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amepoesie
Member

since 2006-01-19

Posts 63
Canada

0 posted 2006-01-19 02:50 AM

This is my first try at the Haiku form of poetry. Give me your honest opinion, will you? Thanks!

Drifting…

drift over Cosmos
and let Soul meet Man alive
and free as a bird.

Nightmare

soulless birds of prey
have eaten love’s flesh and pray
that God will love them.

Vision

I caress the wind
over my head; beautiful
love will never fade.

Step into the Light

The angels have met
To discuss nature’s great fate.
The door is open.

Ripples

they threw some shingles
in the lake of bitterness
though no ripples spread.

Spring

spring came burning bright
like soft and charming music
from the heart of God.

And the Sky…

and the sky was red
and the earth was constant blue
and my heart was glad.

Ame et Poésie

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

1 posted 2006-01-19 11:00 AM

Ame~
ALL of these are lovely~

Some actually would qualify as Senryu's, as Haiku verse is associated with things of nature ... and Senryu with emotions and other subjects~

GREAT syllabic count on them all~

*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*The sound of a kiss is not as strong as that of a cannon, but it's echo endures much longer*~
Email - [email protected]

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

2 posted 2006-01-19 01:40 PM

Oh my..these are all perfect..
and the closing..BEAUTIFUL!!

"And the Sky…

and the sky was red
and the earth was constant blue
and my heart was glad."

Hugs~Nancy

In the midst of winter,
I found there lives within me..
An invincible summer.

amepoesie
Member

since 2006-01-19

Posts 63
Canada

3 posted 2006-01-19 02:39 PM

Thank you guys so much! That was my first try, but I am definitely going to carry on writing haikus! Thanks to you, I feel inspiration and happiness! ;-)
Thank you once again for being so encouraging!

Marge, Senryus look great too. But can't be bend the rules a little bit and say they are all haikus? ;-)

In any case, I will work on some more and I will publish them her...
Take care!

Ame et Poésie

Joyce Johnson

Member Rara Avis

since 2001-03-10

Posts 9912
Washington State

4 posted 2006-01-19 04:05 PM

These are lovley truths, no matter what form. joyce

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

5 posted 2006-01-19 05:48 PM

quote:
Marge, Senryus look great too. But can't be bend the rules a little bit and say they are all haikus?
You've got me smiling with your sense of humor too~

Well, Ame ... you 'could' take poetic license and call 'em anything you want !

But ...

Form is form, no doubt
Senryu with Haiku face
I could live without~

Tee-hee-hee !

Now ... how's about a TANKA ????

Challenge, challenge, challenge !!!

*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*The sound of a kiss is not as strong as that of a cannon, but it's echo endures much longer*~
Email - [email protected]

amepoesie
Member

since 2006-01-19

Posts 63
Canada

6 posted 2006-01-19 08:26 PM

Wow, that's interesting, a challenge! And I am new here! ;-)
Could you please explain to me what the Tanka form is? I am more used to the more formal forms, even free verse.
I am willing to try, honestly...

Ame et Poésie

sandgrain
Member Elite

since 1999-09-21

Posts 3662
Sycamore, IL, USA

7 posted 2006-01-19 09:23 PM

I've never gotten into composing them, but I feel these are outstanding. I always appreciate the ability to say so much in so few words. Thank you for gracing us with these.

Rae

amepoesie
Member

since 2006-01-19

Posts 63
Canada

8 posted 2006-01-19 09:24 PM

And thank you very much for your kindness!

Ame et Poésie

sanozatsho
Junior Member

since 2006-01-26

Posts 14

9 posted 2006-02-01 12:37 PM

now i feel that you are much better here. i feel that you have almost captured the essence of a haiku. and it is interesting to see in this progession, like they did a long time ago. i do feel these are good examples of haiku. perhaps you might slip a season in there once in a while but you dont have to conform to every rule in haiku.

Charisma

Member Ascendant

since 2000-09-30

Posts 5906
lost in blue pages

10 posted 2006-02-01 04:57 PM

Nice ones...like these japanese beauties a lot

jody5
Senior Member

since 2005-12-21

Posts 876
California, U.S.A.

11 posted 2006-02-04 08:52 PM

Ame you did great. And I'm new here and still learning every day. I give you a 10 for effort and creativity.

Kim

amepoesie
Member

since 2006-01-19

Posts 63
Canada

12 posted 2006-02-05 01:20 PM

Thanks a lot for your very encouraging comments! It makes me feel so special!

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