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Spiritual Journeys #2
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Collection of Prayers for the Slowly Dying
| Spiritual Journeys #2 |
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Collection of Prayers for the Slowly Dying |
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jellybeans Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298
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"The Collection" ~* Prayers For The Slowly Dying *~ --------------------------------------------------- 1. The eye of the storm Though the world may spin ferociously fast and dizzy my eyes time after time miss my appointed path I pray to look up always up for there is a calm just past my fingertips a far as the eye can comprehend if only my heart will let me see that guided footfalls have no need of worry nor fear of blindness. 2. Lord, take these tears Lord, are you still here? ‘cause I feel awfully alone today. I need your help to reason; I need your help to sustain. These unruly tears, they have no basis the source from which they well has more than enough reasons to be thankful- this morning I am breathing and moving with a tolerable amount of pain the sun is shining and last night’s rain has freshly washed the world; music fills my ears and my hands are busy- with your blessings Lord I am surrounded. Though I am but a singular of the many for whom you hung I have faith that without my finding the reasons you will understand when I say that today it hurts to be me. 3. A non-saline solution Lord, I faltered. Back I looked into hatred’s face and with eyes wide open, fell into the angry defiant stare. And surely I say that I found comfort there for so long it was all that held me upright and above ground. So difficult a crutch to throw I was able to stand alone only with help from You. But now Lord I failed- I looked back. A wicked wretch am I-it suits me well. Sadness saturates but it affects me not. Compassion is naught; my eyes are unseeing. The breaths I barely manage to inhale are heavy laden. No signs of regret- I cannot move to stop this backward slide. My heart has stopped. Solid and sinking in my chest, my ears cannot hear it beating. My soul is alone, bereft. A pillar of salt is taking my shape. Lord my very essence reaches out to you and implores please, before the stiffness arrives my soul, turn me. Liquefy me. Mold me back into a reflection of you. One more time I ask Lord wash me clean. Revive me with your touch… 4. Lord lift me up Upwards, raw handed laboriously one over the other I climbed towards a higher power, towards the light. The longer the length of rope between my legs, the better off I felt; I thought myself higher. I was happy enough when I reached the point of No Luggage Allowed-leave it all behind. I had strength only enough to carry me. I made one mistake, though, in leaving my weaknesses behind all of darkness now knew my deepest recesses. Open hearted I tend to write. My pain I permanently inked. It was with gleaming eyes he must have dutifully noted each and every time I shattered. I never saw him wield the blade but I remember breaking when I hit the ground. I cannot do this alone I know now you never intended it so. Once again this morn I pray Lord, lift me up. 5. …that I might be forgiven I say that I am the Vulnerable that I would know from where springs my strength; Naïve, that I would not be tainted by the hardness of this world; Joyful that I might find the laughter that heals from within. But I also admit that I am the Angry that I might learn to appreciate peace. I know I am the Kind; I need be. I am the Haughty- so as to learn to be the Humbled. That you may teach me to bend I am the Stubborn. I am the Fallen that your grace may lift me up. Lord in your name I am many reaching as one towards heaven. But what I really want most of all Lord is to be the Penitent that I might be the Forgiven. 6. Tonight after I say goodnight Lord I am a sinner saved only by your grace. This you already know. So I guess, it is me that barely realizes the only way I will make it to heaven, is if you take me on breath after your mercy forgives… I need your shelter from this world, from myself. Again tonight I take a deep breath and whisper my plea Lord, forgive me…. 7. Enlighten me Lord your word reads that you will not give me more than I can bear. But Lord, after today, added onto this weekend and that, added onto the week before, and…. well all I can say, is that you must have much more faith in my ability than I. 8. Sooner or later This never-ending oppressive pain has a way of bringing out the hope in me. I try to have faith that it will be resolved in its proper time and in accordance with your will but each night I hope and pray Lord to see you sooner than later. 9. I am overwhelmed Today stress and lack of sleep have crowded in with my brain inside my hurting head and it feels like it is going to pop any minute now and I think that must be why my eyes, very responsibly I might add, do their part to stay the inevitable explosion by closing every chance they get. I have tried caffeine, vitamins, and toothpicks. They are not working. Lord, for strength to finish this day I look to you…. 10. Today I am thin Lord I cannot do this alone. I need you now more than ever. I am stretched to the point of transparency. I am beset by the enemy, my armor pierced. I am a sieve, tatters tearing in the wind. Lord mend me with your mercy, layer me with your love, and Lord… most of all, solidify me with your strength. Raise up my faith, wave it high, that I might find a hope for tomorrow. Surround me with your grace that I might make it through today. 11. Niagara undertow I try to tell myself that I am focusing on my life on me on exactly what it is I signed my name to twenty seven years ago and on the promise of eternity but no, Lord you and I both know that is too deep...right now I guess I would do good to just say that I am just trying to focus on the car in front of me and the next five minutes or so, forget any hope of remembering yesterday and planning for tomorrow Lord I pray just let me get safely through this hour. I am estranged. I am on the outside looking in. My skin is set on random; I have warped and swirled, dizzied me into an ambient hypnotic stupor, for which I have no definition no beginning no end. And when I listen, that little voice tries to wake me, it tries to tell me that something deep inside my belief is lying to me disputing and dissolving the very core of me. My brow furrows but I can’t quite finish the thought because I can’t take my mind off the miracle called Niagara falls and how that amount of water just keeps falling over the edge, does it have an end? Try as I might I cannot find the reason for my over-spilling for the crash and burn for my lack of presence. Transparent as I have become I have not yet reached where the mellifluous water stills where I am no more. As much as I wish to be….I must not be finished 12. Stop this shaking Whether to step up or whether to step down, step over or step around- in this turbulence I never know that which is required. Will this quaking ever settle down? This is your way of teaching me to hold tightly Lord? Have I been amiss in thanking you? I have finally found the only comforter; my faith shall not fluctuate, regardless of the Rictor rating You are permanently anchored within. My heart is forever yours oh Lord, so may I humbly ask, when will my world stop shaking? 13. Cup of Bitterness I trouble it freely, literally and many times well enthused to counteract my need for a mate more soft-hearted. Lord forgive this sin this bitterness that lives within. You see. You know. Take this cup of bitter that I drink Lord with your living water please fill my need. 14. Reactions Action. Reaction! Action. Reaction! Action. Reaction! Action. Reaction! Action- old habits die harder foreknowledge despited R Re Rea Reac React Reacti Reactio Reaction Reactions Accumulate end result eternally unchanging Lord Help me not to React. Take this distress replace in my heart habits anew. Wash clean my soiled responses. I give my all to you. Guide me with your wisdom; soften me with your love. Let me give up this battle within the shelter of your Grace. 15. Shall I dance? Will the weeping never stop and the hurting never heal? Shall my feet forever be burdened by the heaviness of this world? Will they not just the once be lifted by your spirit and dance, not of their own accord? I will wait upon your spirit I will wait upon you Lord and lift my hands before you and imagine my feet light as feathers floating across the floor. And if this world ends my pirouette untimely still, and if I find myself in Heaven bowing in your presence, I would hope to see you smile when I ask, Lord shall I dance? 16. Gift wrapped Subjective suspense detailed the penning of me. My sins and sorrows were uncovered one by one and inked into darkness. I wrote what could not be spoken and gave life to that which had want to remain buried. Of all the blunders recorded in my life neither my sanity nor lack thereof were excluded. I held tightly to my pen for I thought it a savior-oh so certain that I would soon be able to write myself wings. But my pen and I we did not fly, instead with leaden feet my paper turned cold, unfeeling and eventually unyielding. Dreams collapsed inward; exhaustion was not excused nor forgiven. Silence and my pen argued and angered. On the altar of absolution I laid it down – but no respite was to be found, my words still had need of pardon. Round and round they wound, expanding, awaiting a sky high explosion. When back to earth I crashed, in desperation, I penned a single prayer. I watched it come to life and soar upwards…my transformation began. I gave my pen to God; He gift-wrapped it with his blessings and gave it back again. Thank you for reading and your kind comments, Jellybeans [This message has been edited by Mysteria (06-04-2003 01:55 PM).] |
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Joyce Johnson
since 2001-03-10
Posts 9912Washington State |
This is a powerful poem all wrapped up in sorrow, pain and the Holy forgiveness of God and of his promises. Yes this is the place for your poetry. My prayers are with you. With love, Joyce |
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quatro Member
since 2003-04-29
Posts 392Galveston, Texas |
Jelly, #2--Lord, Take These Tears I truly enjoyed and related to this. You have so many more and I will come back and read them more carefully as such they deserve. Great writing. quatro |
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jellybeans Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298 |
joyce, thank you so much for your welcome here and for your comments quatro...I too have had much pain in my life, and thankfully these last days I have learned to grow from it, instead of letting it destroy me thank you for your comments |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
  WOW!!! Oh my gosh, this certainly was a lot to read, yet I just had to read all of these together! (big hugggssssssss) You speak with pure honesty and heart in every one of thnese, and I must confess #12, #14, and #16 really touched me the most. "Stop This Shaking" really had me gripped, I agree that there is a lot of turbulence we have to bite off at once every step of the way, and we truly feel gravity is playing tricks on us but what we don't realize is we are allowing ourselves to feel these earthquakes and all we have to do is believe that He isn't trying to make us lose our balance and if we believe it can feel ever so comforting! "Reaction" kind of reminded me of Newton's Law, that "every action must have a reaction", and how true is that? We will hurt, we will cry, we will suffer, but what if all of this means something? I truly feel He is doing all of this so He can only teach us to be stronger, better people, and He doesn't want to bully us or make us suffer, but in the end we are only just short of invincible! And finally, "Gift Wrapping" deeply touched me, as sometimes it is not the presents, the gifts we are offered that is really important, it is simply the label saying who it's from to know who much one cares, and He offers us so much and I don't think we can ever thank Him enough! (sigh) These are excellent, sweet friend, God Bless You, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet friend, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton Underneath your clothes, there's an endless story |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Welcome to Spiritual JellyBeans and what an entrance! These are certainly a clear, concise, and amazing account of your journey which I hope to read more of. I printed them out to read as they need more time to read in quiet, at least for me. God bless and do write more. [This message has been edited by Mysteria (06-04-2003 03:19 AM).] |
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jellybeans Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298 |
thanks mysteria...they are posted on another forum, but I don't know where, I would be happy to have a moderator delete them from the other forum, and I could seperate these out into seperates if you like, possibly into groups of 3...thanks for your help on this.... |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Your poems will be a great comfort to many ,and the moderators have granted your request to leave them here as requested, I hope you will feel that you have friends in this forum and post more JellyBeans, God Bless. |
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LayItDown Member
since 2003-05-17
Posts 94 |
Very thoughtful, drawn I'm sure from times of being stretched further than you wanted. Be encouraged....in all the stretching....is see Jesus shinning. I see you invite constructive criticism. I rarely comment on structure, grammar, word replacement and all. Relating concepts is, I believe, the goal of a poet...actually making connection with the reader even thought this may be accomplished inadvertently by making connection with our selves in a given poem. I resist those who put form on the same level as content. Your content is quite beautiful, jellybeans. Love, LayItDown |
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Songbird Member Elite
since 1999-12-15
Posts 2184Missouri |
Awesome work! I did not have any trouble reading everyone of them. Each one is part of a journey. You have expressed that journey very well. I will be looking for more of your poems. |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Had to come back to save these to my library and tell you what an impact these few lines had for me... held tightly to my pen for I thought it a savior, oh so certain that I would soon be able to write myself wings. |
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jellybeans Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298 |
thank you all so much...on thing about posting your spiritual journey, is that others that are on the same path can gain encouragement and we can help each other...thank you all for helping me with your encouragement.....hugs and love from jb |
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mysticpoe Senior Member
since 2003-02-28
Posts 883 |
Your poems bridged that distance called fear between us and him. Nice job. Enjoyed and God Bless!! mysticpoe |
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jellybeans Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298 |
thank you again |
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