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inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-19

Posts 7392
Ohio

0 posted 2002-12-14 08:12 AM

she cried today,
her eyes and heart,
just heard his pain,
waiting for him
in the commuter lot,
watching the rain,
the tears streamed down,
crying for what it must feel like
to be him now,
beating himself up...still,
the flowers,the candy,
the island exhursions,
the sorry,sorry,sorries,
the way he looks away,
now,
without a complaint,
of the unmade bed,
the dirty laundry,
the peanutbutter sandwiches for dinner,
her sloppy style,
he kisses her butt now,
24/7
the way he walks thru fire
for her, as he always did
you see,
if his pedestal
hadnt been so high,
maybe then,
but right now,
he looks so sad,
because you see,
he broke the trust,
of 20plus,
so
she picked herself up
and she made lemonade,
found her poetry again,
and started collecting
secret lovers,
like penny candy,
in the candy shop,
but its no
walk on easy street either
for her,
as shes stuck
between memories
and freedom,
and wanting
to say i love you
again, for him,
but for now,
shes collecting dollars
that she stuffs
under the mattress
and just waits.............

[This message has been edited by inkedgoddess (12-14-2002 08:44 AM).]

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

1 posted 2002-12-14 08:15 AM

inkedgoddess
A walk through the shadows, enjoyed

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

2 posted 2002-12-14 10:38 AM

Nice release of emotions in this one. A good reflective stroll on the pavement.

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

3 posted 2002-12-14 10:53 AM

inkedgoddess, you really told a story in this poem. Lots of emotions and feelings.

"Love makes the world go around"
~~with love and hugs from Ethel~~

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

4 posted 2002-12-14 11:01 AM

This is a real raw write! Lots of pain and wistfulness! You've done a wonderful job of pulling the reader along this desolate journey.

~ sending lots of love and light

EA

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-18

Posts 7350
the ass-end of space

5 posted 2002-12-14 12:20 PM

Inked raw and painful, I hope she finds what she's looking for and makes out alright in the end..and I'm glad she's found her poetry again

raph

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

6 posted 2002-12-14 01:53 PM

sad indeed

Duncan
Member Ascendant

since 2001-08-07

Posts 5455

7 posted 2002-12-14 03:00 PM

between memories
and freedom,
and wanting
to say i love you

You've captured this state very well.

Ada'doLisdo'ti
Member

since 2002-12-10

Posts 123
California

8 posted 2002-12-14 03:41 PM

Everyones already said but I have to put my to senses in. Very nicely put in words to be seen and heard.

Of all I've lost; I miss my innocence the most.

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

9 posted 2002-12-14 06:36 PM

and started collecting
secret lovers,
like penny candy,
in the candy shop,
but its no
walk on easy street either
for her,
as shes stuck
between memories
and freedom,
and wanting
to say i love you
again, for him,
but for now,
shes collecting dollars
that she stuffs
under the mattress
and just waits.............
well told story but the ending... too true and hints at an almost neurotic feel... a bit lost and anxious too... one finds little to do but collect... lovers, dollars, and wait...

nicolecruz
Junior Member

since 2002-12-11

Posts 16

10 posted 2002-12-14 07:58 PM

she picked herself up
and she made lemonade,
found her poetry again
------------------------
i really enjoyed this segment. the perspective you chose to write from was effective and just distant enough.just something about your wording (making lemonade and finding poetry especially) is resonant and wonderful. well communicated and enjoyed.

inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-19

Posts 7392
Ohio

11 posted 2002-12-14 08:18 PM

okay, c.......
neurotic.......okay, but are you panning the
poem or the woman' inertia?
do you understand what i m asking?
is it that the poem seems unfinished or the
woman is unfinished with her choices

vandana

Member Patricius

since 1999-10-22

Posts 10463
USA

12 posted 2002-12-14 08:46 PM

enjoyed

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

13 posted 2002-12-14 08:50 PM

(chuckling) not panning either Inked..

was trying to say the ending struck me...and that I liked it as it was so real it almost had a neurotic feel to it..that lost..not quite feeling..of activities that are also not quite.... lending power to the overall feel of the piece...

You and I need to take a communications class I think...I don't seem to convey well what it is I am trying to say.... ( laughing)

inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-19

Posts 7392
Ohio

14 posted 2002-12-14 09:52 PM

okay,cpat,got it.......
i think i just wanted to make sure i understood, but again, no way offended, at all........i just think sometimes this little piece of turf doesnt lend itself well
to communication, konw what i mean, jellybean?

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

15 posted 2002-12-14 10:03 PM

what doesn't lend itself to communication is the hurried replies I tend to leave...or the hurried read I give to replies... ( chuckling)

I did not think you offended... just puzzled.

Now..If I were to speak of the woman and not the poem. I would say she has not found closure on her emotions. She in the poem has collected secret lovers, a sign she is searching for something to fill the void left by a relationship of many years being betrayed. Perhaps..one could infer she was being spiteful in some ways trying to punish the old lover by having secret lovers..

The fact is... she has been hurt and feels or felt betrayed. An anger still exists below the surface but the ties of many years are not easily broken...and love that lasted that long not easily forgotten.

If she were real...and asked me..I would advise her to ask herself what it is she wants for herself. Answer that question honestly...and then ask her why... If there is a desire to still say she loves him..then is that desire worth the efforts to try and do just that...work through without adding additional pain to the relationship the issues and emotions. Probably best done with proffessional help..a counseler.

But...I rarely speak of the characters in poems..and no one asked me... ( laughing)

So I rambled on and on...and on and on...
saying way more than was required and or appropriate

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

16 posted 2002-12-14 10:30 PM

Amazing write..very well said!
~Hugs~

~ Season's Greetings to my 'family' at Passions ~

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

17 posted 2002-12-15 02:39 AM

Interesting...James

inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-19

Posts 7392
Ohio

18 posted 2002-12-15 06:26 PM

cpat,
not enuf room for her to speak here.........
if you find out where she resides, you can ask her

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

19 posted 2002-12-16 09:29 AM

perhaps you are right...

[This message has been edited by Cpat Hair (12-16-2002 01:58 PM).]

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