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Open Poetry #23
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My Nights ( Villanelle)
| Open Poetry #23 |
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My Nights ( Villanelle) |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines 
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I watch for the moonlight, its shine...my lead Dream softly of you, a path I can see Press the weary behind, let no ghost intercede Riding into the darkness, your reach, my need Rose colored shadings become my decree, I watch for the moonlight, its shine...my lead As I stretch to widen, horizon to seed Emotions that flow from these fingers, so free Press the weary behind, let no ghost intercede Upon words left unsaid, that continue to breed Extending my life to love one, that is he I watch for the moonlight, its shine...my lead Surroundings with memories, a light to exceed Hide not from the fright protect what is me Press the weary behind, let no ghost intercede Eyes fade to the night, its music my steed Spelled by compassion, of happiness to be Press the weary behind, let no ghost intercede I watch for the moonlight, its shine...my lead Maureen I think I got it right  "Love is not blind - It sees more and not less, but because it sees more, it is willing to see less." (Will Moss) [This message has been edited by nakdthoughts (10-25-2002 06:12 PM).] |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
It seems right to me, but then I always have to read the restrictions/parameters over and over while I'm trying to do one of these. Whether on the shoal or on the shore, |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Maureen You did well, enjoyed. |
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garysgirl  
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Yes, Maureen...I do think you "got it right"!!! I wish I could write as well as you do. I just can't seem to get across these enormous feelings in my heart about things. Thanks for sharing your work, dear friend. Love To All, Ethel |
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ctowen Member Elite
since 2001-10-18
Posts 2286Green Mountains of VT |
Parameters, counts, ... rhyme/no rhyme ... whatever path you choose your words always find their destination!! *S* Excellent read! |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
Uh, I hate to be a party pooper, but if you want to "get it right," a Villanelle must obey an iambic meter scheme, typically iambic pentameter or iambic tetrameter. While you did a good job of making it flow (I noticed a tinge of anapestic meter from place to place), to be entirely correct, villanelles require iambic meter. Once again, I hate to burst your bubble... lol... you must have simply been misinformed as to the structural requirements of villanelle. You got everything else dead-on, however. And villanelle or not, I really enjoyed the poem.  Parasite Learn to place poetry before people |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
Thank you all for reading this tedious type of poem and for the Local Parasite...my bubble is not burst, as I have done several of these before, although I did tend to stray from the meter length in this one...but there are many who define a villanelle as having the rhyme scheme as I did..and they don't tend to worry about the meter or line length Maybe I shouldn't have called it a villanelle..and just titled it My Nights. I thank you for your interest as it did cause me to look up in several of my poetry books to see where I might have gone wrong...I do like to challenge myself...Here are some definitions of the form on line... Villanelles are a nightmare; there is no other way to say it. The form is originally French and didn't appear in English until the later 1800's. It is 19 lines long, but only uses two rhymes, while also repeating two lines throughout the poem. The first five stanzas are triplets, and the last stanza is a quatrain such that the rhyme scheme is as follows: "aba aba aba aba aba abaa." The tricky part is that the 1st and 3rd lines from the first stanza are alternately repeated such that the 1st line becomes the last line in the second stanza, and the 3rd line becomes the last line in the third stanza. The last two lines of the poem are lines 1 and 3 respectively, making a rhymed couplet. Confused? A villanelle needs no particulary meter or line length, so feel free to experiment with the form. It is terribly obsessive and can bring out the emotions of any neurotic writer. Just one of many definitions on line: http://www.uni.edu/english/craft/villanelle.html and another http://shopping.webmarket.com/exitpage/exitpage_va.html M |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
enjoyed |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 Yay!!! Oh my gosh, yes, you have gotten it and this is a terrific villanelle, I know the moon is destined to shine upon you with loves magic as you are so deserving of it, so push back the weary, I love it, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Maureen, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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Marsha
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423Maidstone Kent England |
Maureen darling heart, there’s not another writer who can write with the grace you do. This is so well written I love it utterly Villanelles are practically impossible to write I know I could never write one as well as this  Love and warm stuff as always Mushy Breathe through the heat of our desire |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Yanno Maureen...I wouldn't know one a villanelle if it bit me, but I loved this. See, with me, I just write and haven't a clue what on earth I am doing, and I call that "sharonelle" ala mode! Lovely in any case, but I realize "the poets" in here like to do it by the book. |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
I enjoyed this as well, Maureen. I've written many a villanelle - because I'm a bit of a masochist, and it's one of my favorite formats. I DO keep mine in a strict metrical format, but I don't know of any rule that says they need to be iambic tetrameter or pentameter. Ergo, I may vary from one to the next. I enjoyed yours a lot - Glad to see you writing them.. |
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ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
Applause! I really liked this...a natural format for you! ThisDiamond |
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
nakdthoughts - you sure did get it right, beauty of a write... BC |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
Maureen~ This is excellent! I love villanelles, and I enjoyed this one very much. Beautifully done. Hugs, ~Vicky "...until you have read the verse on his heart, |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
vandana, thank you Noah, I push back the weary daily *s thank you Marsha, I love poetry in all its forms and would always encourage someone to try something new and different. You could write one easily with you being the queen of line length *s hugsss M Sharon, I love that idea..a sharonelle..I met Lewis Turco who coined the Terzanelle..so who says one can't be named after you. *s http://www.angelfire.com/sys/popup_source.shtml?search_string=terzanelle Nan, most times I try to write in a strict form, or in what some say is my particular style..but I also think variations are of equal interest and value..and who's to say if a poem is right or wrong anyway..would someone have told Shakespeare or e.e.cummings that their poetry is not correct? I believe we all strive to reach that goal..but everything in between is worthy in itself. Oh there I go rambling...I just worry sometimes that when someone responds that something is not correct it will keep some newcomers or young poets from attempting those harder forms...when it should be fun...and I am here posting for fun and the enjoyment of the "word". ThisDiamond, thank you, I appreciate that. Bill, I just like to write when the mood strikes me..thankyou hugs to you M Vicky, I am glad you could stop by. Thank you hugs back M |
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