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Open Poetry #24
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lunchboxes to razorblades
| Open Poetry #24 |
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lunchboxes to razorblades |
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christian Member
since 2002-12-18
Posts 331 |
lunchboxes to razorblades -------------------------- the photographer fell for your pseudosmiles and left you--there in a perfect box, looking so damn depressed in grayscale .. or, maybe you weren't pretending and maybe you really did, smile .. because you made it--from december rain to lunchroom facades .. where you picked labels off plastic soda bottles and crumbled in sony headphones while you dissolved with blurry backgrounds. left, unfocused. you made it--from thriftstore T's to old backpacks blemished with pins and sharpie markers. as pocketknife signatures on mahogany desktops, fade into your graveyard limestones .. you made it--from lunchboxes to razorblades .. sustained smashing pumpkin songs and funeral fetishes only to be placed in black and white yearbooks, where unused spaces are left there with nothing to do but drown your red autograph and ghost photographs. the photographer fell for your pseudosmiles and left you--there, in a perfect box, looking so damn depressed in grayscale .. or, maybe you weren't pretending and maybe you really did smile, because you made it .. because you made it .. --------------------------------------------- "and i dont want the world to see me because i don't think that theyd understand, when everythings meant to be broken i just want you to know who i am" [goo goo dolls] --------------------------------------------- [This message has been edited by christian (01-16-2003 03:34 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 christian ragunton - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
you made it--from thriftstore T's to old backpacks blemished with pins and sharpie markers. as pocketknife signatures on mahogany desktops, fade into your graveyard limestones .. you made it--from lunchboxes to razorblades .. You have a real talent for description Christian. It never sounds contrived. And these particular images, while familiar are freshly done. Once again, I enjoy the way you write. |
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Astro Member
since 2003-01-08
Posts 69Ca. |
Very haunting. So many people live the rest of their lives like epilogue after high school. Just a wrap-up until death. I love the use of popular images and ad-references. Those always make the best satire and cynicism. I like the positive conclusion that perhaps it wasn't a fake smile. Perhaps the protagonist (if that's waht you'd call it) got away clean and made something with their lives. Still, there's something so haunting about the intesity of those hogh-scholl memories. Maybe that's why classmates.com is so disgustingly successful. Overall, great theme. As for the poetic structure, I liked it. My only complaint would be the long stanzas. It's not wrong to use long stanzas but shorter, more brief images are a preference of mine. It makes it easier for me to read. Great job! |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 BRAVO!!! I am truly becoming a true fan of your descriptive nature and poetic soul, dearest friend, sometimes your words seem to have pieces of the great philosophers hidden within the thrift store atmosphere and it all comes together with cohesive beauty! (sigh) God Bless You, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Christian, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
I see this as a triumph over a wreck of school years and a hand-me-down existence. God knows I know this one. When you crumpled into the corner, strapped on some music, picked at things, wrote your name, tasted chalk (the limestone graveyard) and tried to disappear. Wonderful writing. And yes, you did make it. .m. |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
Way to go Christian!congratulations, on the exit and the entrance into the next dimension. You have a keen mind, and a gutwrenching honesty about you. Razorblades, indeed. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Thanks for the lesson, Christian. I'm afraid I "skimmed" through this poem too quickly as mods sometimes do with so many poems to cover. Someone asked a question about your meanings, which caused me to look at it more closely and I was able to recognize just how excellent your writing really is. Your metaphors, the phrasing and some deep meanings that lie exposed and yet hidden for those not being able to decipher what they see make for rewarding reading. I won't "skim" again...keep writing  |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
Awesome write, could hear the quiet loud guitars and a Corgan/Iha distortion fadeout near the end and loved every second of it remembering high school and my walkman escape |
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christian Member
since 2002-12-18
Posts 331 |
i think the greatest praise comes from those who you look up to. this is it. thanks for making me believe that i am some sort of writer. -chris. |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
christian, incredible - indelible images. Fantastic! Kethry Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown |
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enchantingvamp Member
since 2002-12-21
Posts 214Indiana, & NO there is NOT more than corn in Indiana, oughta go back to texas! |
Once again, Christain, I gotta kiss your cheek, write on doll! Nature has a funny way of breaking that which will not bend....Jewell |
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Sandpiper Senior Member
since 2002-06-15
Posts 738land of flora and fauna |
your style is quite unique and breathless--your talent shines, write on!! "And it was at that age...Poetry arrived in search of me...And something started in my soul." |
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Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
an 18% gray would be a perfect backdrop for this. I take it you're taking photography this semester?....A very thought provoking write Chris. |
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Salty Senior Member
since 2002-11-23
Posts 669Texas |
I envy those thathave the ability to write in "REAL" form. I know the person the speaker desribes...i know his thoughts...I picture his decor. You have executed this thought provoking write very well. ~Salty In the Midst of movement and chaos, keep stillness inside of you. |
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Sybil Member
since 2002-09-12
Posts 73Midwest |
You have managed to draw in some of the best writers PiPs has to offer... better yet, you kept their attention. Keep writing. |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Chris, my friend, I do believe you "have made it" here at PIP. You know what? I believe that you could make it anywhere and in any situation that you wanted to. Why? Because underneath all that determination, there is a quiet smile of understanding. Thank you for this...  ~Ethel~ |
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regards2you Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940California |
Chris, You ~AM~....and I smile at your talent and ability to capture all you do. Definitely unique and original, you and your poetry. So glad you are part of this site, you give us so much. Thank you, Enjoyed, Pat  ..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.. |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
This is excellent, christian! |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
smashing pumpkins... Chris, this one sent me off into some deep thought, and I appreciate it. |
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christian Member
since 2002-12-18
Posts 331 |
ethel and dixie are a post away from having the same amount of posts. just me over analyzing, :dives back into reality: |
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christian Member
since 2002-12-18
Posts 331 |
the only reason i made it here is because of you guys. thanks for putting up with my wit, more to come--but thanks for putting up with it. and i do appreciate the feedback, not only that--but i respect them as well. let's keep on keeping. -chris. |
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