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Fuschia
Junior Member

since 2006-06-19

Posts 35
England

0 posted 2006-06-24 09:56 AM

I stroll across the moon-lit beach and gaze at the sparkling stars
I hear the waves saunter up the shore, healing my searing scars

I feel the soft, silky sand rest lazily beneath my weary feet
I sense the wind wrap itself around me like a spiritual sweeping sheet

I see the long, still groynes stretching out far into the stirring sea
Where I am isolated by myself, except for God’s presence surrounding me

I stare into the distance, searching for guidance for my desiring soul
But I need not look that far, for right beside me God sets my goal

I aim to submit to You and serve You with all I am, as a living sacrifice
I strive to seek You, stretch to reach You, steering clear from all vice

I wear Your shining garment of salvation which You gave to me
I praise You, raise up Your name in all Your sovereignty.

kif kif
Member

since 2006-06-01

Posts 439
BCN

1 posted 2006-06-26 09:28 AM

Hello Fushia;

I enjoy the alliteration you use here, and the rhythm is lovely.

I also like how you've used 'greyness' (I hope that's what you were going for) in a contemplation of beauty.

Good write!

(one thing...using abstractions, like 'vice' needs to be expanded on. I'd say, if you're gonna drop it, try and support it, otherwise, it just comes across as a forced rhyme.)

Fuschia
Junior Member

since 2006-06-19

Posts 35
England

2 posted 2006-06-26 01:52 PM

Thank you kif kif for your comments. I will take your advice into concideration.

xxFuschiaxx

Lighthousebob
Member Elite

since 2000-06-14

Posts 4725
California

3 posted 2006-06-26 02:15 PM

Fuschia,

I think a most perfect setting for a Lighthouse you've described here in your poem and, so, of course, I loved it!

Very Creative and Descriptive.

God bless.

-Bob

Fuschia
Junior Member

since 2006-06-19

Posts 35
England

4 posted 2006-06-26 04:12 PM

Awwww... thanks a lot Lighthousebob. Thats a sweet comment. Yes, it does make a good setting for a light house.

God Bless

xxFuschiaxx

ChaoticHazeLight
Member

since 2006-06-13

Posts 71
California, U.S.

5 posted 2006-06-29 02:38 PM

Nice... I like the imagery.
The only thing I didn't really like that much was the repetition of "I". Otherwise, It was awesome. God bless

- haze

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

6 posted 2006-07-01 06:52 AM

quote:
I stare into the distance, searching for guidance for my desiring soul
But I need not look that far, for right beside me God sets my goal

You say it beautifully!

Welcome to Pip!

Love,
Margherita

sandgrain
Member Elite

since 1999-09-21

Posts 3662
Sycamore, IL, USA

7 posted 2006-07-02 12:20 PM

I could almost hear the waves, as I enjoyed your lines.

  God bless

     Rae

jody5
Senior Member

since 2005-12-21

Posts 876
California, U.S.A.

8 posted 2006-07-02 09:06 PM

Much enjoyed your write. I really felt I was right there with you.

Huggs Kimberly

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