The Touch : Kyrielle - pipTalk Forums

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Professor Gloom
Member Elite

since 2000-07-23

Posts 3082
of Depression

0 posted 2003-01-06 01:51 PM

You place your hand on my shoulder
Without the words still you say much
One more day and you grow bolder
Each day the more I long to touch.

Gently you caress hand on cheek,
Eyes search for meanings deeply held
And what’s seen there my knees weak
Each time the more I long to touch.

Slowly you draw your hand away,
And I feel an aching inside,
I know that you could never stay
Now even more I long to touch.

Days have turned to months and then years
Eyes and smile fade from memory,
Never again was my worst fear,
Yet so much I had longed to touch.

Gloom

A Kyrielle is a French form
It is written in quatrains (four line stanzas)
which include a refrain (repeat line, phrase or word) as the last line,
and each line has eight syllables.
The rhyming scheme is completely up to the author,
it could easily be aabB, ccbB or abaB, cbcB.
It is not even required for the refrain to rhyme with the second line,
so it could be axaR, bxbR

[This message has been edited by Professor Gloom (01-06-2003 02:09 PM).]

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

1 posted 2003-01-06 02:02 PM

You teach a gentle and delicate lesson, Professor...thank you for such a fine and easy way to learn poetry of various forms...

I would make one suggestion, and that would be to change this line:

quote:
Slowly you draw you hand away,

with you to "your".

Thank you again.

Professor Gloom
Member Elite

since 2000-07-23

Posts 3082
of Depression

2 posted 2003-01-06 02:11 PM

Thank you, Sunshine,
pleased you liked it
and thanks for catching my mistake,
that dang spell checker doesn't catch the worng owrd sleppde write.

Gloom

sigheyes
Member

since 2001-04-25

Posts 323
the winds of destiny

3 posted 2003-01-06 05:01 PM

A very nice Kyrielle,a form I find hard to do.

Salty
Senior Member

since 2002-11-23

Posts 669
Texas

4 posted 2003-01-06 05:22 PM

Bravo.....love the words with the 8 syllable lines. Now thats hard to please one with making a good write and trying to say it in an exact amount of words.

~Salty

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

5 posted 2003-01-06 08:28 PM

Very nicely penned Gloom.
Learned something new today...I like that.
~Hugs~

~Time has cast a spell on you,
So you won't ever forget me~

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