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navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #24 » Gone
Open Poetry #24
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Dj_Scarebear
Junior Member
since 2002-12-13
Posts 22
Wooster,Oh
0 posted 2003-01-15 05:02 PM


out of life out of time death crawles by time after time. walks by ever so quietly no one to notice not evan a sound wepon so silent a cry is never found. death walks by nothing to see. black as night cold as ice darkness comes ever so slight. the final hour is apon us to him it just a life.
© Copyright 2003 Adam (Dj Scarebear) Starr - All Rights Reserved
Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
1 posted 2003-01-15 09:04 PM

I feel the poetic ambience of this piece, Scarebear - It might read more easily if you used some line breaks for effect.. I'd be interested to see the difference... Welcome to Passions, btw...
GG
Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532
Lost in thought
2 posted 2003-01-16 08:35 AM

I enjoyed this. A bit of a thinker
I'd agree with Nan though, definitely needs some line breaks to ease it up.

Welcome here! Stay awhile

Always, Alyssa

- And so it was that time stood still -
     (blink, breathe, stand, fight)
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