Open Poetry #23 |
Eventful |
Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Eventful ©2002 C.G. Ward short circles. pacing. brimming thoughts of excitable minds, wheedling smiles from between the cracks of a silicon window looking over the darkness of our concrete patio as I wait for your stride - legs only, the arms remain stable - to break the air between in and out. a careless glance, flip the blonde, then into the bedroom, changing face and clothes while I sigh and dial up dinner. a blessing, to taste the sweat from the arch of your brow, glistening beneath the blush of a forty-watt bulb in a lamp from your mother; gold and black, it ill-fits the décor, but what the hell - we're only renting. the sitcom dies and you smile at an obscure joke, flick the back of my ear with a come-hither grin, then bounce toward the kitchen, looking for a slice of pie and a dollop of cream to top the night's festivities. and all this time, I thought you'd forgotten my birthday. |
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© Copyright 2002 C.G. Ward - All Rights Reserved | |||
Elizabeth
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871Minnesota |
I know when your birthday is, it's January 23rd. Kinda intriguing Chris. I enjoyed this. If I can think of anything more intelligent to say, I'll be back. God bless America, my home sweet home. |
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FuzzyFrazzledFraggle Member
since 2002-09-20
Posts 155Fraggle Rock |
enjoyed..yes that's all my frazzled brain can come up with atm..I do apologize.. Consider yourself fuzzed |
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Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
Fat Chance!!!! If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again. |
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PoetryIsLife
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763...in my boxers... |
What a thoroughly enjoyed poem, Christopher. A splendid look into your life, and love. Greatly written. I'd offer some crituque, if I had some, but I don't believe I do. Sincerely, Titus "My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems." |
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PoetryIsLife
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763...in my boxers... |
I liked how you used short and (bam!) words/phrases to start the poem, then moved onto longer and longer sentences/phrase. Why did you indent the one stanza? It seemed one of the key stanzas, that and the ending. Did you seperate and vary the stanza length for a particular reason or just flowing with the flow? Sincerely, Titus |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Yanno what? this is beautiful: a blessing, to taste the sweat from the arch of your brow, glistening beneath the blush of a forty-watt bulb in a lamp from your mother; gold and black, it ill-fits the décor, but what the hell - we're only renting. I loved the voice of this. nice....nice... |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
oh...and? I DO happen to have a very clear reminder of your birthday...grin---as a matter of fact, I should get that "clear reminder" up for school soon... |
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SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
"a blessing, to taste the sweat from the arch of your brow, glistening beneath the blush" Kissy Face, I like this part, and reading this feels like peeking in through an open window.... [This message has been edited by SEA (10-21-2002 09:37 PM).] |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
short circles. pacing. brimming thoughts of excitable minds, wheedling smiles from between the cracks of a silicon window looking over the darkness of our concrete patio as I wait for your stride - legs only, the arms remain stable - to break the air between in and out. Hmm, It has a very natural feel, that's how I feel about the poem, it feels natural it feels right. Enjoyed this one alot. The ladders of life that we scale merrily Move mysteriously around So that when you think you're climbing up, man In fact you're climbing down-Nick ca |
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secretlife Member
since 2002-07-30
Posts 359Grean Earth ,,, |
Great poems... I really love it.. Hugess Secretlife, (Easy come,,Easy go) |
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Robert Adamson Member
since 2002-10-21
Posts 328PA/USA |
Yes, I like reading this poem and feel that the way you describe it is perfect. etoodog |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
At first I thought it was about Irish dancing, but then I realised it was way too relaxed for that, what a wonderful image of a pleasant, playful evening. Kethry Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown |
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Corinne Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167state of confusion |
How sweet this is, Christopher. Sheer happiness and the perfection of simplicity. Now the secret, want to know it? It's just like the KISS. Cor who's that larry guy up there, anyway? |
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