not in vain but in quelled solemnity
for her vestal innocence to return

like a crackling fire
he was wood; she: the flame
as finally, together they merged in maturity
and became a warm hearth of home

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

1 posted 2003-01-20 11:56 AM

Jeff

"for years he held safe the dreams she hadn’t had yet"

So unique and so very, very interestingly well done. Really enjoyed this love with a slant.

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

2 posted 2003-01-20 02:06 PM

Now I got two different interpretations from this, Jeff...both of them interesting, and enjoyable...

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

3 posted 2003-01-20 03:33 PM

Oh I love this Jeff!
I, like Karilea, saw this two ways as well.
Beautiful my friend...well done.
~Hugs & Smiles, Nancy~

~Time has cast a spell on you,
So you won't ever forget me~

regards2you
Member Elite

since 2002-10-01

Posts 3940
California

4 posted 2003-01-20 03:42 PM

Oh my, this requires a few reads, willingly of course, it is so good.
I love it, too. Many great phrases and lines. I like what Martie quoted and this at the last part:

"He was wood; she: the flame"

Enjoyed a great deal.

Thank you, Pat

..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons..
"Desiderata"

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

5 posted 2003-01-20 06:45 PM

(big hugggsssssss) Oh Jeff, this is beautiful, sweet friend, this made me cry as I can only imagine the beauty of this kind of love and hopefully someday may feel it! (sigh) God less You, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Jeff, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

ShadowRider
Senior Member

since 2001-07-14

Posts 1038
USA

6 posted 2003-01-20 10:07 PM

Nancy and Karilea: i also had a couple or so thoughts in mind as to why this story was told.
I would be most interested in hearing what you thought the two trains were. You both are the sweetest! Thankx, yall!
JkF

ShadowRider
Senior Member

since 2001-07-14

Posts 1038
USA

7 posted 2003-01-20 10:09 PM

Martie: those two meant the most to me: that someone would love another so deeply that secret desires would be unlived and held in escrow until both could realize them fully. Thankx for seeing the world-within-a-world in that! Great to see you back in action, M.
JkF

ShadowRider
Senior Member

since 2001-07-14

Posts 1038
USA

8 posted 2003-01-20 10:17 PM

Hey Noah!  exactamundo, mon ami!  No one can know us well as those who overlook all our flaws and love us, regardless of 'us>'.
The treasure surely is that there are relationships and couples with that level of understanding and empathy out there.  It's not enough to fall in love:  we must wait until the  right 'love' takes our life on the wonderous journey we all deserve.
Your level of caring never ceases to amaze me, Noah.

Aw, Pat.....with a blushing thankx, i appreciate your thoughts.  The last few lines
i debated with a bit as being too clumsy, but it appears you got what i meant:  in spite of my clunky writing.
Jeff

ThisDiamond
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-02-22

Posts 9353
Michigan, USA

9 posted 2003-01-20 10:48 PM

I applaud the creativity, the depth and the style of this piece. Truly a personal best.
Such wisdom in the words you chose to paint with. ThisDiamond

ShadowRider
Senior Member

since 2001-07-14

Posts 1038
USA

10 posted 2003-01-20 11:58 PM

TD, extremely kind of you to say so. One of those kinds of poem after finished, looks and sounds so natural, like it was meant to be written?
Do you know what I mean?
One of those 'every-once-in-a-while' kind of things?
JkF

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