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Tanka
| Spiritual Journeys #2 |
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Tanka |
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amepoesie Member
since 2006-01-19
Posts 63Canada |
Ok guys, I looked for info on the Tanka form, and since I love challenges (Marge's idea), I wrote my first tanka a few minutes ago. Please, give me your honest opinion! Thanks! Fiery lights dance In the sky bringing memories Of loving shimmers… Then I wake up, merrily And I kiss night’s gorgeous hair. Ame et Poésie |
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| © Copyright 2006 Cendrine Marrouat - All Rights Reserved | |||
Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Ame~ "Fiery lights dance 4 (fier·y) In the sky bringing memories 8 Of loving shimmers. 5 Then I wake up, merrily 7 And I kiss night's gorgeous hair" 7 A good imagery-laden attempt it is .. I believe the syllabic count is a little off ... it should be as I've listed below - 5 7 5 7 7 EASY to rework your structure without losing any of the beauty of it ... You are going to be such a *gift* to our circle~ Come on into Corner Pub #2 and word-play with us there also~ *Huglets* ~*Marge*~ ~*The sound of a kiss is not as strong as that of a cannon, but it's echo endures much longer*~ |
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amepoesie Member
since 2006-01-19
Posts 63Canada |
Dear Marge, Are you sure the syllable count is off? Because I really paid attention to it, and I respected the requirements. Thanks in any case, I will definitely join you in the other forum. take care! |
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amepoesie Member
since 2006-01-19
Posts 63Canada |
Oh, I just checked the syllable count. My mistake! I am sorry, I will correct it today! Ame et Poésie |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
 LOL ... math was NOT my strong suit in school ... but doing these things has definitely improved my math scores~ You're a jewel !!! I also posted one in the OPEN Forum ... after reading dear Marti's plea ... /pip/Forum94/HTML/000365.html *Huglets*  ~*Marge*~ ~*The sound of a kiss is not as strong as that of a cannon, but it's echo endures much longer*~ Email - [email protected] |
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sanozatsho Junior Member
since 2006-01-26
Posts 14 |
i cannot say i agree that this is a great tanka. i have read haiku and tried to understand as much as i can. also intailing was tanka. i feel that you are saying too much. if you elude to the point i feel it may be better. you cannot lead us to where you are going you must show us, guide us to a place you found and let us makre our own. but again this is just my opinion of haiku/tanka and any other form of haiku. |
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